Not only am I in the midst of dealing with the 2 yr affair my wife had. The continuous lies upon lies. The deceit to the point where she convinced me to quit my career of 20 yrs and a 6 figure salary. The convining me that things were all over with him and we were on the road to recovery. The false use of religion as a shield...claiming the Lord allowed her to stray in order to learn a lesson. The constant pleadings for me to give her "one last chance". The fact that she would send our son to spend the night at a friends house so OM could have sex with her in MY bed while I was out of town on business. The false reasons why she went off birth control. The requests that each time we did anything that I had to wear protection. The fact that she was still sleeping with OM. The fact that she never requested him to use protection. The fact that she is now pregnant with his child. The lie that her due date was January. <P>And now that little extra shake of the salt into my bleeding open wound of a heart....<BR>her actual due date is......mid February.....on MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!<P>Please, just get it over with and kill me! Take me now Lord! Call me home now!!!!!!<BR>I just can't take this anymore. I thought I could handle it, but I can't....I'd so much like to take the big exit.....but that would be more selfish than everything she's done. Besides, I owe it to my son to give him the best life I can offer him.<P>There's a woman out there for me I know, I just need to find her. Anyone know how I can get in touch with Marisa Tomei?... <BR>(actually I'm pretty serious on that)<P>==========<P>Blues<BR>Hoping to be Mr. Marisa Tomei

Hi Blues<P>I am sorry that you are hurting I know the feeling!! The lies are the worst I mean why not just tell the truth and spare everyone alot of hurt right? Any way who is Marisa Tomei ? I have never heard of her anyway I seriously doubt that she could make it better !!<P>Jenny<BR>South Africa<BR><P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<P>

Blues,<P>I, for one, think that Marisa Tomei would make things a lot better.<P>I'm confused though; it sounds like you're working through these issues in an attempt to save the marriage (I endorse this action even MORE than Marisa). But you say that you'd like to take the big exit---are you referring to divorce or (gasp!) suicide.<P>If you're working on the marriage, great. Think of that birthday as a present for you---you'll have a beautiful child that OM won't. <P>And if you're in the process of divorce, send me the invite to your wedding, soon-to-be Mr. Marisa Tomei! <P>(I've been here Blues. It really does get better. Our baby's due date was Christmas Eve. The previous Christmas eve I got to read a email between my wife and the OM where they were pledging their undying love and how they'd be snuggled under the Christmas tree next year. Not likely---more a delivery room!)

jendan69, <BR> Marisa Tomei is an actress (although some critics will disagree) here in the States and like K claims, she would no doubt make things a lot better. She's my type (I hope) of a woman. Probably her most famous movie was "My cousin Vinny". Do a search of her name on the Net, you'll see who I'm talking about.<P>K, I was trying to save the marriage, have been for the past 2 yrs. All attempts have failed. We've been to numerous "professionals" and pastors and I even talked with Dr. Harley, she won't or she just stops going or carrying requests out. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of doing ALL the work. I figure if she isn't into saving this marriage, she isn't worth having one. So I'm ready for the papers to be served. I hate and dread the day I do it, but I feel it needs to be done and I need to move on. One of my demands to get things on track again is the lieing must stop. It hasn't. She's still hiding things and I only find out cuz her stories end up getting tangled with what she told before and then she can't lie her way out anymore. I'm tired of finding all kinds of new things out based on her claims of "I didn't want you to know cuz it would hurt you" Duh! Do you think having another man's child on my birthday isn't hurtful? Geez! It just amazes me at her rational these days even now. I'd just assume save myself anymore heartache from her and cut ties and move on. I could really enjoy being Mr. Marisa Tomei... And I could care less how famous she is or how much $$ she has, I can support myself (just a note, I got back into my career and I'm still making the amount I was when she had me quit). I just want to get on with a woman who'll love me for me and not my paycheck or what my paycheck can buy them.<P>I've thought about raising this child as ours and actually had good thoughts at the fact the OM will know he has a child out there that I'm shaping and molding to my morals and ideals, not his. The thoughts made me smile at how much that would bother him, but at the same time, I don't think I can handle the pain of what that child will represent to me.<P>I know you've done such, but I'm also sure you realize our situations are completely different. As strong as I've been throughout this whole affair is astonishing to the people that know. I've been called a complete moron for giving her all the chances I have or a complete saint for them. DEpends on which way you look at it. I tend to feel more like the moron these days.<P>My wife will insist she'll change her ways and accept certain issues we've had a hard time with in the past. I've changed each and every issue she asked me to, she hasn't doen one damned thing...oops, I'm not suppose to use the word "damn" anymore according to her...don't tell her... The one main sticking point between us is our religious views. She's a Southern Baptist, I'm Roman Catholic...so you might know where that can lead... Problem is, she's such a hypocrite on her religion it drives me nuts. And then she'll use it as a shield. I HATE THAT!<BR>Don't get me started on that, I don't think MB's has a server big enough for my rants.. <P>Can you tell I'm frustrated on this whole deal? I'm tired of fighting a one sided battle and she doesn't seem to care or notice. I also think she'd just assume get a divource so she and the OM can get back together...something she claims will never, ever happen.....right!

