Scotty, tell me more about your vision/dream board. My IC is working hard on getting me to visualize a positive future without WH. So is my sister. Your vision/dream board sounds like something I need to do.

H&G

I have a dream board. It is basically a collection of things you want, or need, or hope for. It helps you visualize it and reflect and think on things. I use my fridge doors...not creative but it works for me.

Back in early 2009 I wanted to go on a cruise for the following years' vacation. I beleive this is when the books, 'the secret' and 'the law of attraction' were popular. I didn't really buy what either was selling, to a point.

They both, at the basic core, were what Norman Vincent Peale wrote about decades earlier. THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING.
I was positive I wanted to go on that cruise. I wasn't working at the time, my husband does not beleive in wasting money on something as dumb(his words) as vactions(I still made sure we took one somewhere every year though), I was back in college and cruises are pretty expensive.

I cut out pictures of cruise ships, and vacation spots(Lots of palm trees, beaches, ocean scenes, words like vacation & family and stuff) and put them all over the fridge. I reflected on those pictures EVERY day. My kids thought I was insane. negative WH said "never gonna happen". I applied for jobs everywhere, started looking at cruise prices and dates to go. I got that job, I booked that cruise(somehow I had won the lottery that year and was able to put the down payment down on it...THAT was freaky cuz I hardly ever play the lottery!)and spring of 2010 we went on our family cruise vacation. It was awesome. Not just because of the places we went, but because I had done it. By myself. I paid for the whole thing, I booked and scheduled cars and planes and I was proud of myself.

Now on my fridge I have words like POWER, SERENTIY, PEACE, QUIET, STILL. I think I need to add some pictures, but I'm not sure of what. I still don't know what I want...does that make sense?

I want WH home. I don't want him home. I'm glad he's gone. I'm sad he's gone. I miss him. I don't miss him. I hate what he's done. I don't hate him. I love him. I hate him. I'm happy. I'm miserable. I'm doing it on my own. I don't like to be alone. I enjoy my alone time...and it goes on and on, back and forth.

Maybe if YOU make your vision board, you can share it with us. Scotland, you too.

Help us organize our thought process.

[tj]
@mitzie -

Try this:

I want Husband home. I don't want WS home. I'm glad WS is gone. I'm sad Husband is gone. I miss Husband. I don't miss WS. I hate what WS has done. I don't hate Husband. I love Husband. I hate WS. I'm happy. I'm miserable. I'm doing it on my own. I don't like to be alone. I enjoy my alone time...and it goes on and on, back and forth.

Also maybe you could separate the things that you can control from the things you can't control? Also you could try to be more specific about the happy things and the sad things?
[/tj]

H&G,

Since your sister is a practicing Bhuddist has she spoken to you about the karmic past foward rule? Perhaps you could ask her about this if she hasn't.

Christianity doesn't support ANY of the other major relious beliefs but it is an interesting theory.

Let me know your thoughts on it if you talk to her about it.

H&G:

I hope that the bowling/Piano test went ok. THis Plan B stuff of avoiding WS is tough. Becasue of sitchs like this. You will get better at it. If the WS is intent on breaking it, then there is nothing you can do sometimes. They WILL seek you out sometimes...

But that is on them.

As for your tax return... I see a refund of $3372 or $2272 if you can't qualify for the child tax credit.
Hubby will be more difficult, Any idea what his withholding amount is?
You state that the house is paid off, so your deductions are limited in TN. So the standard deduction should be available to both of you.
Where can I send my bill

(((H&G)))

LG

It didn't go well. For the first time ever, he parked where I told DS I would park. He was on the far end, on the left. I parked on the other end, on the right. My car was facing away from the building. I would stick my head out of my window every few minutes to see if DS was coming. One time, I stuck my head out to see WH, standing outside by the door. Evidently WH was looking at me because he waved. I ducked back in faster than a gopher ducks back into its hole, but it made me sick that he had that opportunity. He didn't come over to the car; DS finally came out about 15 minutes later.

