My husband has moved into an apartment and seems to be loving it. He says he likes not having the pressure of being around me right now. I don't know what to do? Do I wait on him or start getting on w/ my life? I need to get a job but don't know if I should just find something temporarily or permanent. He says he doesn't know how long he'll be gone or if he'll ever come back. He's not sure if we can work it out. We have two children so I would have to find child care for them also. I just don't know what to do .... I'm in limbo. I'm very depressed. Just hate myself and feel like scum. I know there were problems before my affair. He's gone all the time w/ his job. <P>Advice?<P>I am going to see a counselor tomorrow.

AnnR,<P>Talk to you H about the job situation. You need to know if he is going to continue to financially support you while out of the house, or not. If so, at what level? These situations are so scary for everybody. Having to add financial concerns and going back to work, with daycare issues, adds more to think about, but not impossible. <P>Once you know what financial level you can expect from H, you will feel better prepared to make decisions. Maybe you can talk to a trusted friend or relative who can help bounce ideas about careers/day care.<P>Going to the counselor is great.Hopefully he or she can give resources for career training and/or placement. Also, check the local library for resources. <P>This is a scary time for you. But, you have friends here. <P>Wishing you a better day...<P>Roll Me Away

Thanks Roll Me Away. He is going to help us out as much as he can but he will have rent ($800/mth) and his utilities and groceries so that's takes a huge chunk of what we are used to having. I'm trying to cut corners everywhere. I don't want to jostle the kids too much w/ all that's going on that's why I'm considering a pt job at nights and on the weekends so he could keep them while I work. He's not too keen on the idea. Not sure why ... <P>

Who knows...maybe he likes for things at home to stay the same, even if he prefers a change of scenery.<P>I think that about my H. He's off doing his own thing with OW, but I think he would really like it if I just stayed around the home after work, pining away for him (which I am, darn it!), and available whenever he felt like being around. That is how it has been for months. I am working (struggling!) on more self-care. This is VERY hard for me,because I generally give too much to everybody in my life.<P>You might want to focus on that. As I have said in other posts tonight, this is the BEST advice I have gotten from both my counselor and this forum. Without self-care, I can not be the kind of person my H would want to come back to. Without self-care, I can not be the kind of person I like and respect. Without self-care, my children might lose respect for me. Without self-care, I will not be strong enough if my H chooses to D me.<P>If you feel overwhelmed, try thinking just of the day - make it through the day. Thinking beyond that and having so much uncertainty sometimes can really get you down.<P>Try to be kind and gentle to yourself. I say nice things to myself every now and then. a simple thing, but heck,why not! We encourage each other, so why not encourage ourselves! We can make it! We can make it! We can make it! <P>You have friends here.<P>Wishing you a better day...<P>Roll Me Away<BR>

That is GREAT advice. Did you post something earlier about a book on being tough? What's the name of it? I was feeling selfish for wanting to take care of myself. I guess because what I did was so selfish and thoughtless. But, I have two children who need me and eventually I want to have a life again ... so you're right. <P>I hope your husband soon realizes how selfish he is being. It's hard when your in the middle of these things to think straight but when reality hits ... it hits hard. He'll be back. You might not be still waiting on him but he'll be back. Have you been watching that new show .. I think the name of it is Once Again .. or something. <P>

Can you give more information about the timing of everything (you might want to expand on what's in your profile). How long was the affair, when/how was it revealed, when did he move out? The one thing we have all learned is that these things take time. You want to fix everything right away, and that's great, but he does need some time to process everything.

Thanks Animac. I just updated my profile. The affair lasted about eight months. It is over and I can't even stand the other man. He is a liar and has lied through out this entire horrible time. My husband has known for about five weeks and moved out last weekend.