Blues.<BR>It sounds like everyone on this forum has the blues today. Sometimes I wonder how it can get any worse. You struggle and struggle to keep the one you love and all they seem to do is pain you even more. I don't have any great words for you, I'm about to throw in the towel too. My h thinks that by walking away from that my pain will stop. I can't seem to make him understand that I don't want him to go. That walking away is not stopping my pain, only adding to it. I need some time away from him, time to clear my head. Maybe a mini vacation away from it all would help. Who knows, you might bump into Marisa!!! God loves you.

Blues, you amaze me, you are alot stronger than you realize. I would never have lasted as long you have. A saint is truely what I think....otherwise I think we would all be called morons. I served my H with papers alot sooner than I probably should have, but I couldn't take the pain any longer. My news is that we made it and we just past the year mark, I consider myself lucky. But I found out that with or without him I would be ok. I certainly knew I would love again, although I said my next H would be a woman (ha ha). I wanted the pain to go away so bad I thought of doing something very irrational, but there was no way I would leave my children to the other woman (NO WAY), so that kept me going. Your Wife has no idea what she is going to loose in you. Blues keep your chin up, a rainbow is coming your way!

ceecee, glad,<P>Thanks so much. As it stands right now, we both figure on I will go my way with full custody of our son, she will go her way with OM's child. We have the DNA test in about a week, 2 weeks after that we'll get the results. She already knows it's not mine and figures once the official word is in, papers will be served. I'm figuring once the word is in, I'll need to get away...a nice vacation...maybe I'll retreat to upstate Vermont and veg with the cows on some dairy farm or just to float around on Lake Champlain looking for signs of Champ. But I really need some advise asap. I hope you or anyone else here can advise me on this one. I get the impression my wife figures our marriage will be over as soon as the test results come back in about a month. This morning as I was leaving for work she asked me on a date. She said "we could go out to dinner, come home entertain" our son "a bit, put him to sleep and then maybe we could get a little naughty". Is she just looking to get a little last bit of affection from me before it's over or what? I'm so confused. It's hard enough (no pun intended) for me to get in "the mood" without thinking about OM being there, but now she's starting to show. It's one thing to overcome thoughts but as visual as guys are......I mean it's one thing if I did that to my wife, it would be considered a beautiful thing but when you know another man did that to her while you were away providing for your family...well you seem to get rather upset that some guy is ruining your wife's drop dead perfect body. I'm just so afraid if we got to that point this w/e and I have a hard time leading up to it, how in the world do I explain this to her? Is she just looking for a tumble in the sack? It's been a long time. Is she trying to tell me to stay with her? There are times that I wish we just lived under different roofs, but she can't afford it just yet and I feel if I don't push her out, she won't go on her own like she stated she would. I'm already living in a different part of the house from her. She's mentioned just splitting the rent and she stays there until our house sells. Ok, I'm rambling... <P>Has anyone found out how I can get in touch with Marisa Tomei yet? I just wanna take her out to dinner and talk, get to know her, let her get to know me. Besides, it would serve a great purpose to my wife. She claimed I'd never get a chance to be with Marisa cuz I wouldn't be able to "attract" her. Nice for my ego huh? Granted I'm not Mel Gibson but I'm no Danny DeVito either.. I'm no crazed fan or anything, I just want to meet her in person. Hell, her people could do a complete background check on me if they wanted... <P>Anyways, can someone try to clarify what my wife might be wanting to do or accomplish?

