Last year, in November, xWH tried to contact me. We have been separated for three years and subsequently divorced. We are divorced four years now.

We have completely no contact after the divorce. He has my old phone number which I hardly use, the phone number is rarely switched on. I have moved on to another job, so he can't call me at my old office either. I did see the missed calls but since he did not leave a message, I did not return his calls. He called my brother and our divorce lawyer too, saying that he is desperately trying to reach me. Finally, he sent me a text in Dec saying he has had two heart attacks and wanted to ensure that he returns his portion of our shared property, an agreement in the divorce that he never fulfilled.

Of course I was very surprised and I must confess I did not believe the heart attack bit for one second. In fact, I was amused at his ever present penchant for using drama to get his way. I called the lawyer and she says that he asked a lot about me, why am I cruel to not pick up his calls (I told her my phone has not been functioning since september). He is now offering to pay for the paperwork and lawyer fees needed for the transfer. And she did ask if I would consider getting back with him now that his money problems are over (she forgot the cheating/affair part). I politely said no. But I was also very very suspicious as to why he wanted to return his half of the property to me so suddenly and so urgently. I have always been the one doing the chasing and reminding, so this is very odd indeed, especially when it is something that involves money. He has always been tightfisted and careless with money. He hid monies that belonged to us and when he left the marriage, he was heavily indebted.. banks were chasing him for payments every weekend and he was notorious for bounced cheques. The only money that he forked out without being asked is for the divorce papers.

I did pick up one of his calls in December but I was on my way to a meeting so I said I will call him later. The short exchange from him was tersed, tensed and formal. That is not his style at all.. he has always been good at disguising his voice, expressions, body language, he's very skilled at lying. I supposed it is the level of difficulty he faced in trying to contact me. But when I spoke to the lawyer, she said he is cheerful, positive and happy. She didn't mention 'heart attack' and I didn't ask.

It is now February and I finally got all the paperwork together for the lawyer. I called her and again got reprimanded for not taking this seriously as my ex "has been chasing" her daily to get the property transfered back to me.

Eh, I am just curious, what's the urgency? X would never do anything that's without a gain to him. After 7 years, why should he care? If I want the property, I should go chase him for it. Here are my assumptions:

1) God smacked him in the head and gave him a revelation of sorts
2) His mum passed away and her dying wish was to see this settled (unlikely). He inherited some money from her passing away (likely) and can now 'afford' to return the property to me (unlikely that he would do it without being pressured, am sure a nice new sporty car for him would be a better option)
3) He is getting remarried and I still have his copy of our marriage certificate which he must use to register our divorce. He wants to close this chapter and hopefully get back the marriage certificate so he can be registered as a divorcee... but he can also legally declare our marriage certificate lost!
4) He had a personality/brain transplant

Maybe he really did have 2 heart attacks and had a meeting with God? Stranger things have happened. :-)

Some people change some don't.

My age and declining income has changed me in some ways.

And what way would that be?

Regret opportunities lost.

Who cares, take your money and move on. Don't let him live in your head.

Not sure of what the property involves but could it be he has leveraged some how and now wants to transfer it to you......

Could be he is in trouble financially, may be heading for bankruptcy and sees he will loose the property, but could transfer it to you since you are legally entitled to it anyway...... bless his heart he would rather you have it than a bank.

I think your wise to be cautious

I would have a title search done making sure there are no leans on the property and title insurance might be wise as well.

Still, do you mean 'loans' on the property? The mortgage has been paid off, by me, of which xWH has no knowledge.

Have had paperwork sent to the lawyer last week and X will sign this week. This is the last thing that ties us both legally.

Lien was what I was trying to spell,

If the property has been in his name as well he might have been able to borrow money against it with a new loan that you are unaware of. That loan would be secured by the property and would be a "lien" against it.

None of that may have happened, I just think to cover yourself I would do a proper title search and lay that fear to rest

Thanks Still.

I was out to dinner with a mutual friend last night. Our conversation touched a little about ex as mutual friend and ex path crossed for a short while last year. Mutual friend says ex seems to be doing well and likely to have a girlfriend.

It is no surprise to me, but it hurt. What surprised me is the hurt, still, after all these years.

Oh,
I didn't want to hear that, I guess I know my WW will always be part of me, but I was sure hoping that the pain would be totally out of it by the time I'm in your shoes, just a distant afterthought.

I hope it didn't hurt to bad, or that it will take you to long to recover, I guess will all face some of that for the rest of our lives.

Hang in there!!!!


Maybe getting the property in your name will help you feel better........

And if there are memories tied to it I would sale it and move on. No need to have reminders that you don't have to.

I was at the lawyer's office today. We chatted about lots of things, she asked how I was doing. I said it has been stressful the last two years but didn't give any details.

We came to the subject of the divorce. Although we are legally divorced for four years, the divorce is not registered yet. I asked if I could send a representative to the registration office as I got lost the last time I went there... never found the place. She said I should discuss with xWH, either one of us could go. I said I prefer not to talk to him. She asked if I can't be friends with him. I said no, he caused too much hurt. Then she said that he did realize it, and that is why he is trying to complete the transfer of property back to me.

Tears came to my eyes in her office and I left.

Gaaaaaarrrrggggh... why why why am I not over this yet?!!

For sure I will not want to be with this man again, yet I still hurt. I don't understand it.

You love the man you married.

You hate the man the was a WH.

Perfectly normal.

I think that even when they do apologized and are remorseful and say the I'm sorry, it all comes back to that point in time when the way wards were at their worst and you knew as a betrayed spouse that at that moment you didn't matter to them at all.

That makes two of us.

If what the lawyer said was true, I guess it would make me feel a little better if there was a little remorse for hurting you the way he did.

Yes, it felt better when the lawyer told me, but only for a moment. I had my doubts after that.

I have been manipulated too many times by sweet, kind words that have no sincerity. My head knows and recognizes it now, but my heart still doesn't understand why. He's a good salesman, that I can say.

Anyhow, I rarely think of him these days, I have too many things going on in my present life. I would like to ask some oldbies here whether this would ever go away, even if I remarried. Do people move on completely? Will I always be affected by this? Will I be able to always step back and judge situations non-emotionally?

Understand. I've lived that too.




I haven't been divorced from my present husband yet, so I can't answer this, but I am curious for other's responses.

I just hope it's 'out of sight, out of mind', which worked over the years.

I plan to leave all the furniture behind, including 'our' bed. But what about the wedding photos, I still got them somewhere.