My husband of 24 years totally walked out of my life and the life of our 16 year old son. We came home one evening to find his credit cards, check book and cell phone on the kitchen counter. He basically left with the clothes on his back. We frantically called friends and relatives looking for him, but no body knew where he was. It wasn't until 5 days later that he contacted S via text message.

I really thought we had a good marriage. We spent alot of time together...enjoyed the same hobbys, went to our son's athletic events. We even had a "date night" a few times a month. He called me and emailed me daily at work. Many times he called at noon so we could meet to have lunch together. NEVER did I suspect that he was unhappy. I will say that for the last few months prior to leaving he was extremely irritable..constantly snapping at me and S. I actually think that my S has found some peace in him being gone.

After he left I checked into his cell phone usuage and found that he was texting a woman. This woman lives about 1.5 hours from our home, has a few children from 2 marriages and has been divorced at least twice.

My husband has been gone now for 8 months. He will not have any contact with me. I have tried to call, email, text and I get no response. I am only assuming he lives with the OW because he will not tell anyone where he stays. In the eight months he has been gone, he has only texted our son. No face or voice contact. If my son texts him a "hard" question, he will not respond. He keeps telling my son that he doesn't have a girl friend.

This man was my very best friend in the whole world. It's like he's changed so quickly and doesn't want anything to do with me at all. The last thing I want is to lose him but he's been gone so long I don't think there is hope.

Welcome to MB Elle, so sorry for what has happened to you. How did you find MB? It's the BEST place you can be right now. Lots of folks here who have walked in your shoes.

Are you interested in trying to save your marriage? If you are, the first thing I would do is try and find out who this OW is and then begin gathering evidence that there actually is an affair going on. Once you find that evidence, then you'll need to start thinking about exposing, if you haven't already done so.

Is your WH supporting you and your son financially?

Second this you should do is start reading all the articles on this website relating to suriving an affair, and buy the book "Surviving An Affair". It is the Bible for helping you get through this.

I have been scouring the internet for sights that might be able to explain or to help me understand what is going on with my husband and I came across MB.

I do want to save my marriage...I still love him even after everything that has happened..but I know that it won't be easy. I truly think that he has no feelings for me at all.

I believe the OW is not married right now. He denies he's having an affair to our son and his friends. I believe that he found her on the internet and basically only knew her for a short time before he ran off with her. It would have been really hard for him to have had much phyical contact with her prior to leaving because he spent almost all of his free time with our family. I do tell all of my friend and relatives that I believe he is with her but he continues to lie about it.

He does transer money to an account for me and my son so we are ok financially.

Can you afford a PI to figure out whats going on, and whether he is living with her?

Does he visit your son? Spend any time with him?

Hi ellegirl, Welcome to Marriage Builders. Sorry you are here.

The first thing I would do is find out what he is doing. You can do that several ways. Hiring a PI is one. The other way is to do a check on the phone # you have, find the OW's address and go to her house.

Find out who she is and where he is FIRST and then we will help you with next steps. Go over to the Operation Investigate forum and you will find lots of resources.

If you have a phone # for the OW, try doing a reverse look up in whitepages.com. If that doesn't work, you can pay a small fee to intelius.com. If that doesn't work, then hire a PI and for a couple of hundred dollars they can usually trace the #.

What about his work? Could you put a GPS in his car at work and find out that way?

I don't think I can afford to hire a PI.

My son does not spend any time with his dad. H will only text him...no phone contact or physical contact with him. I'm guessing that's because he's a coward and can't handle any questions from my son.

I do have a name and address for the person he was texting from old phone records. And by google I know that she has been divorced at least twice and has a couple of kids. One is a daughter who is 12 and one 19.

I would drive on over there tonight and pay her a little visit when you know your H is off work. Take your camera with you and snap photos of his car in her drive way.

Does she have a facebook page?

I think she had a FB page...possibly where she met my H. They both don't have one now.

Either that or they've both blocked you. If that's the case, then you wouldn't be able to see anything about either one of them. Does your son have a FB page? Can he check and see if his dad still has one?

I agree with PrincessMeggy. Make up a new facebook page for yourself and see if you can see them then. If so, copy and paste all their facebook friends into a WORD doc.

I just have one other comment that kind of baffles me. I know so many single people struggling to meet the right person. They go on lots of dates looking to meet someone and it is so hard. It is just so ironic to me how all these married people can instantly find "the one" to throw everything away for. My H will lose his wife, his son, my family, his family, friends, his stuff, his house....for someone he met on the internet. Wow.

Yep. It's crazy, isn't it.

ellegirl, an acquaintance of mine was in the same sitch as you. Her H met someone online and moved her from another state so they could shack up here. It lasted for 15 months. The 'great romance' died, he sent her back home on the bus and then moved back home.

So don't think there's no hope, because there is.

Agree with MaritalBliss. In fact, the OW may not even know he is married, Elle. That might be why he is so secretive. You should visit the OW and get this all out in the open. Once you finish up there, I would expose the affair everywhere: to your family, his family, the OW's family. The whole shot.

That will ruin the fantasy and cause great conflict in the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so exposure will hasten its death.

Yep. And that's probably the reason why he won't let you know where he is; he doesn't want you to be in contact with OW - she probably thinks he's a bachelor.

You need to pay her a visit.

I tried the new FB name...she does come up but all her information is private.

Actually, my son has her phone number. He has tried to contact her but she will not respond. He told her "thanks for ruining my life and I hate you". She also has me blocked from FB. So I am guessing she knows that her new boyfriend is married with a child.

But she's heard nothing from you, correct? It sounds like you basically let her show up and take your H without one shot being fired. (I'm not being mean, elle, but that's how it sounds.)The girl I knew in the same sitch did much the same. It wasn't until she and their kids began strongly inserting themselves into the A that the A collapsed.

You need to create some havoc in their little fantasy world. You need to become a reality in that fantasy. This woman's boyfriend IS MARRIED. She needs to have that fact driven home.

You and son can go pay her a little visit.