Blues, I think I'm as confused as you are. Sometimes, they want it both ways....still want the op but still want you too. My H was running around trying to meet this ow but would have a fit if I even said I was going out with my friends. He told me many times he could never imagine another man touching me. But never thought twice about what he was doing. At this point I think what I would do, is tell her that you love her, and would like to work things out, but you can not get "naughty" with her under these circumstances. I mean what is she doing? What if the om knew? I think it is more for her ego, you know like knowing she can still have you if she wants. I know thats hard for you, everytime my H would want to be with me, I wanted him. I was so afraid it would be the last time. I'm really not sure if those are her true feelings though, she set you up (or I guess I should say the OM) to have a baby, that pretty cruel. I wish you could go on vacation for a while and meet you "woman". There's no doubt you would pass the background check. I believe you deserve to be happy and I wish I could give you that. Please keep smiling.....hang in there

Glad..,<BR>Yeah, she loved having it both ways. She knew she always had me there for support and comfort and of course the great sex (that was one of the highlights of our relationship) but at the same time while I was 30 miles away at work, she had OM right up the road who was able to leave work at any time for a "nooner". She'd call him up in the morning as soon as she got up....she said it was so she could start her day off with a smile. Gee, thanks hun. She did things like baked him a batch of cookies to "satisfy" him over the Holidays because she wouldn't be able to get away while my family was down. She NEVER did anything of that sort for me and little things like that just mean soooo much to me, things like a card or just a note on a scrap of paper saying "I love you". That's all I need. I mentioned it a long time ago on here but it needs to be said again.....she actually forgot every major occasion for me during her affair....Father's day, my birthday, our anniversary, Xmas (yes, she forgot to get me a Christmas gift, not even a card)! Can you imagine how I felt?<BR>We've talked about how different things would have been if it was I who was unfaithful, my butt would have been out the door on first notice and I'd be fighting just to see our son and my bank account would be nill along with me sleeping in my car...if I even had one after that.. This subject came up last weekend too and once again she told me that after all I've put up with for her, she'd atleast forgive me or "allow" me to do the same to her. This floored me! Is she telling me I can go out and screw around without having to worry? If so I see it as that being a way to lessen the guilt on her if I did such. I now recall finding a survey she once did that I happen to find after it fell out of the trash. The survey asked: if you could have an affair without your spouse ever finding out, would you? She answered yes. <BR>Right now, I guess I would almost have to say the same thing knowing what I know now.<P>I'm a bit confused on your next question of "what if the other man knew?"<BR>Knew what, that we were still having sex? or that she was about to have his child? He knows or figures on about both. When she found out she was pregnant, she called him first! He also knows we're still living together, but he doesn't know the circumstances...we're 600+ miles away from him now. I don't think she set anyone up to have a child, it's like the worst timing for that to happen. I asked her why in the owrld she would go off birth control while she was still sleeping with OM. She said "to save the $20 per month"! Can you imagine? A lousey $20!!! Look what she's gonna have to spend per month on this new child now. That floored me too, I figured I married a much smarter woman than that. It's not like we were hurting for cash. I make a pretty good living. Well I just got back from meeting her for lunch. For the most part we didn't even have anything to talk about..typical these days. But I did mention to her I was thinking about taking that vacation up to Vermont. She asked me if I'd go by myself or take the family? I told her I need to get away just by myself for a while to get my head straight. She agreed I should do it, that I need it.<BR>Maybe I should??? <BR>I think I do deserve to be happy after all this and don't sell yourself short, chances are you probably could make me happy....afterall, we both know what we're going thru, wec ould probably do eachother good.....should I book a flight to Burlington Vt for one or 2?...

Glad, <P>I was reading another post here, "does it make a difference who the OP is?" and I saw your post to that where you stated "But what if the other person was overweight and ugly?<BR>Then how would you understand?" <P>That just hit home so well with me. I knew the OP, he IS overweight and ugly! Seriously. He's about 6'2" and weighs about 350+, is never clean shaven (actually he isn't able to grow full facial hair), dresses like crap, etc. Me? I'm 5'7", 180 lbs exactly and in very good shape, dress well (typical white collar job requires such), always clean shaven, etc. I in no way can imagine the site of them 2 together! No way! My wife is a very attractive woman, has done modeling years ago, has been approached to do it again recently, she's 5'9" 115 lbs (well ok, she's putting on a few these last couple of months with the child and all) and looks like Julia Roberts but without the big mouth. I guess the closest comparision would be to put Chris Farley and Julia Roberts together... Oh my God what a sight!.. So I could never really understand why or how they could be together before I knew the deal. Unfortunatly I understand from her that the reasons why she was so attracted to him was thier emotional connections, he was very much like her father and that in the bedroom he's rather "larger" than I am. Nice ego booster huh? His "size" was able to do things for her that I never was. OK, this is begining to bother me to much again...I gotta let this go for a while...tears are starting to well up....

