ABC why go there? You are giving her the power.

Did you respond to text?

No did not respond to text

Good man. |Hope you are reading Andy and Stretchs threads.

just an update...had a session with S Harley a couple days ago...he said to continue to reach out to wife on a weekly basis or so

i decided to call the wife today to see if she'd want to just grab coffee...she actually picked up...said she's not ready to do that yet..said she's still extremely hurt by me exposing the affair to her coworkers...just told her it was the hardest decision I ever made but thought it was the best shot at saving the marriage...she got sad while speaking and in response despite doing my best so did I

that's it nothing else new

I am really glad you talked to Steve, I don't think you will regret doing whatever he told you.

Glad to see she picked up, thats a first step.

Its been a rough road for you ABC, glad you are still around. You will see its been rough for Andy and Stretch too, but progress comes eventually. I have faith you will be OK.

talked to her again today...how do you get through to someone that is still so angry about exposure two months out...says that "i would never stoop to that level" (she never says anything about the affair)...for some reason i decide to say the affair has made me less optimistic, my heart was broke in a million pieces..she said i made her a worse person, made her more pessimisstic, etc. She won't even go to coffee or anything with me...

she also keeps saying the affair has nothing to do with the marriage being over...obviously this is all fog babble but she really believes this i think

Ha e you considered plan B? That might wake her up

she's already moved out and basically pulling a plan B on me...just looking for other options out there

You need to tell her that as your husband, you will do whatever it takes to end the affair, as she is only destroying her life. And if the affair isn't the reason for the marriage being over, why didn't she just file for divorce?

The A is probably the only reason she is thinking this way. It sounds like her ego is very, very strong. Concentrate on being the best man you can be for YOURSELF.

Abc





NOT A VET HERE BUT IMHO I SEE this scenario as making a person who is drunk go to an AA meeting.

All you get is an angry person who is drunk. They also get nothing out of the meeting. This leads to further frustration with yourself and may lead to further resentment from either of you. Seems quite risky at this time unless something drastically changed since you last posted or SH suggested it.

Your WW sounds quite foggy yet. I thought just a few days ago she started answering your phone calls.

Has your WW truely shown any type of willingness to Recover the M? Has she expressed a desire to post?

If not your pushing will come back to bite you in the A$$.

JMO

nESRE

I agree, with Nesre, I know you are looking for progress but now shes got more ammo. If she finds your thread or finds out about exposure being part of the program prematurely it would be bad for you.

I do understand where you are coming from though. Maybe you will get lucky and she will lurk and learn or actually post. I hope at least your screen name won't give you away.

talked to her again today...
continues to state affair has nothing to do with wanting to divorce
she doesn't trust me that i won't argue, be verbally abusive i guess, etc again...not even willing to go to counseling or anything

it'd be a lot easier if i had been the perfect husband then this would obviously be fog babble....

i also asked her a hypothetical...stating if life was perfect and there was a program with a 100% guaranteed success rate of having a great marriage would you be willing to try it..she wouldn't answer and just kept saying life isn't perfect

i emailed her asking if i'm willing to earn her trust back after cheating how come she's not willing to do the same...

i'll see what she says

abc098,
affairs don't last very long, she will come around but not until she has learned what she sees now as a great relationship will fall apart when all the reality of life starts to take it's toll on that union.
all you have to do is be there to pick up the pieces, keep the lines of hope open and sit back and watch it dissolve..........

so i emailed her and one thing that i said was neither i nor my parents trust her...she got really angry..said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore unless it's related to the divorce...she wasn't willing to answer the question though obviously about how somebody could trust her after she cheated...i've never seen anger like this and constant...definitely opposite of what she was before...

she said i'm the liar by getting a private investigator and snooping to find out about her affair...fog babble

it's just kind of funny now (in a sad way)...absolutely everything i say or write makes her angry...

me trying to educate her about affairs and how it's like an addiction and rewriting of marital history was a big bust haha

this marriage is over..i know it but for some reason i just can't give up...next plan of action is just to try to get her to talk to s. harley...i think he's the last resort

at this point if she wants to get divorced, i'll let her but i'm not going to make it easy...i'll probably be counterfiling under grounds of adultery in the next couple weeks...i'm definitely not going to make it easy for her and go with "irreconcilable differences"

i might even threaten to tell everyone that her side invited to the wedding what she's done including all the sexually explicit text messages I have...this may be vindictive but at this point who gives a sh**

Don't threaten, just do it if you haven't already exposed to them. Nothing to lose, right?

ABC I worry that sending that out like that without a purpose will be as damaging to you as to her. Have you read about plan B? Based on the change in your attitude, and time elapsed as well as the effort on your part I wonder if its time. I didn't have to do it, but you do I think.

Do counterfile, do drag it out and make it painful to divorce you, but why strike out at her in a way that serves no purpose? It won't make you feel better.

Expose if anyone who should know does not yet know. Send out her texts just to hurt people...thats not the abc who loved his wife and did his best to save his marriage.

I am sorry it came to this kid. I wish you all the best - some girl will be lucky to have you.

general question: does sending gifts, flowers, etc to the WS recommended or is it seen as being needy etc...i'm assuming the latter but was just wondering

So you are not quitting then? Hows that roller coaster ride? Sucks huh? I know believe me.

Reread the section of the site on Plan A (sorry not smart enough to do links) it says don't smother, just give opportunities. But a couple of things to ask yourself. Does your wife like gifts? How did she react in the past? Did they always mean a lot to her? My wife LOVES when I bring her stuff. But early in Plan A she saw it as kissing her butt. So its a judgement call. Others might better appreciate a call. Or something else. Fill out the emotional needs questionaire for her, but don't just assume you know whats important to her. Have reasons and examples for the things you pick.

Second, how long have you been in Plan A? Is it time to take stock of any progress?

Is FIL etc back talking to you? Anything more than just texts from your wife? Whats the latest?

abc - that depends on the situation and state of your 'relationship'. Does your WW like gifts or flowers? Do you think receiving gifts is one of her ENs? You're really the only one in a position to decide. My WW does not value gifts, she's more into time spent together and life experiences. She likes cards every once in a while, so I do give them to her on the holidays and special occassions.