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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 44
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 44 |
I am nearly certain that I read an example of a NC letter on this site--the forum or site itself? I can't find it now. Can someone tell me where I could read an example one?
Wife/BS (37) to H (37)
2 children, both 7 years old
Married 15 years
Affair of 3ish months, Disc. 2/20
NC letter to OW 2/22
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 20
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 20 |
Hi Sandra2,
This wasn't based on a template, but this is what my WW sent to the OM:
BH and I have been working really hard the last few days to decide whether it is worth fighting for our marriage. From my point of view it is, and although he is yet to make up him mind, I need to start my bit now or we will never get passed this. One of the main things we agree I need to do is draw a line under this and stop all communication with you. What we did physically was wrong, but so was all the texts and the flirting that surrounded it, so today I stop, today I draw the line. No more texts, emails, phone conversations, chatting at work. I love my husband, and want desperately to rebuild what I have destroyed. Contact with you is only going to make things more difficult, so I would ask that you respect my decision, my husband and my marriage and ensure that you do not make any further contact with me.
Hope that's helpful, as I say we couldn't find guidelines on what to say so I wouldn't use it until some of the forums vets have given their advice too!
BH - me, 28
WW - MrsBHunt, 24
Married 11 months, together 6 years when A discovered
PA w/ co-worker
D-Day Feb 12 2011
Moved back in, giving it a chance
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
(OP), I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that (BS) did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay (BS) for the pain I have caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she's been missing and deserves. I love and care a great deal for my family and I will no longer do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely,
(WS)
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent [from SAA, pg 58] OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.
Sincerely, XXXXX
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Joined: Oct 2009
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Thanks, Mel - I forgot to credit that to Dr. H.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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