I'm not getting my hopes up yet, but today was the first time that I sensed a change in H. I know I'm not supposed to be contacting him, but I called the house to see if he would be available for a doctor's appointment next week.<P>You see, I beleive my H is suffering from a mental disorder (possibly a type of depression) and I have been trying to get him in to see a psychiatrist. I have not forced this issue - he has indicated to me that he would like to see someone. So, I consulted with an M.D. who would like to do some screening to rule out any phisiological problems before referral to a psychiatrist or counseler. <P>This doctor who is older & very straighforward told me that he has seen too many cases where counseling not only didn't work but make things worse. I myself have become very leary of mental health professionals. I think there are many out there who are not qualified for some of the issues they are tackling.<P>Anyway, when I spoke with H, he just sounded different. He made a point of telling me he is reading the book I gave him (After the Affair). He also wants to take care of the pets while I am away next month. He sounded disappointed when I told him I already had a ride to the airport. And, he wanted to know who was taking me. <P>Yesterday, he returned from a week long vanishing act. Of course, I suspect he was with OW. <P>Do you suppose the grass wasn't greener on the other side? Or maybe fantasyland became tarnished by reality?<P>Like I said, I'm not getting my hopes up.<P>

Sidney,<BR>Yes, it may be having an effect. You sound strong but just realize that you cannot help but get your hopes up (the wide smiling happy face icon gave you away ). Your H may be turning the corner, but there is often another loop in the rollercoaster around the bend.<P>Stay with your plan B if it seems to be working. Do no be seduced out of it too quickly by changes in your H's behavior. And enjoy the ride!!<P>Starpony

Good advice, Starpony. I am taking it to heart. I guess maybe, I just want to feel hopeful for the sake of feeling hopeful. I know that even if there has been a lifting of the fog, there awaits a long, and arduous task of trying to rebuild. My trust has been shattered and it's going to take a long time for it to be restored. <P>Plus, he has been vascillating wildly, ever since this began, so it could very well be a temporary apparition.<P>Thanks for the reply.

Sidney<P>Glad to see you think Sidney's advice is good. Because it is. Where would you be without hope and faith. You need something to get through the day.<BR>Remember, take your time. Fast is slow, and slow is fast.<P>Having realistic expectations on how long the reconciliation, and re-building of your marriage is good. If you expect everything to be fixed by next Tuesday, your in for a great deal of dissapointment.<BR>Sounds like you are realistic. Hopefully, you have the patience and energy to survive this roller coaster ride.