DS scored a superior on his piano tests (Terms & Signs, Written Theory, Transposition, and Sight Reading). For this reason, it was worth allowing a little crack in my Plan B.

Wow, LG, I didn't even know about the child tax credit. I think I'll qualify.

WH claims married and one. I think he does claim the standard deduction every year, so I will, too.

LG, I'll happily send you my contact info if you like and it won't offend your wife. I believe in paying for expert advice and since I haven't personally touched a tax form except to sign it since I was 20 years old, I'd be happy to pay for yours. I realize you were making a joke, but I'm serious about this.

Thank you so much for your help. I truly appreciate it.

I've spoken to my sister about karma--that WH will get his karma in this life or the next, but that he's not mine to punish because that's bad karma for me. She said his karma may be to be unhappy for the rest of his life or to lose his job and family because of his actions.

I haven't discussed the karmic past forward rule, but I did just google it. It sounds fascinating if I am his love from a past life. If it's OW, then it's a crock.

I'll ask her about it. I'll let you know what she says.

Too bad about the parking and him waving but it happens.
We do our very best to avoid it and it happens.

As the book Surviving An Affair mentions on page 88:

___If there is accidental contact between the wayward spouse and the betrayed spouse, the betrayed spouse should avoid angry outbursts, disrespect and demands.


Alas....you arranged to pick ds up where you believed with your heart and soul WH would not be and .....voila.....oops.

Just keep trying your best to avoid him.

If you run into him....no lovebusting.

Thanks, reading, for your comments--they've helped me feel better about it. I wonder if it was "disrespect" to not acknowledge his wave? Oh, that's silly--if I had waved back, he might have come over. I need to stop thinking so much!

There will be no angry outbursts, love busting, or demands. I don't want to speak to him at all. We go to court next month for child custody and spousal support. I don't want to see him before then or talk to him. What are we going to discuss? How he thinks I'm not entitled to spousal support? That will only lead to angry outbursts by each of us. Just not willing to go there with him right now.

Oh, meant to add that I have fine-tuned my pick-up instructions for DS. I will pick him up wherever his dad doesn't park. If WH parks in the side lot, I'll be in the front lot, etc.

I should have thought of this before, but at least I have a plan now.

There you go, a plan that YOU came up with to fix this hole in your Plan B.

My "dream" board was actually made BEFORE I found MB but AFTER the ILYBNILWY speech. I drew the pics with pencil crayons. I drew pictures of:
- 4 circles, in the favourite colours of DSx2, WH and myself, surrounded in a heart with a smile over top and all of the hearts are connected to each other(represents the four of us together, surrounded by love and HAPPY)
- a couch(I needed a new one, my Mom bought me 2 in the summer)
- a Dark blue Santa Fe(it's my FAV vehicle ATM, and WH owns one, HE TOOK MYYYYYYY CAR ARGH)
- a pool table(I have ALWAYS wanted one)
- green hills with a plane over top(supposed to represent Scotland, since I want to go there)
- Mickey Mouse(I want to take the kiddos there someday soon)
- a sunset over water(I want to travel somewhere where I can watch the sunset over water since I never have seen that before)
- a roller coaster(I hadn't been on a roller coaster in YEARS because of my weight and I was able to go on one with DS8 last June)
- a scale with my intended weight goal(don't ask because I am not telling )
- a school with the word "job" in it (because I would LOVE to work in a school)
- a graduation hat with a smiley face(because I want to go back to school and graduate from College or University)

I wrote 2014 on the top corner of the page too. I was thinking that would be the deadline to achieve these things. I hope between Mitzie and I, we have given you some ideas for your own dream board. BTW, I put mine on my bathroom wall, because I figured I would look at it at least twice a day.

Mitzie and Scotland, thanks for the ideas about the dream board. I've already got a few things I can put on one when I make it:

I want to go to Key West--I'd like to drive there with one or more of my kids.

