Can't believe how many people are trying to survive affairs!! I have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 10, and have two beautiful children. Back in 2008 he started going out a lot on his own because we weren't getting along. While he turned to the bars and alcohol, I tried to find contentment with our children and FaceBook. Throughout 2008 he befriended a woman which resulted in an affair at the end of the year. He broke it off but she threatened to tell me about the affair so he paid her off throughout 2009. 2010 came along and he told her he couldn't pay her anything any longer so she threatened again to reveal their secret. In August of 2010 she called me and told me about the affair so my husband had no other choice but to come clean. We know why the affair happened (though that is not an excuse for it actually taking place) but have decided to work through this. We have been communicating more than ever now however I keep thinking about the actual sex they had and it infuriates me that he did this. I have been in counseling and we attend church regularly and our parents have been very supportive but I can't seem to move past this. I had to delete my FaceBook account as I kept stalking her page but I was afraid that I would be missing something if I didn't check on her daily. It doesn't help that she constantly crank calls our house and his cell. I can tell that he is tottally sorry for what he did and has been doing everything that he can to make up for this wrong but sometimes what he does is never enough. I love him but I just don't know how to get past the horrible thoughts that continue to enter my head. I'll tell him about the things I think happened in the affair and he says that I am way off and that all he ever wanted was me but the feelings didn't seem mutual. I always tell him that I wish I could erase the year 2008 but I know that our marriage problems started way before then ... though I didn't go out and have an affair How do I get past this? How do I start believing in him, in us, again?

AT the bottom of your post, there is little button that says "Notify." If you click on it, you can ask a moderator to move your message to the Surviving An Affair forum.

You'll get some great advice over there. This forum is for help when you couldn't work it out.

Good luck!

Thanks Kirby. I tried to figure out how to move it on my own but, being new to the site, I got a little overwhelmed.