That Boo_Hoo crap of thinking of, "They deserve me to end it face to face", is evident of the deception they are living in. They still think what they did was somehow OK, and like the other posters said, they are still supporting each other in the relationship.

The NC letter serves another function, it is written proof that you can send certified to show he recieved it, and it is proof of the affair.

When the letter is written, and it explains the end with all the details laid out plainly for you to inspect, (Highly recommended you approve and send it for her or with her after sealed), you have also put a large crack in the notion of undieing love if there was one being played on by either of the two.

Think of the rebeliuos teenage girl, who sneaks around playing Romeo and Juliet, and claims.."Nobody understands our love!!", and you can get a glimpse into the mind of most WW.

You made an idle threat when you said don't come back. We understand of course, but it hurts your credibility.

If you are getting a phone for her, and you install spy tools, also highly recomended, still get a VAR, (Voice Activated Recorder) and put it in her Car, around house, etc. You can buy digital ones that are small at that Walmart. About $60 ea. She seems to have no problem buying her own phone and taking out the chip what is what I suspect happened and why the last one could only get 911. I don't believe the not activated story.

The GPS is a good idea also. Don't worry about the cost, an affair or a divorce will cost way more, and this is what you make money for in the first place right? To protect your family?

Remain in control here, you have been dealt a heavy blow, and time will be on your side if you act wisely, against you if you don't. Your marriage can be saved, and you are just at the beginning.

Whoa, so she has a cellphone where she says it didn't come with a SIM card and is only for dialing 911? Is she still using it?

When was the last time you bought a phone w/o a SIM card?

Who would? Well you can buy them on Ebay, but manufacturers have been cracking down on some phones.

I am just not ruling this out, and it seemed like BS when I heard it before. Address books are on the chips and info can be stored on removable drives also. Its a complex technology, but the layman could know enough to remove the simcard.

Yeah, guess I missed that when he posted it. If you pull the sim card, it's a 911-only phone but why would you just buy a phone for 911?

Unless she's being 1000% honest and has better character than we've seen from other waywards, but it just doesn't sound right.

Dunno, but my money would be on there being a sim card stashed somewhere.

Just wanted to put my own experience in here. The vets are totally right about not allowing a face to face meeting to end it. OM and I asked our spouses if we could meet one more time to clear the air (since we were still working together). It was the WORST idea ever. I am sure our spouses didn't want it to happen, but they were trying to be the nice guys and we walked all over them - showing complete lack of respect for them.

Our A went more underground before it blew up and the only reason it has stayed dead is because we never went back to talk "one last time". I felt bad about cutting OM off completely and not explaining myself, but I hope it had the effect of turning his feelings against me so it makes it easier for him to rebuild his broken marriage too.

So, I agree that you should be prepared to find something still going on.

Things are looking better. The meeting happened that is what she said she needed and i believe it is over and i have been watching all her moves and communication. Things have turned a bit better lately. After some serious prayer meetings with her friends she came home yesterday with a change. She was ready for brutal truth and ready for question and answer. I got what i asked for like it or not. She was still has no remorse but was making some progress. same friends over last night and the other man tried to call. She was showing some amazing strength about avoiding him at all cost. Today i took off work and got out a bit while she cleaned the house with the kids. made a few phone calls to her and reminded her that one slip on her part and she was on the street and i was prepared to do it. she understood. I get home and while im talking to her another message came from OM on the new cell phone. She was feeling a little down, but said she is choosing family. We had a few devotions and we prayed together many times. When we were done she said she feels some changing is happening inside! I get a text from her friend today and she told her friend that she really screwed things up. She told me she was going to call a good counselor tomorrow (by recommendation)and arrange a meeting.

She is out to play v-ball with girlfriends and she is now texting me with updates and asking me how im holding up and that she is doing pretty good right now.

It seems there may be some good coming out of this.

I have been prepairing myself for let down and today i was pretending to be the single man. I think i have scared her and she is coming to realize what she has done. She hasnt said it yet, but maybe she will come around.

