So I read a lot on forums. But most of it appears to be from the BS. So as a wayward I think I know what I am to do to help recover a marriage from my side.
1. NC
2. EP (finding out why and putting in all measures required to prevent it from happening again)
3.Radical honesty, POJA, openness, meeting EN, etc
4. Being patient, understanding
5. disclosing all facts about the affair

What does a BS do to make the marriage work and help it recover? I realize the blame for the affair lies solely on the WS of course as they made the decision.
But for those who are SAA or in recovery or recovered, what was done by the BS to help things recover?
Did you feel like giving up and did you give up?
I just want to know the process on the other side because I am curious and wondering...

Did resentment/anger/etc fade with time as the WS showed that they were serious about recovery and the marriage?

Well I hope my post makes sense and I thank all those who answer the questions.

And I noticed martialbliss' post, sorry I did not mean that the BS had to change or needed to change. I was more wondering how did the two of you make things work or work on things...

Hi,

as a BS I can only speak about my own sense of hurt and betrayal that seems to go on and on.

I am working hard to keep things calm, to make life pleasant and show the wayturd how things can be. Not always succeeding though.

No idea when the hurt stops mine been there for years andI only feel like giving up every day. Imagine being kicked and winded, thats what it feels like, sometimes I can hardly breathe.

Hope some of the vets come along soon with some ideas soon

L123, I know that you want to understand, but you really can't. My sitch is NOT marital recovery, but I have read enough on here to know what the vets tell others.

Your BH is going to be hurt and angry for a LONGGGGGGG time. As a BS, I actually see your constant posts about your BS to be selfish and wayward thinking. That's because you should NOT be worrying about what your BH is thinking and doing(unless he is, himself, having an affair). You should be focused on what YOU did and what you need to do to fix YOU.

If your BH has given you the chance to work on things with him, you should count yourself LUCKY. There are a lot of BSs who would walk away without a second glance, and NONE of us would fault them for that.

So, in a nutshell, would say that you need to work on YOURSELF and stop worrying about what your BS is doing.

If you feel guilty, your BS is NOT the one to make you feel better. That is part of the work YOU need to do to fix what you have done. Also, you need to fix this about yourself, whether your BS takes you back or not.

And please stick to one thread so EVERYONE will know what advice you have been given already.

Okay fair enough. I had no intentions of pushing any thing from this thread onto my BH. I just wanted to know if I could see signs based on what you other people could tell me just because things have been going extremely well...but I don't want to get my hopes up.

And thank you for the insightful response Scotland (and I am not being sarcastic).

Speaking for myself as a BS, I found that there was little I needed to change within myself in the context of my H having an A. That was his choice.

There were things that my FWH and I needed to work on together to change up some of the dynamics of our M. We needed to become more honest with each other and not let resentment over day-to-day things build. I think that was the main thing.