I wish I had found this forum years ago and I wouldn't be in this nightmare, however since the last D day in Dec I have been lurking, reading and reading and reading!!

I have learned so much and seen my WH script posted here lots of times. He loves me and doesn't want to leave, major scenes in Dec begging me not to go, pleading and sobbing. I agreed probation!

But he will not change his phone no, will not tell me the details, will not talk much at all, seems very low and depressed and is in counselling.

The problem is that I don't trust him, never relax, chack his phone whenever I can but know in the past he has just deleted stuff so......I have now decided that the flexispy will give me some peace of mind, I really don't thinkk they are in contact but this will give me some peace as it will hopefully confirm what I want to belive but also very aware it may just bring my whole world crumbling down too.

Struggling a bit with the huge invasion of privacy, we are both suppporters of civil liberties but I have now come to believe this is about my sanity.

Have been Plan Aing my brains out and some days we are very close, SF good and we have had lovely times but yesterday cuddling in bed he said ILY but then added babe, which was what he called her and was gobsmacked when I lept out of bed saying it was just a word. How can they be so stupid??

Anyway, i just wanted to say thank you to all who have posted their stories and the support given.

Not too sure what my next steps will be, probably D as this has gone on too long and I need my life bacck

I have some questions about the flexispy, if he does change his number can I move the flexispy?

If I need a new pc can it be transferred?

How long should I leave it on if there is nothing? (I hate the idea of invading his privacy? - yes I know he deserves it no 2x4's please)

How does it work to access calls, do I get a call or is it all just logged on laptop?

Sorry, the site just doesn't seem to answer these Q's.

We have a joint credit card, what will it be billed as? although I think to be safe I will get a friend to order it and pay them cash!

Not stalling, just a bit confused.

hi tanam

i have been using the flexispy for just on a year now and would be happy to give you an insight.

flexispy is installed on the phone itself, so no matter how many times the sim card is changed it will record every detail that comes to the actual phone, it is not sim related at all.
To set up flexispy you must have access to the phone for appx 15 mins - if you read the manual instructions clearly first and make notes of what your "hidden message answers" are going to be then its possible to do it quicker, the phone must be jailbroken though and if he changes the phone you can just re install it on a new phone.
You really must be prepared for the things you are going to discover though, and may never be able to (like me) to get the answers to questions you might raise with him because you cannot reveal how you already know the answers.

All the information that is gathered is kept on the websites servers, all you willl need is your screen name and password and you can access the server from any pc anywhere,. the amount will be shown on your credit card bill under a company name, so avoid this if you can. also part of the package is to send text messages to your monitor phone when calls are being made BUT these texts are recorded on the target phones itemised bill, so be very care ful when you set this option up.

hope this helps

Hi

thanks for that, sorry to be so dim, but how do you mean the phone must be jailbroken, it is not password protected (old phone, he's not that fond of technology, like a phone to call and text only!!)

the information gathered, is that just which calls were made and texts?

Thanks too for the heads up about text msgs although I don't think he has an itemised bill but as it gets sent to work, I never see it anyway ......odd set up but own phone paid for by work, when I think back he started getting it sent to work at about the time the A began.

As to what I may discover, doesn't matter really as any contact and the deal is that I walk away, so just need to either confirm or not any contact which he totally denies, but then he would, he doesn't want to live with her, he is a cake eater!

thanks again!

If you look at the flexispy website it will give you a list of all the phones it is compatible with, if his phone is not on there, then you may have to surprise him with a present of a new phone for being such a wonderful husband - jailbroken means that the phone is not tied to one companys applications (not the same as unlocked from provider) it is fairly simple to do yourself but there are many places that will do it for you (sorry i can only speak for the UK)

The info gathered will be every text message sent and received word for word, all calls made and received, even if they are deleted straight away from the phone it will all still be on the server, , it will give you a log of every location he has been in every 30 mins. and if the sim card is changed it will give you the new number.

you say his bill gets sent to work, i set up an account with his service provider using his details but my email address, so when the bill gets sent out it also gets sent straight to my inbox.

the spy call feature enables you to listen in to the surroundings and hear every conversation he has, you can also intercept calls being made and listen on.

