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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13 |
Is it appropriate to use Plan A as a last-ditch effort in a situation where a spouse simply doesn't meet the other's emotional needs? There is no affair, but there is an enormous amount of neglect, independent behavior, and dishonesty. We've discussed this repeatedly, but nothing changes. I can't go on like this forever, but I'm very much in love with him and can't bring myself to simply end the relationship. If Plan A is an option in this situation, how long should I give it to work?
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651 |
I have a question. Since you KNOW that there is some level of dishonesty, why are you so certain that there is not an affair?
Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13 |
I had the same question, and I've asked him repeatedly, but he adamantly denies it. In fact, the last time I asked, he voluntarily showed me his cell phone logs, emails, text messages, etc. and there was nothing inappropriate. He even offered to take a polygraph, so I really don't think he is cheating. I do, however, wonder why he is frequently dishonest with me. That, along with all the time he spends traveling, etc., makes me feel very disconnected from him...
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13 |
My gut feeling is that his emotional needs are being met, and that's why he doesn't make changes when I complain. He is happily "doing his own thing," while I feel like we're 2 ships passing in the night. He seems incapable of follwing Dr. Harley's Policies of Undivided Attention and Joint Agreement. If I went to Plan A, do you think that might inspire him to pay more attention to our marriage? Any insight or suggestions would be much appreciated.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Halle, please contain your posts to one thread. It's difficult for us to follow your thoughts and answer your questions when you're posting on more than one. I'd suggest you stay on your other thread - you've gotten more replies there.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 13 |
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
No prob. It'll just make it easier for us to help you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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