my MIL is on my side, his father left her but my husband was 25, he told his life full time and he coached all of his soccer games, My husband has no idea how to be a decent father. He will miss so much as a 4 day a month dad.

Will your MIL help you bust up this affair? She could deal the affair a death blow if she emailed the OM's mother and told her that she does not approve of adultery and her skanky cheater daughter will never be welcome in her home. She could then call the OW and tell her the same thing. If she does that, it will put great pressure on the affair.

If I was your MIL I would be GLAD to do this.

My husbands mother does not knwo about the impending divorce, I will call her. My SIL could not believe i had the nerve to contact the OW mother. Really?? who cares at this point. I am sittig back, changing locks, seeing attny, and hopefully my husBAND WILL SEE PLAN B IN EFFECT. I feel mor powerful with th advice form this sight. I am so much bettr with the no contact, no response ever. I was not good at this before,

I went to the attourney today. Prett ymuch tols me to sit toght as I am getting more money from himnow than is I pushed fora divorece. He is the one that asked me for th e divorce, let him file and see what the terms are. I am good in Plan B with no contact, I feel better without angry text messages and such. Still sad, but I need to protect myself emotionally at this point. My husband is a procrastinator, and he had none of my info like SS# to formally file; so I will sit back and see what happend. Do you need that detail to file?

Mason,
I think you are doing the right thing, protect yourself in Plan B and in terms of financial for now...............sit back and let your husband make the moves he needs to move........don't believe anything that he says, you are now in charge of your own best interest...........good luck

Thank you, I was sad this morning but feel a bit better now. Have not spoken with him since last Thursday when he gave me the D news. I will pack a bag for the boys tonight and leave it at daycare tomorrow morning so he will not have to come to the house. I was also happy my attorney told me that I can put a clause in there that the boys can not meet anyone new (OW) for atleast a year from the time of the divorce. I am going to talk to my therapist if she will back me up on this with a letter. She is the one who gave me the idea.
It is hard not to believe anything he said, the shock of how he spoke to me is wearing off a bit. He is holding on tight to the OW, and willing to give up everything.

I am losing it today. I was crying when I said goodbye to the boys this morning. I now understand why people run away with their kids. I am having a problem of how someone can inflict this much pain on someone. If anyone can help how I can better wrap my brain around out of this. There is no common sense to how my husband said he wanted to work on our marriage and he loves me to three weeks later telling me he has no feelings for me. Does he even know what he wants? Not me, he wants this woman and a life with her. He is willing to only see his kids 4 days a month. I have such hate and anger that I am forced into this lifestyle. I feel like I have no say and I do not matter to him. He gets to do what he wants and just says he was not happy in our marriage. Not very hopeful today. I need to cope better.

Ugh, Mason. How hard for you!! I am so sorry you have to feel this pain. Please try to keep yourself busy while the boys are gone.

I am hoping your WH feels something when he doesn't have the boys. That may push him back toward home.

Mason - I'm new here, but I think that you're trying to apply logic to a situation that's inherently illogical. That's the fog a WS has - they don't know what they want, they don't know what they're saying one minute to the next. I've gotten the same message from mine - she doesn't miss me, divorce is inevitable, she hates me, yada, yada, yada....

She also specifically said again last night that she hasn't been happy in our marriage since Aug '09 - but that same person doesn't want to work on the relationship when I offered up every possible option.

My suggestion is for Mason to work on Mason - do the things that bring you joy, take up a new hobby or re-start a neglected one. Spend quality time with the kids. I would also suggest exercise - it accomplishes two things: it makes you feel better about yourself and it'll make you tired at the end of the day. Consequently, you might sleep better. Your WS will also notice the change, if you can stick to it.

Thank you, I have a therapy appointment today. I knew this wknd was going to be hard, during the very, very false recovery we had stopped splitting up the boys, so this is my first wknd without them. I will try to stay busy. Luckily after Sunday I do not have to deal with this for another two wks. He has no mid wk visits, Never asked for them. He is chosing his job and the OW over his family. I no I can not make sense out of nonsense and I will have the strength hopefully sooner than later to build a better life for myself. Just needed a little support today from everyone who is in the same boat. Dealing with people who do not have a soul.

So happy the wknd is over an I have the boys back, He was angry that my sister was going to be at the house when he dropped them off, He was frantically looking for his passport (apperently for a work trip to Canada) he called me to find out where it was, though it was my sister calling me and i just said I do not knw and hung up. He took his checkbook (as a threat not to pay for daycare) I took a book of check of his and hid them in the anticipation he would do this. Not sure why he is so angry, he should be happy that he does not have to deal with me and only has to have the kids 4 days a month. He is as free as a bird now. He texted me that he does not like that I am not responding to him, he never asked about the boys once last week and I have not reached out to him since he told me he wanted a divorce. I am getting better everyday, and I have no desire to contact him, he needs to get a good dose of what being a divorced single dad is really like. You do not know what is going on with your kids unless you are with them. I told my sister we will do this again in two weeks when he has the boys. He will never see me again.

mason, you are doing great!!
\
Was he in your house?

Yes, with my sister when he dropped the boys off. She met him at my house, was there waiting for them. He texted me after he left, "you can go home now, I left". He does not get it yet. Not sure if he will ever see the light, but this is protecting me emotionally, removing myself from his life. I know he expected me to freak out about the checkbook. ( I have done this in the past when he has tried to take it) Dead silence!

mason, you did good in setting up the exchange with the sister, but he should not be allowed to come in the house and rummage around. I would have your IM send him a message and tell him in the future he should just tell her in ADVANCE what he needs and then she will check with you and she will give him the item.


I would not read any of his texts, emails, or listen to voicemails. Either block him completely or if he does get through, just delete ti without reading or listening to it.

I know, I have been deleting all of his text and not repsponding. I am going to out his passport in the mailbox, most of his things are in the garage in garbage bags. I do not have to pay daycare for another month, hope he does not pull any crap with that. Wait and see. I will just write the check from his checkbook. My sisters have been great and understand that I never want to see him again, they hate him for what he has done.

OK, speaking of not snooping, I have never stopped, I know in Plan B- you should not but I can realized I can get into his AOL acount but will have to change his passowrd, Both sister an dbest friend say NO, you no everytuing. I still feel like I want to. Not contact him, but get into that account. My gut says no, but want to... Thoughts?? he will no because I wiil need to change password,

I put his passport in the garage on top of the garbage bags with the rst of his things. A little sad today, trying to feel stronger. I panic everytime I see fedex drive by that it is divorce papers. Have to stop.

Hang in there, mason!

He is going to Cleveland to be with her this wknd. Not suprised he does not have the boys, atleast they will not be shacking up in a hotel close to me. It still stings so much. I do not want to care. I am rationalizing things in my head that he will come back, does not look like it. Packed up more things and put them in the garage. I have so much anger and hate towards him, he does not have a conscience.

I am sorry, Mason. I promise you it won't always be like this. Try and focus on your own life. Start working out, finding new things to do.