I have been divorced for 2 years in March. My husband and I were married for 14 years. He was my first in everything. But after we married he became a different person. He was not loving and did not spend any time with me. All of his freetime was spent going to races or hanging with friends. I raised my 2 kids alone basically and I felt very alone. And I did try to go to church and live right. But I realize now I never truly gave my heart and soul to the lord.

After 10 years of marriage I had a affair of the heart. No sex was involved, but I become to involved with a man I worked with. I was overwhelmed with guilt and I ended it. And thinking I was doing the right thing I told my husband what happened and how I felt unloved. Which I had told him about the loneliness and feeling of no love in the marriage many times. I even ask for counseling.

Of course he was very hurt and angry when I told him of this. But he came to me one day and said he had gotten saved and wanted to be a good husband. This lasted all of a month. The anger and resentment he had toward me escalated and he became enraged. He was this way for a few years. And the kids and I would go to church alone. He finally gave in and had an affair to get his revenge. Well this absolutely destroyed me even more because he was the only man I had ever been intimate with and he destroyed that. I tried to get over it, but it was so hard. The devil did everything he could to make us go in the wrong direction.

We had seperated for a couple of months and then I ask him to come home. He was very nice and good at first, but I still had issues. The problem was, neither of us had accepted christ and we were trying to fix this on our own. HUGE MISTAKE! And of course the devil sent someone my way to make me think the grass was greener on the other side and they had been wronged and so had I. So it seemed like we both owed our spouses some revenge. The man is a nice guy and we had both known him and his soon to be ex wife for years. This made it easier for me to fall into the devils trap because I trusted this man and thought he was a good guy. The devil enticed me into thinking he was better than my husband. Which was the complete demise of my life.

Needless to say we ended up getting a divorce. A lot of hurt was there because he said I left him for another man. And that I destroyed him. It suddenly all became my fault. Yes, I was very much to blame, but so was he. And ultimately the devil was the one who came out on top. My husband, kids and I all lost out.

Recently I was diagnosed with cancer. It has spread to many places and I am going through treatment. But my chances are slim. This has humbled me beyond belief and it took such a feat to make me give my heart and life to god.

I am burdened to say that it took this to change my life. And I realize now that I lost the love of my life and what god intended to be best for my kids and family.

During this time, I have gone to all that I have wronged and ask for forgiveness. Even my ex's parents have forgiven me and said they wish we could work our marriage out. But my ex says he has forgiven, but when I ask him about given me any sort of chance he throws everything from the past up. He is still in my opinion not saved or hasnt' given his whole heart to the lord. But I do understand his anger and I know what a sorry person I was. He says that even if I were not a christian I should have known better to get a divorce and that it is not the devils fault but mine. I agree to some degree, but if I would have been following god I would not have divorced. But I think we would have ended up in divorce because he could never really forgive, try to put anything behind him.

My heart is heavy because I know that God wants us to be together. I can still feel this everytime I pray. However, he won't even give me half a chance. When I ask him to pray and ask god to open his eyes or see if god can make a difference he gets so angry. Cusses, blows up and even told me I am getting what I deserve by being sick. This is not the man I know is deep down in his soul. There is a good man that I still love and I know that god can help him. However, unless I get a miracle, I don't have much time to see what god can do for restoring our love. I know he loves me, but he is still very hurt. I am being very kind to him in every way and I don't bring up the past.

He is currently dating an ungodly woman, who is young, pretty and he is probably having sex with her. But he says he will never remarry and I have told him that he should not date or have sex then, because he is not living right by doing this.

I know that the new woman is just a hinderance that the devil has thrown his way to put another roadblock up from us having a chance. What can I do to show him I have changed and to get him to look at the possibility of giving me and god a chance?

He thinks that I have only started wanted him back because he is dating. But that is not it at all. If it were up to me when I was an unbeliever, I would not give this man a chance at all! I feel he has wronged me as much as I have him. However, I have forgiven him and I don't dwell on the past. I have put it behind me and I want to show the devil that god can take even the worst case of divorce and use it for his good.

Does anyone have any insight or hope for me? I am praying and trying to keep my faith. But I don't see much light at the end of the rainbow. If anyone has any suggestions or stories of restoration, please share them with me.

I have advice. Stop blaming the devil and own your choices. You do believe in free will, don't you? God gave you that. There, in the owning, comes forgiveness.

Oh, dear. Well, let's look at this.

You had an affair because your emotional needs were not being met by your husband and you had poor boundaries. Those two things, along with opportunity to engage in adultery, is what caused this.

After you confessed to your H neither of you did anything to affair-proof the marriage and protect it.


No, bmw. The devil did NOT make you do it. You chose to commit adultery. Again. Even after you saw how damaging it was the first time you did it.

How do you know this? It doesn't look like He does.

I would suggest you leave him alone and stop make assumptions and casting judgment on a woman who has something you want. That's envy, and that's wrong. Telling him he shouldn't date is really not your place.

WHAT?? Again, how do you know this??

I hope I don't sound mean, because that's not my intent. But you had multiple affairs and have never accepted responsibility for any of it. Now you've changed your mind and want your EX husband back and are dismayed to see that he no longer wants you and is going forward with his life. He is angry with you for the damage you did to your marriage. He has a right to be.

BMW, I'm sorry you are hurting, on top of being sick with cancer. May I ask what kind of cancer you have?

You can't control your EX or what he does now. You made your choice when you walked out on him. With God in your life now (good for you!) why not focus what remaining days you have on making amends to your children? I would think they have suffered the most. Show them the love of a good mother.

What will your children remember about you when you're gone?

Hi there,
I agree with princess, it's time to forgive yourself and just be the best woman you can be from now on, be the best mom you can be, make a difference in your children's lives...........that is the greatest gift..........it will bring joy to your life, don't take on all that burden of what your husband is doing, he is going to have to deal with God himself when it comes time........You are good woman who has learned to see things the right way and is trying to be accountable but you are the only one you can control.......God has a plan for everyone, you have to have faith in the bigger picture, focus on your health and your children, make the best of what you have a be grateful for all you do have.........don't waste any precious time on what you have no control over........
Peace be with you..............(hugs).....jessi