Blues, you do make me smile. You know they can be very harmful in the words they use can't they? Here I am (back a year ago) about to loose the man I love and he tells me he likes to be with her because she is so light hearted. Light hearted????? He wants me to be light hearted and my life is falling apart. My H met the ow on-line and then left fathers day weekend to meet her, he said he would have never given her the time of day if he had met her at work, but he couldn't walk away from the "feeling" he had for her. Now my H is a avid workout person, sounds like your height and weight and likes women thin. This ow, although not obese, was very large. At least my H said it wasn't the sex, which I believe because he still always wanted to be with me. But just the thought of it makes me want to cry. I still have to wonder about your w going off the pill. Being a woman myself (last time I checked anyway), I can not believe she wasn't thinking about getting pregnant. I still to this day (and now happily married) do not take any chances with birth control. I am not interested in having children so unless I fall in that .05% ....there will be no more. I still think she got pregnant on purpose. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's what I think. Please take that vacation for yourself, get out and take in the fresh air, you may come home a new man. One more thing, I think your w says things to you (like the size) to hurt you. She wants you to feel worse about yourself so she is in control. Bottom line is the best sex is always the person you love the most, has nothing to do with size. Book that flight before you back out of it.

Blues, I am sorry for what you are going thru, I can tell it is hell for you. I can tell that you are a decent guy... I hope that you find happiness in your life, and that you find someone who will appreciate you.. i know you will.

your wife is like lady macbeth: practiced at the art of deception...but then again, it takes one to know one: i lied to my H so that HE would get me pregnant, and he used my deceit as an excuse to sleep with his paramour, and told her it was not his! (she called me and demanded i take a paternity test!) put simply, i wanted another child more than i wanted my H, so i took my chances this would end our lame sham of a marriage (our first child is an absolute perfect gene match, i figured i'd strike gold twice).<BR>Well, i think we are working on the marriage, anyway, but there is a LOOOOONG road ahead.<BR>What did your wife do to get you to quit your fabulous job, anyway? ahh the power women have....<P>------------------<BR>for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part.<P><BR>

Blues, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have a few questions? Reading your posts, I wonder if you place to much value on looks. Not that it's not important to keep yourself up, of corse it is. Do either of you go to Church? Which one? Did you try to get her to go to her Church with you? The Babtist Pastor would never condon such behavior from your W that you have discribed. It's a thought. God is on your side, why not use his power and his people to turn this situation around. She can only fake it for so long among true beleavers. Maybe you could go and ask for prayer for your marriage, not to tell on her, but to atleast let the Church she belongs to know there is a problem. Turn it over to God, let him handle your problems. It saves alot of confusion that you seem to be going through. I'm praying for you and God Bless.<BR>Ginn

hey Blues, you still out here or did you decide to take that vacation? Let us know how you are doing......Keep smilin

