you truely are amazing.... hope you and your kiddo's have a great day!!! They sure are lucky to have you!

Scotty, these words got me through my day. I have my 4 kids, my mom, my in-laws, my sister, my sister-in-law, my brother, and some great nieces. I am truly blessed by my family and some really loving and supportive co-workers.

I also have Marriage Builders and a lot of new friends I've made here, like you. Thanks for all you do.

Yup, Valentine's Day is about love, not just romance or the lack thereof.

We all have love in our lives for which to be grateful.

Yep, grateful to have what I do have.

My Valentine's played out like this. It was our puppy's first birthday, so DS8 and I got her some toys. As we reached our house, I had hung my small gift to MYSELF on the mailbox. DS8 said, "Mommy, look at that." He went over and got it and said, "I think it's for you. It's a cow with a heart on it(I love cows). Who is it from?" I said, "Who do you think it's from?" He said, "Daddy." I quickly said, "No, I KNOW it's not from Daddy. It must be from someone who knows that I love cows and who loves me very much." I smiled and we walked into the house together. My internet was giving me problems, so DS8 and I spent some time watching some of his favourite shows. DS10 came home from boxing and we played Rockband 3. We had a lot of fun and I couldn't have imagined a better Valentine's Day.

Sooooooo, yesterday and today, I have WANTED to look at OW's page. Why? I dunno. I got it in my mind that WH proposed to her on V-day and I wanted to see if it was true.

I didn't do it though, and I am not going to.....tonight. I can NOT be certain that I will NEVER want to do it again, but I needed to get this out here to keep myself accountable. I need to keep myself on the straight and narrow.

Afterall, if my WH DID ask OW to marry him, what would that mean to ME? Really, it would change NOTHING in my sitch. MY WH had an A and left me and my children, any future hurt is just piled on TOP of what he did, it doesn't change it unless he STOPS(and really, I don't see that happening anytime soon, if ever).

I would think about looking at her page, and my stomach would turn as if I was bracing for something. Then, I would think about it. I would see her face. I would see the words, "in a relationship with Scotty's WH." I wanted to do it, but then I would think about all of you. I would think about how Pep would say, How FF would say, "You promised, remember." Neak would say, "Hun, you know you shouldn't have done that." PM wuld give me a big ol 2x4 and ML would probably not comment but would most definitely think, "Oh Scotty, this is NOT plan B." Okay, I KNOW that this isn't really what you all would say but the imaginary ones in my head would.

I am going to need to find something to keep myself busy and off of that FB page. I need to Plan A my kiddos again. I seem to have slipped on that one. It's family day here on Monday. Gotta figure out something to do.

I signed up for Netflix yesterday and do you know the first movie we watched? WATERWORLD. That brought us to some interesting discussions about evolution. It's hard to explain that to an 8 year old. DSx2 seemed to like the movie and it was the first time I had watched it.

I am okay, I just needed to get it out of my system so I wouldn't do it. I felt it eating at me. I actually thought, "Is this a fraction of what it feels like for an alcoholic when they want to drink?"

Hugs Scotty.

You don't need that pain Scotty, even if it turned out he didn't, you would hate yourself later.

Stay strong and just get through tonight.

and the truth is Scotty that you feel better if you don't look and that is our primary concern...your well being. MarriedForever recently reminded me of how destructive looking at xOW's blog is for me. She was right! I thought I was 'protecting' myself by being "armed with knowledge" when all I was doing was inviting pain in over and over again. I can only imagine how much worse it is when your WH is still actively in the A!

Well, I DIDN'T look and so far, today, I haven't wanted to. That was why I needed to write it down here. To get it out of my head. Once the thought entered, it was like a cancer that just kept growing. I am CERTAIN that had I looked, I could have thought of a reason to look next week, or next month. All of it would have done NOTHING for me. I all about protecting me, from ME.

