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When was the text sent?

I know it's rough to get hit again when you thought you were on the way out. Happened to me, too. I think you did the right thing for you and your kids. Let her parents have a shot at her for a while...I bet they'll get through to her.



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So...okay, this is interesting. Her parents physically packed her up and took her home??? Where is home, exactly? How far from you? And how do you figure into the mix as far as killing the A?


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okay, installing Firefox really helps with running this site FYI. Yes her parents and sisters physically did it. They said she just acted dead with no remorse while they were talking. They live about 18 miles away. Sounds kinda childish, but it was the best thing that's happened to me so far. I was tired of the crap. I don't know if this will kill the affair or not. Her mother already has an appointment with a counselor tomorrow for her only.

She has already called me and apologized for the contact and didn't know why she did it. I don't really know if she will get over this guy. she is still so lost i really don't see her loving me again.


Me 37
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exposure Day 2/18/11
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I don't really know if she will get over this guy. she is still so lost i really don't see her loving me again.
Lost, don't start thinking about throwing in the towel, here. This isn't over by a long shot!

I think it was a great, bold act by WW's family to react as strongly as they did. But I think you need to be in there with them on your WW's 'recovery team'. How are they involving you in this?



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Maritalbliss thanks for the encouragement. They already wanted me there tonight but its not going to work. Of all things to be going on my 6 year old has a performance at school tonight. So the whole family will be there for this. i will talk some there. I felt that she needed some counseling by herself before i get involved. She needs her cloud to leave a bit before i step in the ring.


Me 37
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Originally Posted by lostman101
She has already called me and apologized for the contact and didn't know why she did it. I don't really know if she will get over this guy. she is still so lost i really don't see her loving me again.

You've got some great in-laws there--count yourself as a lucky one since so many get nothing but complacency from their WS's parents.

Keep yourself in the ring, stay involved in this and keep in touch with her family. You guys are all in this together and you'll find their support to be the best thing to keep you going.

A similar thing happened in my story, WW's family went all out to support me and bust the affair up.

That your wife already called you is a good thing. I'm sure she's feeling like a humiliated child since her parents are now involved. This is also a good thing, a little humble pie goes a long way sometimes.

Hang in there and give it some time. Let her miss not being there when the kids go to bed tonight. See what tomorrow brings.


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It sounds like lost you have a great family to support you, and also in the Christian faith.

I probably don't have to explain to you how many use Gods love and Grace to justify thier feelings, and live in denial.

Then when reality comes crashing down, they call you Satans helper, and the accuser of the bretheren.

Your a good man, hang in there, and remember that you are fighting the good fight.

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Lost, don't forget to give OM's wife a call and let her know about the contact. She needs to know.

Use this time to get your thoughts in order and your list prepared of conditions that you must have to stay in the marriage. Boundaries, NC, transparency...

Take care.


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thanks all for the support. Yes we send out kids to a christian school and the program was good for her to see. i saved her and her parents a seat among all the other siblings and when they arrived she seemed cold. she didnt say much for the first 5 minutes just small talk. I then looked over at her and she had tears running down her face and she said "I miss you guys and i want to come home". i asked her if she meant kids or all of us, and she finally said all of us. Dont know if i believe she is missing me any, but rather didnt want to stay with her parents. At the the end of the program we were all at the door to leave and i told the kids to tell mom by. She looked at me and said you dont want me to come home? I told her not tonight, your parents have got you and they are taking you to counseling. I said we would talk about it tomorrow and we would see. I want her to miss her kids(and hopefully me) more and more before she comes home. On the flip side, I dont want the kids to miss there mom. We have decided as a family, meaning her parents, 2 sisters and spouses and me and my WW to not hurt the kids or confuse them with this unless she ends up leaving. So tonight she is having a slumper party with grandma and grandpa has to go to bed early lol.

Her parents were brutal, thats all i know and im sure it makes it hard on her to be with them, even if there is still no remorse. Who knows


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On the flip side, I dont want the kids to miss there mom.
Which is why you don't want to lose her to divorce. Do what you need to do on the front side, lost.