Hey Glad,<BR>Yeah I'm still here...no vacation yet.. <BR>Our "date" lastnight never panned out, she came home from work and was too tired. Funny how the shoe is on the other foot for her now. I was working 12 hr days and then hitting the gym for 1.5 M-F and then she'd want to go to the mall. She could never understand how I could have been tired. Well Duh! She was home all day doing nothing, not even thawing out dinner! Now she has gotten a taste of working a full day...I love it! Well as it stands she wants to go out tonight instead. I'll post the results tomorrow.<P>As far as the sex issues you pointed out, she admits she was head over heels in love with OM, she never was in love with me, still isn't. She does claim to "love me" but isn't "in love"...you know what I mean. So yeah, I can understand how the sex could have been great. Dr. Harley even states it could be the most intense sex one could ever have. But also on top of all that, she did state that due to his size, both his weight and manhood, he had an easier time getting her to the point of no return. She claimed due to his gut (not her words) he was able to make better and constant contact with that all important spot on a woman. Me, since I'm on the thin, muscular side I really have to work on it. But I'm sure not gonna put on a few pounds to make my job there easier.. Now, the few times we've had sex since all this, it's been rather poor and one sided. I seem to do all the work and give all the pleasure, I get nothing in return. Foreplay on her part doesn't exist anymore and frankly I told her that if it doesn't improve, it'll stop altogether.<P>On the baby issue, there was a time before she went off the pill she claimed she wanted to have another child. Actually she wants 3 and claims that if we stay together thru all this we can have one of our own right after this one. Like that's suppose to make me feel better??? I told her that our relationship would have to really improve before I'd entertain the thought of another child. She agreed and promised she'd change and work out all matters to my liking. Problem was as usual she's all talk, no action and continued to see the OM. I really believe this was an oops on thier part. Although it wouldn't surprize me if it's what HE wanted to do in order to make sure he got my wife afterall. I know it really burst his bubble when he found out I didn't leave upon finding out.<P>lWb, How did she get me to quit my job? Well, she convinced me that she was finally over the OM and we were on the road to a better marriage. So we had decided to start from scratch. I'd quit my job and go back to school (my job causes me to travel) and get a degree in a different field so I could get a job that would keep me local. She in turn would get a full time job that paid enough to cover bills. We paid off all our debts and the only thing left was to sell the house. I put in my 2 week notice, much to the dislike of my manager (I'm a God where I work... ) and put the house on the market. 3 days prior to my last day I get a phone call from her claiming that she decided not to join our son and I as we moved to a new state. She was gonna live with her parents. This is how I found out she was pregnant by the OM. Over the phone and 600 miles from home! I was on a Southbound plane within an hour! Anyhow, after deciding to stay together till we figure out what to do (I hate making rash decisions) I ate some hummble pie and asked for my old job back.....that's where I'm at right now, they were more than glad to have me stay.<P>Ginn7777, Ummmm, how can I put this??? I'm not a real religious person, for numerous reasons, to many to list here. She, on the other hand is and always was an extremely religious person. That's what bothers me the most about what she did. While her affair was going on, I knew that if I ever had her swear on the Bible, I'd know the truth. I couldn't bring myself to do that cuz I just didn't want to know. But one day it boiled up and I did just that...guess what, she swore her soul to the Devil on the Bible if she lied about ever sleeping with OM. She lied! So from that point I haven't been able to trust her as much. If she had done that to me, I never would have been able to so I wonder just how strong her beliefs actually are. As it stands right now, she has made the church her second home (her primary home on Sundays) and she uses it as a shield,claiming God let her cheat in order for her to learn a lesson. This I never bought. She claimed that about a year ago. Now she states her relationship with God is more important then with me and our family. In my eyes she's a major religious hypocrite and that's something I just can't tolerate in her or anybody. The religion issue is a major thorn in our relationship. Problem is she doesn't follow her beliefs whereas I follow mine and yet she claims to be "higher" in religion than I. She refuses to accept my way of practicing religion, only hers is the "right way".<P>Hope that clarifies things.<P>Wow, did that post get long or what?<BR>My fingers need a vacation!..

Blues, my friend, glad to see you haven't left on vacation yet. Sorry about the date last night maybe tonight will be better. You know I want what is best for your family, I just don't want to see you get hurt anymore. I think she has you chasing your tail right now. My H used to dangle a carrot in front of me, and like a fool I would go towards it, and then hit hit me with it. But as I'm living proof, we made it. Let me know how things go on your date, and good luck Oh by the way, I saw you answered Annie's post, I was impressed with how nice you were.....wish I could be.