Thanks Thomas, am in the UK, so it's OK on orange then. I have found one a spyware that doesn't need me to touch his phone, so may go with that one, seems to offer all the above.

flexispy seems to only work with phones that access the interweb, he is a luddite and his doesn't!

Good idea about the phone account tho!

yes all fine with orange, be careful with the so called "remote install" stuff it can be dodgy sometimes, there is another one out there that allows software to integrate the sim card but i cant find it at the minute.

just set up an account with orange using his number and your email address, nothing at all gets sent to his address and bingo your in to his itemised account, although it wont give you incoming calls.

if you get stuck with installation send me a pm and i will try and talk you through it, most UK based intercept stuff needs you to register as a business and will cost fortunes and of course land you in court for your misgivings, lol

does he have an email account ? dont forget your keylogger.

i have just started using another software that remote installs to a given mail address but i am just working my way through the small print so far, but results so far have been extremely interesting

Hi

no way to use keylogger as he only emails from work pc which never comes home and would need admin rights anyway.

Brought the spy thing but b***y thing won't download!! Was this why to be careful! Hey ho have spent more on clothes I never wore! Will keep trying, have contacted their help desk.

Tried the orange account but it needs the account no which....as it's at work I don't have access to. Boy was he clever when all this started.

All I want is peace of mind, that he is finally telling the truth, although at this rate, he will probably get careless if he is up to stuff, just as it's his bday this week and then Valentines, both are likely dates for meetings or long lovely phone chats.

How do you keep sane?

PS:

No plan = insanity.

No plan = The mental "what if" game

Flexispy = undoubtedly the best investment I ever made in my life, PERIOD! Without that software, I would have NEVER discovered OM#4, would have lived under my ExWWs thumb forever. Would have been a doormat to her for-E V E R! Buy it, install it, use it�watch closely!

Thanks Pepper, I kinda think we are on the way with that, we always have communicated fairly well....tho clearly not well enough!

We ahven't called it POJA but we 'run all decisions past wifey first" and that is going both ways, he won't consider reading SAA but I have been introducing the principals.

Just that sometimes it all gets away from me like it did this morning and I find myself asking the why questions that he has no answer to, although he did say it all became a major burden in the end as she wanted to run off into the sunset and he wanted a friend....cake eater.

He does seem relieved it's all out in the open and says he wanted out for ages but 'didn't want to hurt anyone' ha ha.

Some of what he says seems like recovery and then I get confused about whats fog babble and whats not.

He has/we have done NC letter and exposed, again he didn't get angry just seemed sad. She has made some contact but none I am aware of for about 3 weeks and the last text from her he didn't respond to.

I think he's trying hard to be honest and open but finds it difficult too, he's very loving and as one friend put it I think he's hanging on by his fingertips, he is scared I will go.

How do I know he's coming out of the fog? What are the key things to wait for, I know remorse is low on the list tho it would be nice for him to say sorry for the A rather than sorry for the hurt.

Rambling so will stop

Thanks

Oh and I think he's beginning to stop making his A and lack of boundaries my fault.......which is nice!!

Yeah well thats the saddest thing, I knew he was seeing her, it was all just good friends after the first Dday 5 years ago, so so wish I had found this site then as wouldn't have fallen for the BS.

We had major rows about her but he was adamant it was JGF though I never believed it but got into a situation that went on and on.

Yes right tho was about not wanting to hurt her even though she was a drain on him (and us)but seemed OK with hurting me. SAdly I thought we were getting there, reapiring things and the revalations over December devastated me again.

He knows I will walk away if it starts again and is terrified, he does not want her to live with!!

And, SPY like your marriage depends on it, because it does.

Tanam, also "privacy" in marriage is a bad thing. It creates a detachment that leads to a lack of intimacy that leads to affairs. The more "privacy" in marriage, the easier it is to carry on an affair. AS YOU HAVE DISCOVERED THE HARD WAY. Your H was able to carry on this long term affair because of you have notions of "privacy" that are destructive to marriage.

"Privacy" allows a spouse to carry on the secret second life required for an affair. <----BAD!

I am going to slightly disagree with the word privacy.

Privacy = shutting the bathroom door when you go to do your business.

Secrecy = lying/keeping secrets .... usually something a person is not proud of and thus wants to keep hidden.

Privacy is sometimes necessary for dignity.
Secrecy is dangerous/destructive.

A minor tweak in the terminology.