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Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Lost, don't forget to give OM's wife a call and let her know about the contact. She needs to know.
I dont really want to talk to her anymore. I talker to her monday face to face while picking the kids up from school. She is sincerely sorry for me and my kids and told me she was praying that my family works this out for my sake. She had her car full of stuff as she was moving out of OM(husbands) house. She is a fairly attractive lady and i dont want her to get any false impressions of me contacting her anymore. The damage is done on her end. He has cheated on her 2 times and once with the wife before. id say its over and that is that i guess.


Me 37
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A started 11/2010
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Originally Posted by maritalbliss
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On the flip side, I dont want the kids to miss there mom.
Which is why you don't want to lose her to divorce. Do what you need to do on the front side, lost.

I havent given up, but for once i feel better and that i finally have the upper hand on the situation. And tonight someone else gets to babysit my WW. My kids need their mom and dad. Thats how it works and thats how i want it. But im willing to end it if she wont come back. I want her to have reality hit hard, not just a little. I dont know what im going to get out of this episode, but its got to be better than it not playing out like this at all. People are right about manning up and delivering the blows, its the only way things are gonna get better. I know it may still take time for it to get better, but maybe another step forward. Just not looking forward to the 2 steps back.


Me 37
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Hang in there Lost! Sounds like there are many positive developments in your situation. There will be bumps in the road, but don't let that discourage you!


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Originally Posted by lostman101
she didnt say much for the first 5 minutes just small talk. I then looked over at her and she had tears running down her face and she said "I miss you guys and i want to come home". i asked her if she meant kids or all of us, and she finally said all of us.

Originally Posted by lostman101
At the the end of the program we were all at the door to leave and i told the kids to tell mom by. She looked at me and said you dont want me to come home? I told her not tonight, your parents have got you and they are taking you to counseling. I said we would talk about it tomorrow and we would see.

hurray You did great, Lost. Kind of nice to be in charge of your own life again, isn't it?

Originally Posted by lostman101
Her parents were brutal, thats all i know and im sure it makes it hard on her to be with them, even if there is still no remorse. Who knows

Don't forget to thank them for standing up for your family smile


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Originally Posted by lostman101
Originally Posted by Northwood8900
Lost, don't forget to give OM's wife a call and let her know about the contact. She needs to know.
I dont really want to talk to her anymore. I talker to her monday face to face while picking the kids up from school. She is sincerely sorry for me and my kids and told me she was praying that my family works this out for my sake. She had her car full of stuff as she was moving out of OM(husbands) house. She is a fairly attractive lady and i dont want her to get any false impressions of me contacting her anymore. The damage is done on her end. He has cheated on her 2 times and once with the wife before. id say its over and that is that i guess.

Oh, didn't realize what her situation was. I don't blame you, probably wouldn't do any good. Beware, though. That a-hole, without his wife, is now probably even more on the prowl.

When did you say that text was sent? It might be a good time to call OM and remind him to stay the f away from your wife or all hell is going to break loose.

I wonder if any of your wife's family would be interested in having OM's phone number smile I'll never forget my FIL dropping the f-bomb and asking me for OM's number...too bad the coward never would answer our calls.


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didnt mention that her dad went off on the other man big time as well yesterday on the phone. What a deal!


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Originally Posted by lostman101
didnt mention that her dad went off on the other man big time as well yesterday on the phone. What a deal!
Good for him! hurray


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How often do people around here just feel like giving up? This stuff just sucks and I applaud those that are here to help people with affairs. It is so depressing reading other peoples stories that it just gets me down even more.


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Lost - right now @ 10:23 EST, I feel like giving up, but I might NOT feel that way @ 10:30 EST.

Last edited by AndyM; 02/25/11 10:32 AM.

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Originally Posted by lostman101
How often do people around here just feel like giving up? This stuff just sucks and I applaud those that are here to help people with affairs. It is so depressing reading other peoples stories that it just gets me down even more.
Just for the record, LM, there are times that I feel like I have to take a breather from some of the forums, if not the board itself.

Reading the SAA forum, for example, can be a real heartbreak.

But I was here, and there were people here willing to help me, despite their own pain. The help I received was so great that my recovery progressed much faster than anything I could have managed on my own. Because of this, I try to help when I can. I'm not a seasoned vet like MelodyLane or Pepperband, but I believe each of us has strength in our own story and experience. When I think I can, I apply that.

"Pay it forward," "pass it on," or however you want to put it, giving something back is part of the reward of recovery.

You're not alone.

Isn't that nice to know?


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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