I never visited this site until tonight as i never has a reason to. Today i find out my wife of 14 years and 4 children is having an affair for the last 4 months. I had friends give me warning signs and I confronted her about them. she always had the right answers and i was checking her phone and never found any text. There has been no connecting with her since Christmas, but it was blamed on depression, which she has, and trouble with siblings, which she has. She is on medication for the depression. Today i had enough and she admitted to the affair. He would pick the his kids up at school at the same time as my wife, which led to texting and you know. she was good about deleting the text.

I am so lost right now. I have not read much on this site as i am not much of a reader. She is elsewhere tonite, claiming she is in a hotel room by herself to workthings out. I know she is alone right now as the OM is out of town till way late tonight.

I do not want to crush my 2,4,6,8 year old kids and neather does she.

Please help me.

Hi lostman, welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry you are here. I assure you that your wife is not in a hotel room alone tonight. Just go there and see for yourself.


If she didn't want to harm your kids, she wouldn't be having an affair. Please check out the infidelity links and get ahold of the book Surviving an Affair. How to Survive Infidelity

Thats what i told her. She has no reasons other than she was unhappy. I told her that is what talking is for. This guy is showering her with flattery, which i have always done. He is Italian and good looking. He is also divorcing his second wife with whome he cheated with on his first wife. She says she loves him and im saying wtf! He will do it again.

I say go to that hotel tonight and expose! Expose like mad! I guaran-damn-tee you that his car and her car is there!

Go, take photos and keep them. I would also contact the man's second wife, who is STILL his wife and make sure he is exposed. Plan an exposure target list.

And yes, if she were worried about how all of this will affect the kids, then she shouldn't be sleeping around with somebody other than you, her H and the father of those kids she says she loves so much.

Read the carrot and stick of plan A and do a plan A! Gather up an exposure list and when you're ready, expose it like mad! Find out as much about this schmuck that you can and wayload on him and his friends and family. They need to know he's delivering more than good Italian pasta or pizza to a married woman and mother of young children.

And seriously...WHO goes to a hotel on a weekend night to contemplate life or a relationship? Either you're there on a vacation with your spouse, or you're at a no tell motel with a seriously skanky ow or with a man-ho.

Get ready to expose this man-gina to hell and back! You can beat this and save your family. Your wife is what is called a wayward right now, and if it is comfort to you, when they are in the wayward state, nothing is normal, and their most basic thinking is skewed, and they're literally almost out of their minds. You can recover your marriage, but it takes bravery and a plan.

You are here b/c you are brave..and guess what? MB has a plan for you!

Thanks for your encouragement. I uncovered a plot for her to pick him up at the airport tonight at 2AM. It was supposed to be one of her friends. But i took her cell phone, contacted the provider and got all of the records and know whats going on. I was harsh on her when she left with a friend to see someone in the hospital and she said she was probably not coming home tonight.(Icalled the friends to check) I suspect that he will end up there, but she said that she would respect my wishes and wont. Its hard to get 4 kids in a pickup at 3 in the morning and go hotel hopping looking for our family car when it could be in any local town. I cant sleep, and my stomachs turning. I already confronted the man by her cell phone telling him thanks for ruining my life. Ive known him longer than her and told him he could of had respect for me and my boys not pursued her.

Exposure is on my mind although it is going to hurt me as much as anyone. Its hard for me to be thought of as the one who was cheated on. I didnt deserve this and i have no one to talk to.

Well ive been up allnight and cant stand this crap anymore. I took her cell phone, that was probably a bad move. No way to get ahold of her and i'm pretty messed up in the head right now.

Okay, damage (to you!) control is in order now. Little Mrs. Round-Heels is going to do what she's going to do right now, and privately agonizing over it is non-productive.

Soooooo.......first we deal with animal needs

Eat breakfast, including two large glasses of water
Feed the kids, pets, whatever
Shower, shave

Now, inventory

What hard evidence do you have? Save all of it where she can't destroy it.
Think of every person in LMRH's life whose opinion she has ever trusted/valued - parents, siblings, girlfriends, clergy, kids' teachers and school personnel, social groups. Put together the list of e-addresses and phone numbers.
Make a similar list for the OM, including employer, etc.
Write down EVERY joint financial account - checking, savings, credit cards, etc.

Next: weapons acquisition -

Go out - THIS MORNING! - and buy a GPS tracker, and one or two VAR's and a personal mini-recorder.
Online, find a good keylogger program for whatever computer she uses.
(You took her cell, so getting Flexispy isn't immediately critical; it may be later.)


Do these things and come back. This is just the beginning.

All the first is done. I cannot stomach even water. It is not whether or not she is doing it, she is. She has admitted it, I have found the heart wrencing text on the phone. she told me they have been having sex and i have 4 wonderful little boys on my lap that are nieve to the whole thing.

I dont think there is any need for the tracker and she told me she would be home by noon. I told her before she left last night that she needs to decide what was most important, keeping this family together or having her joy ride. that is when she said she had to have time to herself to think. Ya, he probably showed up to the hotel. He is getting divorced anyway so i dont know how telling his lady will do anything. I think she already knows anyway. I really dont think his family will care as they are all mafia anyways. I do have her cell phone card(hers was deystroyed with a hammer while she watched) that has all of her contacts. I could really ruin her life right now, but i dont want her to run back to him in anger yet.

