MelodyLane,

If you have a minute, a few of us are wanting to get your take on Andy's situation.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...flat&Number=2480923&#Post2480923

It sounds as though he is nearing a crossroads as his WW is out house hunting for herself while still living at home with him.

Without going back to check, can she afford a house on her own? Or is this just a fantasy (like the A) that she's pursuing?

I ask because my WxW would sit at the computer house hunting online, saving off half-million dollar home listings.

This was at the time she had no job, no money, a ruined credit rating, no car and no prospects for the future. At one time (before Dday and I didn't know she was having an A), I "strongly suggested" she be out job-hunting instead of "having lunch with her friends" (which we all know now wasn't "lunch with her friends").

Waywards are unfathomable abominations. Trying to make sense of their behavior is like trying to nail Jell-o to a tree.

I think she just started a new job and her mother is going to help out with the house. I haven't gathered whether $50,000 is the down payment or the cost of the house, but I understand that she isn't going to be using marital funds for the purchase.

So, no, I don't think it's a fantasy on her part. That's unfortunate for Andy.

Its no fantasy, I think she can do it. I put a message up for Melody which she should see when she logs on.

Hi all - I can clear some of this up. She's looking to buy a house outright for $50k - based on what we now know, that'll be the ceiling. She'll have trouble getting any mortgage due to employment and salary history.

Melody got frustrated with me a while back - and it was legit - no surprise there. While I always value her perspective, she may not respond and that's okay. I don't recall the exact reason, but I think she thought I was being too passive about exposure and my marriage in general. I hope that having roughly 70 emails/letters go out, would settle that score in my favor, but maybe not. I believe the A is dead in the water right now. Also, my WW is no longer going out; the job cut into that. However, Mel and others wanted me to kick her out, but I can't do that legally - and she knows that. So, I wasn't able to accomplish that.

I don't recall EVER telling you to "kick her out" and would like a link to such a post where I told you to "kick her out."

Rather, I grew frustrated when you couldn't be bothered to object to her going out and catting around. Since I know someone like that is not going to make it, I abandoned the thread.

Melody, can I trade the next 200 times I tell some BS to expose because it worked for me then?? I know you think I am a nice guy because I have tried to call you in before on a case you didn't think was listening... I will do whatever you want...even if thats quit bugging you:)

What are the three things Andy should do TODAY in BLACK AND WHITE.

Tell wife to leave now?
Seize money when it hits joint account?
Threaten full custody?

What? I promise just tell him what to do in ten words or less and I never bug you like this again.

REynolds, I just don't know; I haven't kept up on his situation and am running out for an appointment. I am sorry I can't be of much help here. You are such a good friend to Andy!

Melody - I was going off my memory - my sincere apologies! Don't worry about it. You abandoned my thread for a reason - just know that I've followed your and others advice, short of a couple of things. She's not going out anymore, but things are a bit complicated now.

Reynolds - I appreciate the extraordinary effort you put forth here. Wow! I'm humbled by it.

MelodyLane,

Cliff's Notes to pique your curiosity:

1. WW's affair is over.

2. WW is still ticked about exposure.

3. WW is still spewing venom.

4. WW is still saying the marriage is over.

5. WW is out looking for a house for herself in front of, and while living with, Andy and their child. WW's mother is offering to be the financial backing in this purchase.

6. Andy is trying a good Plan A given the circumstances.

7. Some of us (myself included) are worried that Andy is approaching doormathood and don't want to see it happen.

8. We value your input.

Honestly, Andy, no offense at #7 is intended. I imagine all of us posting on your thread are behind you 100%. It's just my not-so-educated opinion from viewing your life through the internet!

NW8900 - Trust me, no offense taken. I think I have a plan and I'm comfortable with it, but it may be the wrong plan. There is collective wisdom here and that's the power of this board. The only other thing is for me to withhold my signature on the other house, IF it's required. My emotions are starting to get the better of me - there's a little voice starting to ask - am I done? Then I look into DS eyes and he's so happy and content right now - that makes me want to fight! Back and forth, back and forth..

Andy, are you in a community property state? If so, and she buys a house while still married to you, I think you can lay claim to half of it.

Wouldn't THAT put a crimp in her style?

Lets stick to Andys thread going forward so there aren't two groups discussing..