I'm starting my very own divorcing thread. Finally.

Overview of the facts:

Himself and I got married in 1984. I quit my job and became a stay-at-home wife a few months after we got married. We started having babies in 1987 and popped out one every 2-3 years until there were five. From all appearances we were the family that had it all - successful, churchgoing, happy family. Appearances were deceiving because he was always verbally & emotionally harsh, but I/we dealt with it.

In 2003 he started acting oddly. After years of declaring himself to be very, very conservative - socially, politically, and in religious beliefs, Himself started listening to the liberal radio station for news. He joined a running group and that group became the focus of his life.

Every week on the way home from church he started complaining about the sermon. It sounded like he was trying to talk the children OUT of having any kind of faith. Eventually he told me that he didn't believe the Bible was true.

Also around the same time, he insisted on buying a convertible and a boat. Yes, it DOES sound like a classic mid-life crisis.

Of course, the marriage was getting worse and worse, and he became increasingly verbally abusive. Around this time he slapped middle dd for no good reason. I told him that the marriage was over if he ever did that again.

In 2006 or 7 Himself declared that we needed marriage counseling. We went to the counselor a few times, but he explained that he didn't need to change, and that he expected the counselor to do something to "help" (fix) me.

Counselor (who seemed to be a nice guy, but kinda clueless) was very confused by the things we said in sessions. It sounded like two different marriages. He finally asked to talk to the children. Counselor saw them as a group without us present. After that, he believed my version was more correct and told Himself that he should have a few sessions of individual counseling.

Himself went to a total of three sessions and then always found excuses. Eventually, I started going by myself for help in dealing with the way Himself treated me.

In 2008 Himself told me that he wanted to meet with me and the marriage counselor. I was not seeing the guy regularly, and I did not know that Himself had seen counselor since he quit going. Himself wanted to tell me that he was moving out of the house. I told him that HE had to tell the kids.

That evening, I gathered the children and told them their father had an announcement to make. He told them that he didn't think about how it was going to affect them, but he was moving out. He packed his bags and left.

Since I had access to his work email on the computer at home, I started monitoring what he was doing. Within a few days of moving out of the house, he was asking RunnerSlut to be his date for a dinner out the group was planning. She turned him down.

After being turned down a few times by RunnerSlut, and noticing that we had a really nice family vacation planned for January of '09, he asked to come back home. I let him come back about two months after he moved out.

Himself had been spending 3-4 hours (or more) a week with RunnerSlut and his other running buddies, and he continued to do so. We met with Clueless Marriage Counselor a few more times, and I asked Himself to quit seeing her. Himself said that the non-relationship was over and refused to end the "friendship." Clueless Counselor didn't seem to think that it was a big deal.

Next several months were horrible, but he traveled for work a lot.

In August of '09 we had another very nice family vacation planned to celebrate our 25th anniversary. Shortly before we left, Himself hit our youngest child hard enough to make him cry. Then he harassed DS because he was crying. My mother was visiting at the time and we were busy working on a project. Middle DD's boyfriend was there. It was horrible and embarrassing and two of the children had to come and tell me that Dad was being mean to youngest DS and I finally had to go put it an end to it.

We went on the vacation. It was horrible. We came back. He left on a work trip the next day. While he was gone, I decided to ask him to move out again. At that time, I did not have a plan to get divorced. I just knew that I couldn't live with the tension any more. The children and I were truly walking on eggshells.

The night he came home, I handed him his suitcase from the vacation that he had never unpacked, gave him another suitcase that I had packed for him and asked him to leave.

Within a week, he was asking RunnerSlut out on dates, and opened a separate bank account and started depositing his paycheck there. When I asked him what was going on about the money, he told me that he needed to change banks because his business was using the other bank, and that he'd been planning to take over paying the family bills, so I shouldn't worry.

He never took over the bills.

I found a good lawyer.

Filed for divorce in November of '09. He refused to set up a visitation schedule for the boys, who were the only minor children. In December of '09 I moved to a different place that is in my name alone.

Himself still refused to set up a visitation schedule, and would randomly call or email and ask to see them. About 2/3 of the visits were for the boys to haul trash for him (cleaning out the garage, trimming bushes/trees, etc.). The rest of the visits were dinner or laser tag and then bring them straight back to my house.

