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#2478783 02/18/11 08:05 AM
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Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, I still struggle with the oath and promise we made to each other not being in tact.......does anyone else feel this way?
It just feels like a lie to me a celebration of the vows the words we spoke, how is that a celebration now. What and how did the rest of you deal with this?
Do I just fake it until I feel it? Do I just not say anything, we have no plans, we have not talked about it........it is a bit of a big while elephant in the room........
Any advice would be appreciated...........
jessi


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
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Jessi,

Reclaim the day or create a new one by renewing your vows with your husband in a small intimate ceremony with close family and friends. This can be done on your actual anniversary (tough to pull off this year at his point) or on another day of the year. If you choose a new day then start celebrating your anniversary on that day instead moving forward.

Best of luck to you Jessi!

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Originally Posted by jessitaylor
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, I still struggle with the oath and promise we made to each other not being in tact.......does anyone else feel this way?
It just feels like a lie to me a celebration of the vows the words we spoke, how is that a celebration now. What and how did the rest of you deal with this?
Do I just fake it until I feel it? Do I just not say anything, we have no plans, we have not talked about it........it is a bit of a big while elephant in the room........
Any advice would be appreciated...........
jessi


Right there with you Jess, with the same feelings. In fact, for now it's not a safe conversation for FWW and I. Our wedding anniversary was the event that drove me to sign up for the forums - because I was going to implode or explode... or wtfsplode... I don't know... I was going nuts.

I did well enough to get FWW a card and say happy anniversary because - somehow - she still felt it meant something ("we made it, we survived" - uh, babe? 8 months ago you were schtupping another dude... we ain't made it nowhere).


Vow renewal has been mentioned - but I'm not ready.

I think you may be, Jessi. Maybe make it a new day, for a new marriage... yannow?


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I know what you mean. The way we BS's probably need to look at the anniversary for a while is that it is an honoring of commitment and perseverance under hardships. Since one of the marriage partners was committed to the marriage, at least there's a chance of the marriage surviving. In time, we will hopefully see that the WS is committed, too, in a stronger way than before.

We just had our 31st anniversary; it was about 2 months after DDay. So it was painful for me to consider as well. It was also painful for my FWH. He's very ashamed of the affair, but when the time came in church for "Joys & Concerns," he stood up and declared that it was our 31st anniversary, and he was thankful for that blessing. The only one in our community that knows of the affair is the chaplain, and he sincerely congratulated us, knowing of all that had recently transpired. H took the anniversary day off, and we went out to a quiet lunch next to the ocean. Mostly we talked about our future, a little reminiscing. H thanked me for staying with him to work through this. I struggled with being sad, though. H apologized again, saying that he would have loved to be truly celebrating the day with no adultery and if he could turn back the clock and take that part out, he would. Sigh.

I'm not ready for any sort of vow renewal either at this point. I have kept my vows; he did not, so to me I didn't get the point of a vow renewal.

God's blessings on you as you keep on going...


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

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Originally Posted by 51CD30
I'm not ready for any sort of vow renewal either at this point. I have kept my vows; he did not, so to me I didn't get the point of a vow renewal.

Ya think?

So, for the record, it's not a man or woman thing, it's a BS thing.

Right now, I don't want to hear a thing from her about vows.

I offer the 2 best things I can; follow MB, be here (which makes following MB possible).



"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR

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