Sorry - you may have mentioned this and I missed it: how is it that OW is able to contact your H? Has he not changed his cell phone number or blocked her?

That skank might be the Queen of Sheba in her own little mind, but she doesn't get to dictate what you do or don't do. I'd be inclined to let her know that, not only do you intend to leave your page up, you plan to add another one if she continues to contact your H: "The Skank Ho (insert her name here) is trying to steal my husband" page."

Time to expose this all over the place.

When you check FB, look at OWH's friends list, and then skank ho's friends, and your own WH's friends. There are bound to be mutual friends - expose to everyone.

EVERY. ONE.

Open up your fake FB page to anyone to view. Who cares if a fake page is openly exposed? Put up as your status that your wayward husband is openly in an affair with the skank ho.

Link over to skank ho's husband's page, and make sure he gets that exposure and friend him, too. Make sure he sees it, and make sure your hubby and her friends and his friends see it.

They WILL think you are crazy.

"My husband, Joe Smith, is having an affair with Skank Ho. It started around _____ 2010. I love my husband, I will fight for my marriage and my family. Affairs are WRONG, and I am asking everyone to stand up for MARRIAGE!"

And this is the problem: he is allowing her to contact him because the affair is still going strong. Her WS had to turn over his cell phone bills so he made up this cockmamie excuse that she keeps contacting him. She is allowed to contact him because the affair is still going strong.

And he is now colluding with the OW to get her to delete her facebook page. The affair has NEVER STOPPED so there are not really multiple D-Days, those are just the days she has caught him. And there is more to come unless she kills the affair...

I agree with Mel. H is allowing OW to contact him and getting his "fix" from the A.

In my case, the OW repeatedly contacted my H (followed him into his office, asked him to lunch (cursed him when he refused),sought him out in the parking lot, asked him to meet her outside to talk). My H almost always complied, saying that he did not want to talk to her, but wanted to avoid conflict. Amazingly (or not so amazingly), it was my H that initiated contacted after more than 16 months of NC.

Do not underestimate the draw of the addiction to the A as well as the current lack of committment from your H.

AM

Edit to add: In addition, your H is attempting to protect the OW at your expense.

Also agree with Mel.

Lots of posters with this issue lately. They think that NC has been established because the WS "agreed" with it, but if the WS will not change their phone #, email account (however they communicated with OP) OR will not be transparent, the BS needs to stay in affair-fighting mode/stay in the Plan A/Plan B mindset.

**(Unwillingness to write a SAA NC letter is also a red flag)

I believe that you have every right to have a FB account. Every one else in the world does...AND, your H and his girlfriend are in no position to ask you to do anything, IMHO... It is you who should be making decisions.

I would consider telling your H that you would like for him to change his #'s and you get a copy of the bill each month.
I would also consider putting a GPS on his vehicle and possibly even a voice activated recorder.
The others are right...as long as there is contact, the affair is ongoing.
Exposure is key.
You're pregnant and your H is in an A? Wow, that's really awful. I would expose to everyone you can think of and I would also contact OWH again and let him know that the contact is ongoing.

Sorry I have not been back to update or post. I am trying not to deal with too much directly as I have gone into early labor and been placed in the hospital on bed rest. Things that are upsetting tend to bring on contractions and it is just too early.

Well, at this point I have taken much of the advice given. We will see what comes of it. I am ready to jump to Plan B if the NC is not followed. Just a difficult thought and difficult to do at the moment.

At this point, you and that baby are the most important, so please, do whatever you need to do to stay healthy.

Hang in there D2D!


It regards to this: "Trying to figure out how to trust again while taking care of my family as best I can."

Please don't try to figure out how to trust, that's just too much to ask from somebody who's d-days are still so fresh. Trust will come with time, extra precautions, and care from your H. Let him earn it, it is not on you to give at this time!

I'm about 3 1/2 years out from d-day and I still do not fully trust, and truly, I don't think I ever will, and I'm okay with that.

Now, having said that, I also still snoop, though nowhere near as much as I used to, because my snooping has shown me that my H is earning my trust.

Until I became disabled, I was a labor and delivery nurse, for decades. You're in a difficult spot, because dealing with this causes stress, and not dealing with it (so that it continues unabated) causes stress. Only you can know for sure which stress is harder to take, but please do your best to minimize it...and use the nurses (whenever you're in the hospital) as a buffer from stress that comes to you. They should have no problem playing the "heavy", if they need to.

tl

Hello again! It's been awhile. There have been some good things happening for me. I have a new man in my life. He is beautiful and healthy and thinks I am the greatest person on earth. The downside is he doesn't sleep through the night yet.

The second good thing is the DH and I are definitely in recovery. Things aren't perfect but we have made some great changes and continue to work on things every day. I still have bad days mixed in with the good and UA time is usually shared (out of necessity) with our new guy. He does sleep through a lot of it including our walks.

We have some things to change to make sure we are following the program to the letter but we are getting closer. I will continue reading and posting because this road is proving just as difficult as the previous one. Thank you to those who have offered help and those who have helped just by sharing their own stories.

d2d, congrats on your beautiful son. I paused for a second when you said you had a new man in your life then laughed!

Hope you are following MB principles and that NC has been firmly established with OW.

Blessings on your new child

LOL! My eyes got wide! Then I finished the paragraph - whew!

Congrats on your new little one! Stay with us!

Thank you. And sorry, I couldn't resist. :> Having a new one is amazing.

My struggles now are dealing with triggers and figuring out what they are. I am also trying to decide if I am agreeing with FWH so there is no chance for a conflict or I truly am in agreement or indifferent. There are still little things that bother me and I bring them up and later second guess myself wondering if they were LBs. I usually end up looking up the definitions and deciding whether they are or aren't from there. So in a nutshell I am still a bit of a mess. I think lack of sleep is contributing but the flip side to that is that there are times I would otherwise be more upset about something and I address it and let it go.

Congratulations on your son, d2d!

You left your story unfinished in February, and now you have come back saying that you are in recovery.

How did you get to that place? What happened about contacting OWH? How did the Facebook exposure go? How can you be sure that there is NC now?

I'm sorry but your H's actions in allowing the contact and continuing the affair after several D Days are just too similar to those of my H's. I would love to hear that the affair is over, but I would need serious convincing to believe it.