In August of last year, shortly after our 26th anniversary passed, Himself asked me to reconsider the divorce. He acted like he wanted to try to work out the marriage. The day I told him no, he changed his Facebook status to "in a relationship," referring to his affair with RunnerSlut. I believe that the affair became sexual shortly after that.

Visitation became less and less. Divorce was moving very slowly. Finally, over a year after filing, we entered a custody agreement this past December. Since the boys are now 14 and 16 their wishes can be taken into account here, and my lawyer also wrote that into the parenting plan.

We had mediation in January. After two long, exhausting meetings, we came to an agreement about the financial end of things for the divorce. Mediation was completed January 14th. After multiple drafts and phone calls between the lawyers, etc. the final marital dissolution agreement was written.

But there's a problem. I'll tell about it in the next post.

So now there's a problem. The day I went in to my lawyer's office to sign the final Marital Dissolution Agreement, she told me that Himself has hired another lawyer.

By the way, this is lawyer #3.

Lawyer #1 lives in Middle TN, and we are in West TN. Since Himself has spent years building a reputation as a Fine Christian Businessman, someone recommended Lawyer #1 because he has a reputation for saving marriages. Once #1 saw that there was an extra-marital relationship, he helped Himself find a local lawyer and resigned from the case.

Lawyer #2 has an excellent reputation. He's known to be very fair, thorough, and patient, if a bit plodding. My lawyer has worked with him in a few cases and opposed him in many. She thinks he is an excellent lawyer. When she asked #2 what was going on, he said that he is PISSED at Himself. Apparently, Himself got angry at #2 and went off at him. So, #2 fired Himself as a client, and is just staying on until the divorce is complete.

Which brings us to #3. Number 3 told my lawyer that he is co-counsel. Even though #2 says that's not so. Number 3 says that he was hired to deal with matters pertaining to the children.

Now there IS a problem with the custody agreement. The person who is listed as the mediator when the parents can't agree has refused to take that role. We need to get someone else.

But, from what my lawyer is telling me, and a teeny bit of research that I have done, it's not that easy to make substantial changes in a custody agreement in this state. Once it's done, then you need to prove that there has been a change in circumstances since the last custody agreement was filed. Hello?? It's only been two months!!

In the meantime, it's been a month since mediation was completed. I signed the marital dissolution agreement a week ago. But, the divorce has not been placed on the court calendar yet. (I can check it online.)

I am freaking out, because this needs to end. I need my half of the marital assets. I need the alimony to start.

So, back to the title of my thread - Can he DO this?? Can he hire a new lawyer and pretend that we're back at the beginning again??

This is a little out of my realm, Kirby, but can't the court award temporary support? What does your attorney say about that?

We have a problem with that.

The judge assigned to our case has issues. She may be an alcoholic or she may have Alzheimer's. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but she has memory problems and has started lashing out at the lawyers in court.

Both lawyers have been trying to avoid court, because the judge is so erratic. My lawyer has never tried to get temporary support because of the judge, and Himself's lawyer convinced him to give me an adequate amount of support so that I've been able to get by for all these months.

After the custody agreement was entered, he started only giving me the child support.

We had a trial date set for early this month, and supposedly the mediation was done, so the lawyers went to court and told the judge that the case was to be moved to the non-contested calendar.

If either lawyer shows up in front of that judge again about our divorce, she's going to completely flip out.

The last time she got angry at them, she reamed them out for over an hour. And, it's not just my lawyer. I was told that she freaks out over not much on a fairly regular basis.

So today I got a copy of a letter that my attorney sent to #2 AND #3. She said that her client is not available for a deposition and that everything is done in the divorce.

Then the kicker - I got an email from my husband asking when the divorce was going to be final.

Just checked the online information. Lawyer #3 is the only attorney of record on the case now.

So what is he wanting to change? Or has he changed his mind on wanting to change his mind? I'm confused.

I thought a dissolution agreement, if both parties have sighed it would be the end of it,

Has Himself sighed????

If your lucky enough that that has happened then your set and if he is choosing to try to change the parenting agreement, that would just be another trip to court to start fighting over that, but that would be a modification to what he just agreed to

Your lawyer should be able to answer those questions pretty quick, and if not, she doesn't know what she's doing.....

I have no idea if he's signed it yet. It got sent to #2's office last week.

Yesterday, my attorney sent #2 a letter asking him what needed to happen from our side to make sure the divorce was finalized.