I'll definitely put the word "RETIREMENT" on there--I recently found out that I can retire in 3 years; I could retire next year but need to have the health insurance for three years to be able to get it in retirement. I've always been on WH's policy and can't get on my job's plan until August.

I want a pet--small dog or a cat, but will wait for summer to do that. Mostly, I want a tuxedo (black and white) cat.

Well, that's all off the top of my head. I need to think about the future, but not tonight. Too painful.

It can be a fluid board, in that you can ADD to it as you think of new things you want for YOURSELF.

Thanks, Scotty. This one sentence means a lot to me. I thought I had it all figured out ahead of time, but there was a hole. I'm proud that I figured out a way to fix it.

Fixing that hole is so necessary--that one glimpse of WH has made me anxious and sad all over again. I need to have a good cry, but DS is here and I don't want him to see me crying. I'll weep myself to sleep later.

Peachy, the Strivectin neck cream is working--I can tell a difference after 5 days. The deep wrinkle filler just arrived today, so I'll let you know if I notice any difference there.

The neck cream is supposed to affect a real change; after about a month of using it twice a day, supposedly I can drop down to a maintenance plan of every other day.

The deep wrinkle cream just says to "reapply as necessary". I don't think that $50 tube will last very long.....;)

We've been there. I LOVE it there. As a matter of fact I would love to retire there. It pretty pricy though. Key West people think there chain of islands is it's own country(they tried to cecede from U.S. a while back)and thus it's like another world there. Put a picture of a conch shell on your board too...that's what they are 'The Republic of Conch'.


. Had one of these the other day. Cried so hard and so much that I woke up and my eyes were swollen! But, I did feel much better.

I always see this in Macy's and wondered if it worked. I have a deep brow line. My GF husband is a DR & gives 'the tox', but @ $375-450 a pop, waaay to expensive. $50 seems doable. I'm gonna give it a shot. Thanks guys.

Mitzie, how cool is it that you've been to Key West! I will put a conch shell on my dream board.

It's amazing how therapeutic a good cry can be. It lets it all out and then we're able to move on (at least for a few days).

I'll let you know how the deep wrinkle filler works. It's worth a shot--botox is so pricey!

I hope you have a Sunday filled with peace.

I don't believe in horoscopes, but read them anyway. Look at today's:

Sagittarius (WH)--You love someone with the kind of intensity and passion that you wish was bestowed upon you. But wait--is it possible that it is and just not by the person you think?

Capricorn (me)--You are very curious about your current company and will be inclined to prod for answers. But if you relax a bit, they will be forthcoming with all the information you want to know.

It must be true--it's in the stars!

Wh is a Capricorn!!! I hope it IS true!

Scotty,


I went to Scotland and England on a tour about 4 yrs ago. It was all inclusive, and the cost was quite reasonable! A friend and I went for 12 days, and we stayed in London for the first three days and saw all the sights there. Then, the tour co. took us by bus all up through England, into Scotland, and back down through England again and back to London. It was absolutely fabulous. We saw everything, everywhere, that we could dream of. We met Dukes and Duchesses, we toured castles, saw Shakespeare's birth home, it was fantastic.

And by going with an organized tour group, it kept the cost down and we got great discounts via the travel agency we booked with by booking and paying in advance.

That "dream" of yours can be a reality - start by going to the travel agency and talking to somebody there. You might be shocked at the prices of these tours! I was! We have hundreds of pictures of our time there, and we had a great time. My girlfriend and I had a once-in-a-lifetime trip. No kids, nobody else, and it was fantastic.

Do this for yourself. It is one thing that is no longer on my dream board. My H and put up a new dream destination, Alaska, and did that one too! Now that we have that one checked off....it has been replaced with a new trip destination, and that WILL HAPPEN!

Get the goal price up there by that photo, and put away just a little at a time. You CAN DO IT!