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So now what. Exposure in only the US is not going to pack the punch while she is in Taiwan. Especially because of our limitted number of friends. FYI: This is my lesson to younger couples. You need to keep your friends. Having limited number of friends in your 40's/50's causes marital problems.
At this point maybe a reset is best. Can someone bullet the Plan A and Plan B steps. I am waiting for my book, but do not have it yet. Thanks. I think this is going just fine. I would move forward with the letter we discussed. It will help if your kids speak to her and give her their thoughts about her affairs and its effect on your family. It would be good for her to hear that.. Will her brother not speak to her at all? Most families of origin are fragmented and not very close, that is nothing different in this situtation. Does he just refuse to help? And that is ok, it is not imperative. You can have any others email her and try to persuade her to give up her affairs. I would move forward with the plan we discussed. You are doing just fine!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This is what feels right to me at this point in time.
I want to do a sandwich approach in emails. Add to the Love Bank. Then tell her that she must meet the requirments with no exception about what the outcome will be if she does not; loss of the marriage and family. Then follow up with the Love Bank. Repeat until she returns home from her scheduled vacation. All along suggesting that she not come home until she is ready to meet the requirements.
Oh. And also see my attorney.
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The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
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Who is afraid. The borther, I agree. Me, of course, I am afraid of losing my wife and family.
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Joined: Oct 2009
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I want to do a sandwich approach in emails I don't understand this. What is the 'sandwich approach'?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Jan 2011
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MB - it's 'bad news' sandwiched between 'good news'. So you say some positive, then something you want changed, etc., then you finish with something positive.
...hope that helps...
BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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This is what feels right to me at this point in time.
I want to do a sandwich approach in emails. Add to the Love Bank. Then tell her that she must meet the requirments with no exception about what the outcome will be if she does not; loss of the marriage and family. Then follow up with the Love Bank. Repeat until she returns home from her scheduled vacation. All along suggesting that she not come home until she is ready to meet the requirements.
Oh. And also see my attorney. I would drop the appeasement approach and get with it here. It is unnatural for you to lay it on thick while she is committing adultery. That just gives her the impression that you don't care very much. When you are all lovey dovey in response to her destructive behavior it comes across as patronizing and uncaring. That is uncalled for in this situation. You are not adding to the lovebank by acting false, you are giving her the impression you don't care and are very complacent.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2009
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MB - it's 'bad news' sandwiched between 'good news'. So you say some positive, then something you want changed, etc., then you finish with something positive.
...hope that helps... This isn't a plan to dribble out exposure over a period of time, is it? As in doing a little exposure here, then sitting back to see what happens, then doing a little more if you think you need to, then sitting back to see what happens...tell me this isn't what you are doing. Because it will more than likely backfire on you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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