It is all because of this site. Her attitude kills me and she still has no remorse. But she realizes that what she had with him is a made up fantasy world without worries and it was all false. She has a long ways to go and has admitted that she is at fault for everything to her friends. I feel as if she may never love me the way she used to, but this is still very early and is just as HTLD said it would be. Thanks you so much. I just hope that i can remain strong. Her Girlfriends that were here today are extremely impressed with how strong im being and tell her how lucky she is at the moment.

Keep us posted, and we will help you to stay strong brother.

This can be something that can pull you together and make your marriage stronger, and she could even love you more because of the strength you have shown.

Yes it is early yet, and it will take time for her to process her guilt, until she decides to fight the foolishness of her actions, and understand her emotions.

Yes she is lucky, as you are also, to have a real live flesh and blood woman with emotional needs you can fill, instead of a cold and calculating one with a major personality disorder.

It might take time for her to see how what you and her freinds are doing are saving her from herself, and her children, but your stand for your marriage will be what she leans upon in the end.

The remorse will come as she sees the damage she has done you, and with time and clarity that only she can realize with the truth.

Her friends were here tonite to hug on and listen, but they were not letting her off the hook. The had their share of stern lecturing and telling her she has messed up. They told her i have done all the right things and that she cannot be upset for anything ive done. She seemed a little responsive to their input. She has never lied to me in the past until this affair. I know it and she admitted this to her friends. She has developed a bad habit of lying and her friends called her out on it tonite in some of there conversations.

I have been strong, but i hope i can keep it up. Im affraid of how im going to feel in the future.

this night went wrong fast. I was talking to her and she was mad i made her try and end it on the phone and she wanted to do it face to face. I told this was the worst idea ever and that if she left never come back again. ever.

She said she will be back but has to put closure on this her own way. I texted the guy and said i know shes coming(meeting at Walmart) and to put an end to this for good. he said he planned to.

Im just about out of steam. I need encouragement here. She seemed more sincere to me than she has in a long time. At least she told me instead of trying to sneak around. I figured i better put this out there before i blow it off. This will either be good or bad. no inbetween.

Okay here is the deal. She went to tell him face to face with my knowledge that it has to end. She came home extremely pissy and said its over for her and him.
Okay i'm going to take her for granted here as i will be checking everything for future contacts. No reason to beat this issue like a dead horse anymore, I believe its over.

Here is what discourages me so much and i read earlier this is normal. She has no sexual desire for me, she has no remorse, Im a taddle tail and i went to far, shes mad at me, but she is going to stay for the kids and eventually try harder with me andshe does love me in a way since i am the father of our 4 kids.

Right now remember the kids are #1 for both of us and i want my marriage back and she is hurting cuz she lost her prize, her love. What are the chances of her coming around. Its been said, but encourage me there is hope. She needs time to heal her wounds from leaving him and she was exposed only yesterday. Can a 4 month affair overcome a 14 year marriage? i have done all i should at the moment and i need to here that she will start to come around. Our marriage had very few issues before she started hanging around the other guy more at the playground waiting for kids to get out of school since november last year

I think you made a big mistake in allowing her to go meet with OM for closure. We've seen this over and over again. My own FWH "had" to go meet with OW for "closure". Came back, said it was over, blah, blah, blah. Nope, not by a long shot.

I'm thinking that OM and your WW just strategized how to take this A darker and deeper. I hope I'm wrong.

Her withdrawal is typical. You can't expect an immediate show of remorse, etc. (for now). Watch her actions. What she says isn't as important as what she does. Most WS go through a period of withdrawal from their OP. Not fair, but it is what it is. Just stay viligant in watching for any contact.

Has she written a "no contact" letter to OM? I know you said she went in person (bad move) but she also needs to write the letter. This is just as much for you as it is to send a clear message to OM that it is over.

(((LM)))

Lostman,

This is bad. Dr. Harley talks about how people in affairs always want to "end it in person". But really, they just want to see each other again and tell each other how wonderful they are and how much in love they are. Dr. Harly talks about someone who took their affair partner on a cruise in order to end the affair. Crazy, right?

Ending it in person is just another "fix" of the affair. The right way to end it is by letter, hand-written by W and you together, and you mail it certified mail. There is a sample letter in the book, "Surviving an Affair". Have you read that book yet? Need to get it ASAP.

My H pulled this same kind of garbage with me. He refused to write a NC letter and then when he left his work (affair was with a co-worker), OW asked to speak to him and they went outside to end it face to face. Know what happened???? They talked about how much they loved each other. H lied to me about it for more than a year.

And how do you react when your wife is telling you she is off to see another man? It is not ok to just accept this.