By the way thanks for the reply

I also have like six different threads up i want her to read. This site is full of good info.

While she is wayward, you DON'T want to give up your place of support. Please say you haven't told her about MB or that you're posting here.

You're thinking like a decent, moral human being right now! STOP IT!



And she frickin's told you what she wants! Wise up, Lostman101 (Good name, btw, for your condition and mindset.) She found a similarly disgusting piece of human refuse to scratch her itch better (in her foggy mind) than you could.

DO NOT EVER REASON OR BARGAIN WITH A WW GETTING SHAGGED AT HER CONVENIENCE, AND GIVING YOU THE "I NEED TIME TO THINK" BS.



Let me guess, WW is the one that told you a)he's getting divorced, b)his wife won't care, c)his family are all immoral animals. You believed all that? From her mouth? After where it had just been? Even if she believes this nonsense, he was most likely lying to her.


You won't be ruining her life; she's doing a FINE job of that without your help. You don't get it. SHE IS NO LONGER THE WOMAN YOU ONCE LOVED. She is a thrill-seeking, primal-need scratching, skank, giving it away to a moral troglodyte. It may not be possible to return her to an approximation of what she once was, but being the "Yes, dear, whatever you want dear, going out to get screwed again dear?, I'll be here tending to the children dear" doormat is CERTAINLY the way to make sure she never returns.

***EDIT***

NONONO - please do not introduce this website to your WW!!! It would be your biggest mistake. Do not give away your battle plan.

You cannot educate a wayward, it's useless!

Who told you that OM is divorcing - your WW? That is most probably a lie. And if it isn't, his wife needs to know. Be assured, she does not have a clue and you are the only one who can give her accurate information about her life.

You need to expose.

Thanks all. I do believe they are getting divorced and he is a dirtbag of a human. He has already cheated on the current wife once.

I don't think i will tell her i am posting, but there are a few good things she needs to read. I will man up when i need to, but there are kids involved. Life sucks right now thats for damn sure.

She told me she appologized to the other woman for texting her husband, but not sure if she knows all. She will before long i assure you.

"Getting divorced" means he is married. You should expose her affair TODAY to the OM's wife, the OM's family and facebook friends, and all you and your wife's family and friends. If you can gather all the contact info and make up a list of exposure targets, we can help you with talking points and sample letters.


No, she doesn't need to read anything. Don't show her anything. Would you give a falling down drunk something to read? Or would you do everything in your power to get her off the road? Lets be rational here.


Make up a list of exposures and do them all on the same day. Ask her family members to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. When she comes home in a fury over your exposures, then you DEMAND that she stop catting around like an alley cat in heat and make dramatic changes in her life or this is going to divorce.

Hi lostman, and welcome.

You do know where OM is tonight, correct? Women don't leave their children and go to hotel rooms alone to 'work things out.'

If you got this info from your WW don't believe a word of it. Most adulterers tell their affair partner that they're getting divorced - it justifies the infidelity in their minds.

You need to look for a second cell phone. I assure you that you will find one. It is their means of contact.

You have to understand, Lost: the fact that there are children involved is exactly WHY you need to come out swinging! I suspect that his BW has no clue that she's getting divorced. When you talk with her, don't be surprised if she is clueless about her WH's A with your WW.

Don't show her anything on this site! You cannot educate a wayward. There will be NO lightbulb moment for her right now. And she may well see things that will undermine your efforts to kill her A. Please tell us you haven't shown her this site!

Lostman, welcome to MB, I'm sorry you're here. I came across this site 3 1/2 weeks ago, and I was in the same state of mind that you are. You have just been strapped into a roller coaster ride that, for you, will have no end in sight. The best thing you can do is to keep you head up and eyes open for the dips and turns ahead.

There are a lot of good people here that have some great advice. Educate yourself, as best you can, and make informed, thought out, decisions. As I said, I'm new here, and still on the ride myself. I'm no expert, and I can only pass on knowledge from my 25 days of experience.

As for your WW. She is lost in her own world right now. She will continue to see him and she will continue to have sex with him. My WW didn't consummate the affair until 3 days after I confronted her. Your WW is confused, angry, embarrassed, ashamed, and doesn't know which way is up. My WW's sister told her she was in a $hit storm, and couldn't see her way out of it. You will need to snap her out of it. You need to reach in there and grab her out. You will have to expose the affair. Gather your evidence and watch her like a hawk.

Get a key logger for the computer. Put flexi-spy on her cell phone. Keep track of everywhere she goes. Keep records on everything so you can cross reference later. If you can clone her email, do that too. It sucks, but you will spend a long time watching her.

As ML said, go get Surviving An Affair. Get it today. You can buy it from Amazon in the Kindle version and put the app on your PC. I did that, and recently got a hard copy for my wife.

Again, I'm sorry you're here. It'll be a long ride, but you will get through this. Keep this one thing in mind that I've had difficulty dealing with; if you're going to save your marriage, you're going to be putting all of your effort into your WW. Now is not the time to focus on your hurt and anger. Get your WW out of her fog, show her what's important in life, and show her that she can be happy again.

Good luck.

Thanks JohnW. I have not exposed her to this site. she is not back from her night out. She should be home soon and i will have a talk first. I feel i need to do that before anything else.