On another note, it's worm here today. The snow is melting. My friends and I went walking around the track and then we went boxing. It was nice to have it feel like spring is coming. It's going to snow again next week, but I'll enjoy it for today.

what if you blocked her? I had to block my xh and OW and OW mother my xil.... i know i can unblock it at any time but now i don't see their names or comments with anyone we have in common.

just a thought

I have her blocked and she has me blocked. I logged onto my Mom's FB. It's not done by accident, and that;s why it is so bad for me. I actually need to DO it. Thanx for the idea though STB4. I actually defriended someone from HS because I saw that he had her as a friend. We have NO other friends in common.

And lets say he DID ask her to be his wedded wife.

You really gotta LOL at that!

Cause it means nothing to either of them. Really nothing that it did for you when you were betrothed.

An empty commitment to be in an empty commitment.

YK?

Don't look. Be bigger than that at this point.

That was part of why I didn't want to look either. It really doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean that there are happy, or not. It's doesn't mean, if he didn't, that they are happy or not. It's just NOTHING. And that's why I didn't look. If I saw that she changed her FB status, WHO CARES? If she didn't, WHO CARES? Honestly, it means NOTHING and I needed to focus on that.

You got our responses nailed down pat. We hardly have to talk.

to faithy.

Scotty...truly, the longer you go without looking at her FB page the better off you will be. It's been years now since I've seen anything about OW online and it makes me feel nauseous to think about it. I can't even force myself to to do it at this point.

You know how it feels sometimes that you can't NOT do it? I am at the other end of the spectrum where I can't MAKE myself do it. It feels fantastic too.

When you feel like doing this please post here instead and get support. It's not worth it to set yourself back by looking at a lowly POSOWs FB page anyhow.

Well, you know how I didn't want to see OW's FB page? Well, I still didn't. BUT, this morning, I missed the first bus. I was sitting at the bus stop, and who drives by me? WH with OW. They must have gone to the grocery store near our house. I saw OW.

Then, I had one of the most horrible days at work in a while. Can't wait for today to be over.

ETA: This is the first time since September that OW has been in the car with WH. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES? In my life, pretty GREAT.

(((Scotty)))

I am so sorry my sweet friend.

Ah Scotty, why can't they just order their food out, and live like teenagers on pizza and soda? Buy groceries from the local convience store? Do they really live that close by?

It is callous to flaunt this in front of you, but then what kind of alien hell are they living in anyway, where people and your word doesn't matter anymore. I know you would not buy into that crap, you just don't have it in you to be a Wayturd. Aren't you missing out now.

But then, and i don't wanna start anything here, but who was driving? Maybe, just maybe, things are not so good in Affairland anymore, still,(never were in the first place).

Maybe that is how Bampot deals with problems, having that little guarantee that you are around in case this one challanges him to much. Maybe this is his insecurity, like what drove his dumb head up his butt, when it got played on by POSOW.

In all the time he has been gone, doesn't he know what bus stop you might be at?

Just seems like things are not going so good, and if he really wanted to avoid you he would have picked another route.

His recovery from his issues may not follow if ever, but be certain to know you are living right, and what he is doing with the OW is lower than whale poop.

He will reap what he sows, its just a fact of life.

Hugs Scotty

That's the thing, they don't live close by, they live in a different city altogether. If I hadn't missed the first bus, since Bampot came late, I wouldn't have been there. I saw them coming, since they came from the same direction as the bus. Without giving out too much info(in case someone lurking knows Niagara Falls), this local grocery store is a small one and it is cheap. Bampot and I used to do most of our fruit, vegetable and meat shopping there because the prices are so good. It's not a chain. There ARE other ways for Bampot to drive, but this is the most direct route to get back on the highway. I really don't think it was anything thought out on Bampot's part. And if there was some thinking, it had nothing to do with seeing me, but more about how he isn't going to go a different route to avoid me.

What really bugged me most was the fact that OW hadn't come with him in MONTHS and the day she does, is the day I see them. It probably wouldn't have been so bad to see just Bampot. And then my day went horribly at work.

Watched a movie with the kiddos and then went to sleep. That day is over.

My dad gave me a ride home from work, I was telling him about my day and he said, "What's rule number one?" I answered, "I know I know, 'Spit(only change the p to an h) happens.'" That's some dad wisdom from wayyyyyy back.