AM

I was livid about this whole deal believe me(i knew it was the wrong move). She was going to end it with him like this no matter what i said or did and she said im being honest and telling you rather than behind your back. What do you do? They came to an aggreement of no contact even if one tried the other would not. My wife has had a stroke of honesty with me today and I feel as if she is actually reluctantly trying. She said there was no contact and no words of love exchanged. I asked her not to and she told me she respected those demands. I beat this like a dead horse forever last night. It is what it is and im calling it over. It may be a mistake, but i have to keep moving forward here.

You may call it over all you want, but it isn't. The probability is that the affair just went underground. Get your snooping hardware ready.

And the honesty with you today isn't. At this point, your wife is wanting to keep both you and the OM.

To really see if she ended it, ask her to WRITE an NC letter and see what response you get. Anything pushback at all on this will give you your answer.

AM

This A is still on, lost. Do you have your snooping tools working? This OM would not have bothered to meet your WW 'for closure' if she was just a piece of tail to him. There is more going on here.

Have you asked your WW to write a NC letter?

this might funny to ask but what good is a nc letter?

This is written by your WW to the OM in part as an act of caring and protection for YOU. The main reason I am suggesting it at this point is to see if she will agree to write one. I suspect the A is still on and she will refuse.

Make sure you've got all of your snooping gear in place. Do you have access to her cell phone records?

i took her old phone and her new one away she bought this weekend. I have suggested that if she wants one we can both get new ones that we can both enjoy and i or we can monitor i will suggest the letter and see what happens.

Hi Lonely
I feel so bad for you that this has happened. It is happening to me now too; but my hubby has more of an online addiciton to talking and meeting strange women for lapdances,m sex, Bj I do nto know. But i think he developed the habit before we got married 2yrs ago but kept it hush hush. My hubby is very distant with me. Was your wife like that with you too? It scares me a lot and feels so lonely when your spouse is to be your best friend in the world but has other concerns. Before you discard the marriage see if she is depressed or bored and give her one more time to fix the situation.

You must be strong for your children. Pray to God, and talk to friends-this will help.

SableVenus

she could have gotten a new phone at walmart or from him at the meeting......

you need to start listening to the people here advising you....start reading up on the spying techniques, i am afraid you are gonna need them.

LM101, in one, post I think most of us here can diagnose your problems, the ones that led to your wife's affair.

• You wife has little regard for honesty and a high degree of self-entitlement
• You have enabled her in these flaws by not following through on your announced sanctions

Let me point some things out to you-

• "she wanted to do it face to face.....has to put closure on this her own way."
• "I told this was the worst idea ever and that if she left never come back again."

The first two selections tell us that you, your marriage, her friends, and your family are WAAAAAYYY down on her list of items of importance. I'd list HER as number 1, and her OM as (currently) number 1A (you must know that he's there to boost her own self-esteem, hence firmly cementing herself as number 1).

You told her not to leave, or else! Big deal! She left. What "or else" were you considering enforcing/applying. There is a huge list of things that you could have done, some legal (list available upon request), some....not so much. But "Nothing" is what she knew she'd get from you, and "Nothing" is not only what you did, but what she knows you'll do in the future. Remember, doormats tend to remain on the floor.

(Not for nothing, but did you not even THINK of following her to this meeting, waiting until she got there, and barging in to claim your wife from OM directly?)

You have serious (LM101-supplied, and fixable) flaws in your defacto marital contract. Without fixing them, you'll soon be able to catalogue her OM's by date, last name, hairstyle.....

Awesome post by NeverGuessedo!

Lost, if you can swing it, I would put a GPS on her car ASAP because there will be other meet ups. GPS units

LM, you do not want to disregard the advice here. You do not want to tailor it or pick and choose what to do.

I did that. I thought I didn't need to expose because she quickly agreed to NC. Lasted 3 months. Now the A is more entrenched than before and I am looking at a far more difficult situation. Don't do what I did, I implore you.

To see what she'll do about it.

In my case, my WW agreed to a NC letter the same day as exposure. She had everyone on her tail about the affair and half-heartedly agreed.

She started into the withdrawal, but about a week later I noticed that she had seemingly started over in that. Sure enough, she had checked a secret email to "see how he was doing."

I got on the phone with her family (again) and we all jumped her butt (again). I was so ticked that I put it out for her--him or me. So another NC letter was done and this time mailed instead of email. You can tell when they're wanting to do the NC letter and, as my sig says, we're on take two with NC seen as of yet.

So, yes, get on the phone with all her family/friends and tell them that she has agreed to end the affair but you need them to keep the pressure on her.

And keep up with the snooping. Once she's over this clown, you'll start noticing a change. And if that change goes away suddenly, then you can bet there's been contact.

She'll try again. You just have to be ready with your response when she does.

Oh, and make sure that her phone does not have texting or internet capability.