Hello there everyone!!

It is Harmony2010 here, under my previous posting name Hitch.

I always knew I would come back here, to simply say THANK YOU.

I have not been on here since Feb last year and so much has happened since.

Firstly I would like to bring you upto date. The last time I was on here I was in Plan B. Something happened to me during Plan B when I realised that I no longer wanted to fight for my marriage. That was the early part of last year. 3 things had a massive impact on my outlook on life, my fathers death, my new zest for life and the boundaries that I had built here.

I realised I no longer had to put up with bad behaviour from others around me, and that has resulted in me cutting 2 people out of my life for good. My BH/WH and a close friend.

I filed for divorce in April this year and at times it has been tough but I have not looked back or regretted that decision since. My WH continued to try and break my plan B, harrassed and stalked me, turned up drunk, played games with me, played along with conversations to keep me in the background and womanised. During none of this time did he want to entertain a sensible conversation about how to move forward whatever that decision would be recovery or divorce. It was only with the help of a very big cousin and filing for divorce when he finally left me alone in April 2011. The divorce was tough and I don't envy anyone doing it with children. I engaged the help of a very good solicitor and without boring you with the detail, after going to court finally came to a financial agreement on 30 September on the divorce was finalised beginning of November. I have entered no contact for life.

I have also spent a major part of the year coming to terms with my fathers death and I would only say New Year 2012 did I get a sense of peace and acceptance with his death. Progress?

Overtime I have realised that I came here to Marriage Builders not really to rebuild my marriage, but simply to learn how to live a happy, good life surrounded by the right people and ofcourse learn about what makes a marriage work. I learnt so many things here that they are now embedded in my everyday life. I can't tell you how much I have grown as a person.

I have made new friends along the way, good positive people with decent morals who only want the best for me. It has also meant that I cut off one friend, when I used my boundaries and confronted her with something she did in a calm way and she flew off the handle in a rage and got quite nasty. It was then realised that she thought she could treat me anyway she liked without being confronted, yes I was sad but relieved I didn't have to put up with it anymore. JL wrote that may happen as a result of having boundaries.

Here are some of the key things I have learnt from people here:

Constant � Constant once said to me you make pretty good decisions, you just get swayed at times� this has stuck with me and now I am not seeking everyone�s opinion, the person who knows what is best for me is me! I am so much more confident now about making decisions and believing in myself. Constant was always there for me � thank you 

Pepperband - told me to me put my BIGPANTS on!! I still tell that to myself when life throws difficult says or situations at me, such as the day I went to court and had to face my XH or when I had to go to my fathers funeral. It really works! Pepper also told me I was too needy so true!!

HoldHerHand � said that the only reason he was with his wife was because he chose to be there and he also had the freedom to leave at any time. Also why would I be sad about leaving a diseased abusive marriage?

Scotland � Just for her general strength at maintaining Plan B and how important it is in your recovery!

Just Learning � well where do I start? Really the boundaries he taught me are invaluable, and are part of my everyday life now. JL also taught me to have perspective on situations, and would ask me - Why are you sad? Do you like being abused? I grimace now on how hard it was for me to understand boundaries, no wonder I was all over the place! Having a healthy perspective has meant I have coped so much better with situations.

Overall I have a much healthier clearer perspective on life. I feel so much stonger, happier and excited about my future. I seem to relate to people better, have clearer boundaries and and am more in tune with myself and my wants and needs. I know that I do not need a man to be happy.

I really went through a massive learning curve when I came on this site and all the people helped me do that. I was so confused back then I didn�t understand the advice I was given but I have checked back in on this site over time and it all makes perfect sense. I laugh at how much I struggled with putting boundaries in place, now they come so naturally and I knew that part of that would be letting some people in my life go. My fathers death has also made me realised how precious life really is and has made me do one thing and that is LIVE!!

Overtime I have learned to forgive myself for the affair, but I will always regret it.

I can�t ever thank you all enough. This place is really special.

Bravo to you, Harmony!! Thanks for the update!

Was just thinking about you the other day harmony, weird huh?

It is great that you cane back and updated us. It's proof that you have turned a corner

Again condolences for the loss of your Dad

Thanks for checking in with us, now I will have to eat my words I was saying to myself, about people invested in, and then they disappear lol

Now what can I find to complain about?

Harm, it's so good to see you. Sorry to hear about your D, and sorry about your dad. I am so glad that you are moving on in a positive way. I hope that when you enter into a new relationship, you use the MB tools at your disposal.

You sound good, and for that I am glad. You are ALWAYS welcome here. We'd love to hear more updates.

Wow what a story on personal development...