Glad,<P>Well we had our "date" lastnight. She took me out to a resturant of her choice, had us sit where we could see a TV and had the waiter but on ESPN so I could watch my favorite football team put a hurtin on the Dallas Cowpokes... Granted it's pre-season and the game didn't mean a thing, but she didn't know that, she only knew the Patriots were playing on ESPN and she knew I'd like to see the game. Got to give her credit for that. But at the same time, for most of the meal she sat and read a magazine! I even mentioned it a few times, explained I'd rather converse with her than watch the game...she shrugged it off and kept reading. As soon as she scores a point, her own penalty takes it away.. So I watched the game and entertained our son. By the time we got out of there it was already 10:30 and our son was a bit tired so we went home, put him to bed and decided to lay on the floor and watch a movie and maybe talk a little. Sorry to say it didn't go that way. She offered to give me a back rub since I gave her one the other night that lasted a good 3+ hrs! (OK, it was a complete body rub but 3+hrs none-the-less). Problem was, she laid down next to me and fell asleep in a matter of 5 minutes! The reason why I explain this is this is basically how it's always been during our marriage, especially sex. She'll drop hints that a blind man could see and then within a moments notice just as we are about to get into the moment, she says she's not in the mood but if I need it that bad to just go ahead! She slept for about 30 mins while I watched the end of the game (no, the game was not on while she was awake). I woke her and we went to bed. When she came to bed she turned to me and said "I know you expect it so lets just do it before I fall asleep again" Real romantic huh? I told her "absolutely not, *just doing it* doesn't get me in the mood!" and I turned over and went to sleep. Needless to say it was a slap in her face, but I doubt she got the message. I am soooo ready to give it all up and file papers. I don't have any more hope or ambition to deal with this anymore. I'd like to be there for her during her pregnancy because I don't think she should do it alone, but at the same time I don't think I can deal with her having the OM's child. I don't even know how to bring it up to her now. With all the times I've redrawn the line in the sand for her I feel if I say it's time to get a divorce, she blow it off. I also feel I'd have to get a bit "mean" in order to get the ball rolling and get it done with. I don't want to do this, but if I don't, she won't accept it. Do you understand that? I'd also like that if and when we went ourt seperate ways that maybe just maybe she'll wake up and grow up, change her ways and maybe we could start "dating" again and get back together. Who knows? Maybe once the childs here I can accept it but right now I know I can't handle it. I need to get out.<P>You also say you saw my post to Annie, you thought I was nice to her? I thought I was a bit rough on her. Yeah, I'll admit her post really pissed me off with her attitude of being the "wronged" one. She needs to realize just what she's feeling is only a very small fraction of the hurt she's put on the other spouses. Just another example of people not being able to point the finger at themselves and always blaming someone else. Ok, I'll get off my soapbox now.... <BR>Nice view from up there too.<P>P.S., you seem to be a very understandable persona and think the same way I do.....do you happen to have a single sister who might be interested in a way-to-nice-for-his-own-good-needs-to-file-for-divorce-yet-type guy?....

jendan69--Marisa Tomei is also the waitress/love interest in Untamed Heart.<P>Blues--sounds to me like your wife plans on sticking around. What a horrible tangle she's made for you both. <P>Is she still in contact with OM?<P>If you decide to dig in and make the marriage work, the immediate problem is you accepting the child. I don't understand why she allowed herself to get pregnant, but she did. I can hear how difficult this is for you to accept--you mentioned her "showing" now, a constant reminder that another man has changed her body. I wonder if you may be thinking about the OM more than she is at this point? (Understandable, but I mention just to put a different perspective on it.)<P>Your wife is making comments to gauge your reactions. For example, she asks if your vacation will be just you...or w/family. <P>You are hurting, and angry, right now. I wish you would reconsider divorcing at this point...because...your next comment was wishing she would change and you could date her. This IS something to save there, you DO care. Look for ways to make it work short of filing for divorce while you both work through all of your feelings. <P>By the way, she's pregnant (uh-huh, I'm stating the obvious, are you rolling your eyes?). She's tired. She was ready in spirit to give you that back rub. Her body didn't cooperate. So how about being nice about it, teasing even...while you show your considerate side..."yes, dear, you pooped out on me. I do understand. and I DO intend to collect since it was such a lovely idea." I know it probably seemed quite callous when she offered later to be a non-participating body for you, but I think she meant it nicely in consideration of your needs. Again, willing in spirit but she's tired and maybe a little withdrawn too, thinking you're definitely going to leave her after the paternity test results come back.<P>She seems to be trying too, in her own way. Taking you to a restaurant and the football game is on. Don't you see? It's communication, or the lack thereof. She thought that was a way to please you.<P>Is she a good mother to your son? Did she get excited with her first pregnancy, shopping for baby clothes, etc.? I would suggest you force yourself right now (and I know, it will be a supreme effort under the circumstances) to get excited with her this time. Maybe start talking about the baby's arrival--ideas for the nursery, take her shopping for maternity clothes or a little something for the baby. It would make her feel more secure AND start the healing process for YOU in accepting this child NOT as the OM's, but as YOURS. We all know being a daddy isn't necessarily about fathering a child, in principle. <P>I know YOU know the baby is an innocent in its own creation. And I also know your acceptance is a hard road to travel. Congrats on still being there now! You're obviously a remarkable man. Don't worry about venting your feelings here. I would imagine that's all a part of the process.<P>Counseling would be a great idea right now. Best wishes.<P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<BR>

Wow, Lucks wrote a really good reply to you. I think for me anyway it was always the unknown.....not knowing if H was staying or leaving, not knowing how on earth I would raise two children as a single parent. The "limbo state" just about put me in the hospital (no lying). I do think she can't decide what she wants, but leading you on is so unfair. I'm glad you guys went out, at least she wanted to go. I wish I had better advise for you, but just take one day at a time. I used to have to take one hour at a time myself.