I revived my divorce papers in mail yesterday. In them it states we pretty much split everything but our child which he wants sole custody of her. I am not giving up my child. He put that neither party will pay child support! From my knowlage he is still having an affair and I done everything I have been asked to do. I have done plan A and have stayed clam. I need help! What is the next step?????????

LINK to your original thread

You need a family law/divorce attorney.

ASK around.
Get a pitbull attorney.

If you are going to fight this divorce, you need a pro.

Advice for anyone who might be headed for a divorce is to DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT *link*

Has this affair been exposed to the world?
To the kids?

ADscott, I'm going through the same thing. I was notified on my birthday that he had filed for divorce.

First, realize that attorneys always ask for more than they hope to receive. It gives them a bargaining position. Also, asking for full custody is your WH's attempt to get out of paying child support. Your attorney will handle this.

Are you in a state that has fault-based divorces? If so, keep a log of the interactions between WS and your child. I use a monthly planner and jot down pertinent info as it happens. Also, backtrack and record whatever you remember about holidays or other events that are affair-related. This may be useful to you even if your state isn't fault-based when it comes time to determine custody. My WH went a month without contacting our DS, yet asked for 50-50 custody.

Also, since he's having an affair, if you can file for fault, you can counter-file for adultery.

Take a deep breath and contact an attorney ASAP. Tell him you don't want a divorce and ask what can be done to take it more slowly.

Keep your dignity and don't call WH about it. He's waiting for that.

{{{{{{{{{{ADscott}}}}}}}}}

Go to the bank.
Open a new account with your name only.
Transfer half of joint assets into your separate account.
CLOSE all credit card accounts that are jointly held.

Secure all important documents.
Lock them up away from your home.
Marriage license.
Birth certificates.
Home loans.
Mortgage papers.
Kids baptism papers.
Passports.
Any paper/document that might be necessary when having something notarized.

Divorce in Alabama

I found this link for you. You're in luck--Alabama is a fault state. You can counter-file for adultery. Even if your WH has moved out, if he's continuing his affair with OW, then it is adultery. Also, the link says that mothers are favored in custody fights.

Get an attorney. He will advise you as to what to do to take the wind out of your WH's sails.

Go to your children's school.
Ask to speak to the kid's teachers.
Ask to speak to the school principal.

Tell them the following:


I want you to be aware of a current family crisis.
Our marriage/family is being threatened with a divorce.
Please keep an eye on my kids for any changes that you think might need MY attention.
Are there counseling resources available at school?

Please be aware that a woman named (OW) who is (describe OW - height/weight/hair/etc) may attempt to interlope her way into the school.
She is NOT authorized to be with or around MY children. Not ever.

Thanks you. Here is how to contact me in an emergency.

Calm down. I know it's shocking, but don't lose your faith. You're not going to lose your child. Sole legal custody is only granted when one parent isn't worthy and has done truly bad things, such as violence or drugs.

Otherwise, you will likely, as a woman, end up with primary custody or at least 50/50.

But the way to deal with this is to set emotions aside, counter file on grounds of adultery, and fight this.

adscott, if you will take the time to take posters advice to you and respond to them specifically, it will help us to help you better.

Myself and others tried to help you on the first thread and it is completely unclear to me what exactly you have done so far.

Who exactly have you exposed to? Please make a list and be specific.

I would make that two thirds into your separate account. One third for you, one for your child, and one third you leave in the joint account for him.

I said "two thirds" because at the top of this thread, you mentioned your "child".

It seems there are two children, so make those proportions three quarters for you and them and one quarter for him.

I'm confused. You have 2 children, he's only asking custody of 1? You exposed to his family and their work. Have you exposed to her family other than her ex-H?

You need to follow the financial advice posted to you already. If you've done a good plan a (which I can't tell from either of these threads) you may consider moving in to plan b asap and getting your ducks in a row to fight for custody.

Um, if you haven't exposed, then you've done nothing to help end the affair.

So do that and watch how quickly things change. At this point, what do you have to lose?

Thank all of you for helping my neice. I have spent hours on the phone with her and sent her here for your help.

She has exposed to his family, her family, their work place and the OWs family. He is on 90 day probation as a result of her exposure and his boss told her that WW and OW would not be going on any buisness trips together. She has done a great plan A but he is so far in affairland that there is no getting to him.

Before she contacted me or posted here, she was taken off of his bank account and opened one of her own. Of course he is withholding some money from her now trying to get her to go ahead and sign the papers. Which I have advised her not to do until she talks to her lawyer.

She will be talking to a lawyer on Monday.

I have loaned her my copy of SSA, which she is reading right now.

You are a great uncle, wounded.

Make that Aunt. lol

OOPS! Aunt, it is, sorry!

It is ok..you really can't tell by the name.

Oh someone asked about her having 2 kids and him only going for custody of one. Her ds (I think 3) is from a previous relationship. Thier dd will be 1 in March. There is really no way to expose to the kids.