I have a separate thread on going on here with Plan A in effect.

But I have a question and need some support.

How do you deal with no remorse, no regret from your WW of 14 years tearing your heart out?

So far it has been almost a week and I have not been angry or blown up but did bring up a small topic today when we had to cancel a fun event today because the kids needed to rest.

I said in these almost exact words. "When we have to put the kids needs first it sometimes impacts our fun, but when you go out on your own with the OM you don't have that distraction, and that is not fair to us."

Nothing was said to this statement and there as been no apology and no regrets at all.

What should I or shouldn't I make of this?

What is not "fair" is the fact she commits adultery when she is married to you. I am not familiar with your situation but this comment seems to emphasize that the OM is more fun than you and I don't think that is the message you want to be sending.

Your focus should be on ending your wife's affair by doing a complete and comprehensive exposure. Without that, there is not much hope of saving your marriage. Your wife's affair is very tenuous and this should be a fairly easy one to end if you keep up the heat. But please don't distract yourself with meaningless cheap shots like this.

Danno68 - you do pose an interesting question that I'm interested in. My WW doesn't show any remorse about the A, but the exposure certainly pissed her off. So, she's mad about the exposure, since it's now two worlds colliding - fantasy vs reality. I suppose it's a waiting game now, either the fantasy world collapses or the BS gives up and goes dark or files for D.

Your WW isn't going to be remorseful. Months after last contact with OM, I have yet to see that in my wife - who is btw interested in recovering the marriage. At least if you consider sweeping it under the rug as recovery....

WWs don't do remorse from anything I have seen in four months on this board. They get promoted to FWWs when they do.

It's been almost 6 years from DD for me, and if I ever saw remorse from my FWW, it was for only a brief moment. At first I was concerned about this, but now I've just accepted it.

My therapist always says to me to stop trying to make sense of someone else's decisions..............I'm sure they all feel their own remorse at times, who wouldn't they are human just like us.......
It does hurt when they look at the adulterous relationship so differently then we do.
No one wants to think of themselves as a bad person or someone that could go against everything we were all taught as kids, 10 commandments, right from wrong......all the things our parents and grandparents taught us.....
Just be grateful that you have a change to fix what was wrong in the marriage and that you haven't lost what is most important to you, your spouse will have to deal with her own demons............like I said everyone is human you can't tell me that they don't feel it............

My wife convulsed on the floor with grief and sadness. She chased me out the house with nothing on but a t-shirt and pajama bottoms in a harsh blizzard to keep me around. I told her, I promised her, that if she did this to me "I am gone, I will leave, and never come back!" Well, it happened... so I was going to leave just as I said I was. She blocked my car, crying her eyes out, snot coming out of her nose, I told her to get inside, and move out of the way... I honestly was going to run her over if she didn't move but I didn't. I kept yelling "Get inside the house, its cold out here!" repeatedly. It didn't matter. My wife was overwhelmed emotionally.

It really depends on how emotional people are... Some people can be stricken with grief/guilt and don't convey the emotional part. Others have a very thin control with emotions and will sob like nothing else! Before the affair, my wife was a very emotional person. Before the affair, I wasn't very emotional. When my dad died last April, I showed no emotion even though I was sad.

Part of the reason why my wife spilled her beans and told the OM to take a hike is that I overwhelmed her with affection, SF, recreational fulfillment, etc on her birthday! I got wine (never did before in my life), we won't out for a movie, got very romantic with music, made her a card, etc. I helped her out with housework like crazy, I rubbed her shoulders, I looked her in the eye with the TV off, I kissed her passionately, etc. I remebered what she said when she asked me things. All of this dropped massive LB deposits, withdrew none....

All of this during her short brief affair. I was lacking before but on her birthday I went all out (nothing cheap). I believe it was that which caused her to realize she was a huge dummy, I indeed loved her, and she was overwhelmed with grief, shame, guilt, etc etc and couldn't keep it from me.

Most waywards don't do that, they just say it, and leave the room... She almost got killed conveying this to me. Most waywards don't shed a tear or they are caught...

I was very loving before the affair just didn't do it all the time (neglect).