From the information I have, it looks like #3 went to court on Friday and filed a notice that he would be appearing with #2.

Yesterday, #3 sent a letter to my attorney and #2 stating that he was now co-counsel on the case.

Today, #2's name is conspicuously missing from the online file and only #3 is listed.

So, today, my lawyer sent a letter to both of them requesting clarification and telling #3 that the matter is settled and her client is not available for deposition.

I suspect that #2 sent it to him in the mail to sign, because he didn't want to see him again, and it's still sitting in the mailbox.

I think everybody's confused.

I would press your lawyer for a court date,

Not sure if that's appropriate, but I would hope so....

Since we're in the same state, as I understand the process if you have had a formal mediation, and you haven't reached an understanding then you can force himself to court, and a judge will rule and it will be settled one way or another......

My impression of what I read between the lines is, himself is fishing for a better deal, and is using the process to take advantage of that. I hope your lawyer is ready to force a court settlement to happen and move things forward.

Sorry your judge is crazy but that might just be to your advantage as you can show that you had things settled and Himself is now on his 3rd lawyer and wanting to rewrite the agreement, the judge won't like that....... not one bit

That's what's so crazy about this whole thing. In theory we DO have an agreement. There were three witnesses to the fact that there was an agreement - the mediator, his lawyer, and my lawyer.

I guess I just need to have some MORE patience and wait and see what lawyers #2 & #3 tell my lawyer.

In the meantime, he's already in violation of something he agreed to in the parenting plan, AND he still hasn't taken the required parenting class.

Kirby,

You've got to keep a journal of all this, it will help if you have to go to court over it,

And I don't think mediation is binding, either party can back out so Himself has the right to do what he has done........can imagine how frustrating this can be for you........

Of course that doesn't include him not paying what he is obligated to, it may be in his right not to agree to the mediation but that doesn't mean that you can't make it difficult for him, the fastest way to his heart is thru his walet!!!! Get your lawyer to get an emergency spousal support hearing to correct what the idiot has stopped paying plus what ever else you can justify. I bet that brings him around quicker.

cheese and rice!! i dont know what else to say.

I just got a copy of a letter from Lawyer #3 to the judge stating that he has a conflict with the judge and requesting a new judge.

Still not divorced.

Still incredibly annoyed.

Told my lawyer that I need temporary support if this is going to be re-negotiated.

Good grief, Kirby. If it weren't so aggravating, I'd say this was a comedy of errors, and the lawyers were the Three Stooges. Except that they seem to have more on the ball than do either the judge or STBXH.

Just googled the latest lawyer. He was censured in 2007 by the Board of Professional Responsibility based on 3 complaints. In one of the complaints he had been representing a woman for 8 years and still hadn't completed her divorce.

Oh. Bother.

I can't believe that my home state would allow a divorce to go on for 8 years. I know here in DE, you can actually be held in contempt/countersued for deliberately holding up the proceedings... Maybe look into that?

I am sorry to hear this. Amazing what a supposed adult will do, to show that they are the exact opposite of an adult.

I would definitely press for the support, make sure ask for all you can. The harder you hit the WH the more likely he will be to realize that working out a solution will be to his benefit.

In my case the if I had withdrawn my support of my WW she could have taken me to court for temporary support. It's a hearing that can be set up quickly. The judge that hears the temp support is not the judge that settles the case. In my case if the WW could have established the need for that support, my lawyer said that would have an influence the judge that would later hear the D case. That a precedence would be set for support and the amount of alimony I would have to pay would be effected by it.

I think even if the judge that is to hear your D case allows, the change to a different judge, that the temp support hearing can go ahead immediately.

So press for it I see it as a Win Win for you

I think you're right SC. I was totally stressed out about the whole thing, but now that I've slept on it, I can see some positives here.

My lawyer has been trying to avoid court because of the crazy judge. With this new lawyer, if we get a different judge, she can go for temporary support. The amount of alimony that was in the original negotiation was pretty low in the circumstances. If I'm able to get temporary support, it will be higher than the negotiated alimony, and then that will be a precedent for higher alimony when/if we have to renegotiate the settlement.

My lawyer told me a month ago that the divorce would be final within two weeks at the most. Instead, Himself is jerking me around. Again. Sigh.

My parents think that he just doesn't want to give me my half of the marital assets.

That's good to know. I will discuss it with my lawyer on Monday. Thanks for the suggestion!