Sounds like the up side of the rollercoaster. Lets pray it keeps going up and stays there.

Did I miss something? How did OM get the number of the new phone?

ya maybe. I got to thinking before she went to v-ball that there may be a change OM tries to show up. (Oh Great) I approached her and told her to park by friends and walk with them to and from car. She said Ok. Been texting her and boosting her strength and she said she was ready incase he did happen to show and that friends would be around.

I dont really think he will be there and neither does she, but she is showing some strength here.

I think its a really bad time for you to be apart. I would plan to do everything earthly possible together until contact is really ended. And I would put a stop to this contact from the OM.

She will eventually weaken in her resolve and see him as long as he is allowed to contact her. One way you can end this is to exchange phones for awhile and if he contacts her phone,
YOU respond with swift action and tell him to buzz off. If he won't stop, I would get a restraining order against him for harassment.

Whatever you do, I would put a stop to this NOW. She will give into the temptation soon enough if you don't. And don't go out without each other.

how did the OM get her cell phone #?

She went and got a go phone right after i smashed hers with a hammer. The next day i went through her purse and found it. She used it to contact him, it had one call in it for 5 minutes and thats it. she wasnt expecting me to look at it as she didnt expext me to snoop. I have been all over everything. this was like the day after the affair was exposed. i think. I have since took the phone as my own as an alternate phone for me to use instead of my work phone. I will now get to see if he tries anything with this # and i will keep that from her so she is not confused more.

Good thinking on the phone.

We got along without cellphones at one time - we can get along without them now.

i agree. You know this may have never happened it we didnt have them. It was to easy to be throwing comments at each other that would have never been said. damn phones.

Cell phones, e-mail, facebook, etc, etc..........

Human nature probably hasn't degraded that much over recent decades, but the potential for disaster in committing errors of judgement (boundaries, etc) is so .....immediate...... now, that it seems the technology is the cause, not the medium, of our misconduct.

Take a falling-down drunk, and put him in control of a sports car, and you have the recipe for a multiple homicide accident. Put that same drunk, years ago, in control of a donkey-cart, and all you'd have is a pair of jack@sses, one in harness, and the other holding the reins.

With each breakthrough, it seems mankind's darker impulses are quick to comprehend the violations that can be performed with the new toy, faster than our better selves devise protections against them. Pity.....

I agree with ML here and have been there, done that. This continued contact is just asking for trouble. Before long, she'll contact him just to see how he's doing and, wham, you're starting over.

Give this POS a call and tell him to get the f out of your lives...or go pay him a visit if you can avoid the temptation to beat the hell out of him. Take some friends/family with you...there's power in numbers.

Now getting yourself hauled off to the pokie won't help so don't do anything dumb, but this guy needs to know that there's going to be hell to pay if he doesn't stop this crap. Your wife isn't strong enough to do this or, it would seem, to resist any advances.

Bingo.

She was on facebook saturday night(which was not an issue, i kept up on it), and i told her to go ahead and delete the account as well. She gave a huff and did it. She has always told me in the past that she would delete as soon as i told her to. Its that damn cell phone.

Good job. Refresh my memory--did you get a keylogger on the computer?

Meant to ask if she deleted the Facebook account or just deactivated the page. There's a big difference: if it is just "deactivated" it can be reactivated by merely logging back on and confirming your password. It takes about 15 seconds to get everything back as if nothing ever happened.

In other words, it's not foolproof unless you can actually delete the page. I haven't tried it, but here's a link showing how to delete the account:

http://www.wikihow.com/Permanently-Delete-a-Facebook-Account

Food for thought. Do you know her password so that you could reactivate and then delete it? You'd need to do that because, if you log in to the FB within 14 days of deleting it, the deletion request is canceled.

Easy one, lost. Change the number.

Do you have a keylogger on the computer? I am concerned about this contact from OM. This just seems so...easy.