My husband and I were drinking last weekend and a stupid argument got out of hand. I do not remember what happened, but he called the cops because I slapped him. I was arrested and now the state is charging me with simple battery. I'm not supposed to have contact with him according to the state of GA, but he is my husband and we do live together. He bailed me out of jail and wants nothing to go further with the charges, but now he has no control over it. He said he wish he wouldn't have been drunk as well and would have been able to diffuse the situation in a different manner. I feel the same way, wishing I wouldn't have acted the way I did.

He's in the military and talked to someone today at work about marriage counseling. I am all for this, but he also wants me to get individual help. It's hard to hear that after 6 months of being married that we need help, but it's obvious we do. My problem is that he also wants me to do individual counseling because, as he said, "I would do it for you."

I was unwilling at first, and then I agreed to go for him, but now I'm second guessing the individual counseling again. I want to go for myself, not him, but I don't feel I need it. He thinks I have underlying issues, and that's why I acted out the way I did. To a certain extent I agree, on the outside looking in, but I really feel it was circumstantial. I've never done this before. I'm no longer picking up alcohol, as a promise I made to myself. I'd like to think I don't have a problem with controlling how I drink, even if it's only one or 2 weekend nights out of the month, but I went way too far that night and it's not worth it to me for something like this to happen again.

I'm really just not sure what to do. I'm terrified for the upcoming case against me, even though it's my first offense. I don't even have a speeding ticket, but the max is one year in jail so that's enough to scare anyone. I feel couples counseling is a great idea, as much as it makes me sad. And it's not that I won't admit that I don't have a problem. If we go to the couples counseling and the therapist suggests I go individually, then I will strongly consider going, I just don't want to be guilt tripped into going even though I am was the one undoubtedly in the wrong. Any advice?

lady, would you say that you have a problem with alcohol? Because you'll need to take care of that before anything else.

As far as the charges against you: if this is your first offense it's unlikely that you'll face more than a reprimand and probation. You'll also probably be required to attend alcohol couseling, which is something you should be thankful for.

Your H needs to do that, as well.

IMO, you need to do as much counseling as your insurance and/or your husband is willing to pay for. Even if you think you don't need it.

When you go to court, if you are contrite and have taken all these steps to make sure it never happens again, then the judge will go easy on you.

It sounds like you have both learned a big lesson.

I am pursuing individual counseling, and we're going to set up marriage counseling as well. I just want things to be alright again between us because yes we both learned a big lesson out of this. Thank you for the advice.

Hi Lady, welcome to Marriage Builders. Do you think you are an alcoholic?

My suggestion would be to forgo counseling, which is largely a huge waste of time, and focus on changing your destructive behaviors. You don't have to go to counseling to do that.

For example, you understand that you need to stop drinking. The next thing you would want to do is to learn to stop disrespectful behaviors and behave in a way that supports the love in your marriage, rather than erodes it.

You can do all that on your own if you just get these 2 books and follow the program diligently outlined in them. It will transform your marriage into a safe, sane place. The books I would recommend for you would be Lovebusters, Fall in Love - Stay in Love and the Five Steps to Romantic Love workbook. All of those books, except the last one can be picked up at the library or purchased cheap on the bookstore here.

Additionally, I would stay out of bars and avoid going out without each other. That will go a long way in removing the insanity in your marriage.

If you are an alcoholic, though, you are going to have to get treatment for that, ie: AA, etc.

How often do you have blackouts?

Melody(Twelve)Lane(Steps)

I'm not an alcoholic, but the occasional times I do drink I have gone too far, but's easily given up. It's not worth it to me, I don't need it, I don't turn to it when I'm depressed or angry so the choice is simple. We went out to a restaurant for valentine's day, he had a beer, and I didn't think twice about not ordering one because I said I wasn't touching anything anymore the night after the incident. He felt weird ordering it after because of me, but it honestly didn't bother me.

That was the first time I've ever not remembered what happened. I am still going to couples and individual counseling after talking for a while with my husband. It's the right thing to do. For his sake and mine. I have more anger management issues than anything with addiction. Thank you for the book recommendations. I will check them out.

I think the technical term for this is "messed up".

How did this come about??