I am thinking this one is an alcoholic.

Purpledragon, is your wife an alcoholic?

I understand your logic.
I can't tell if she is an alcoholic, based on what he's written so far.
Some WWs start drinking because of their affair.
The guilt eats at them so much they drink to numb it.
I also think this has been going on longer than he suspects.
WW may have groped the OM at a party because she was already in love and involved with him.
Yanno?

Meanwhile, my position on "cake eater must be dumped" has not changed.
Too often we hear this from the newbies trying to be helpful.

"Your WS is a cake eater. Kick him/her out immediately."
Or, the alternative:
"Your WS is a cake eater, plan B him/her immediately."

As if a cake eater was something out of the ordinary for a wayward.
Every wayward is a cake eater somewhere along the way.

AGREE!

Mel,

After D day, I tried to GET DRUNK on purpose, at every opportunity.
I could not drink enough to numb the pain.
I'd be drunk AND in pain.
It was horrible.
If someone was to write about my drinking habits during that brief period of time, I would have appeared to be a binge drinker.
In reality, I am a normie who can take ETOH or leave it.

The irony was, that after D day, my WH stopped drinking while I began getting drunk on purpose.
Ha! <~~~ THIS is how effective my getting drunk was.

Talk about a pointless activity and not having any idea what I was doing.

Thank God these people have MB.
You and I went through the worst times in our M without the MB plans.
I think, in some ways, this is why we appreciate the plans so very much.
We know what it was like to suffer infidelity without them.

Typically, what I see around here are WS's who will begin drinking to drown out their conscience. That is pretty typical, IMO, and they are not usually alcoholics but heavy drinkers. [they can turn into an alcoholic, though]

In this case, his WS gets drunk and picks up men. That is indicative of alcoholism when a person does something out of character like that. It usually means she is a black out drunk. That is why I asked him about this. I want to know if her therapist brought this up.

FYI - I don't know if it's relevant or not. Some people also seek comfort in food, my WW is one of these. They eat when they're very happy and also when they're depressed. Of course, when they're depressed it's a double whammy. They overeat, they gain weight, then the weight gain becomes another factor in the depression. That might lead to another round of eating and the cycle continues. This is one of the things I watch for in my WW.

In some cases it's more difficult than alcoholism - you can avoid alcohol and stay alive, but you have to eat.

Not meaning to highjack the thread but Pepper can you explain this? I thought we weren't supposed to let our WS cake eat. I basically stopped my WW from leaving her kids here, and other things to stop her from cake eating. Now I hardly see her or hear from her so it feels like she is not cake eating. Does this mean we're doomed?

No... My brother was/is a recovering alcoholic and this is nothing like that. She abused alcohol on many occasions, but she is not dependent on it. She has become very aware what she was doing and has really stopped drinking.

She was cake eating and I think she is still cake eating right now but it doesn't involve the OM but more of a lifestyle thing. It's been such a short period of time since I exposed that I'm giving her some space to clear her head a little and see the therapist a few more times. She told me yesterday that it was really over between her and the OM and while I don't believe her so much, she is adamant that she has whereas before she said there was no way should give him up. I'm tired of being angry and pissed off at the situation and I'm just laying low for a while doing my own thing and just being generally nice and pleasant to be around but not talking about anything too deeply. If we don't make any progress in the next couple of weeks, any kind of softening to working on the relationship then she really has to leave. I know many of you say kick her a$$ out the door today but I'm just being present and there for my kids and work right now and doing my own thing.

It just bugs me she won't even soften at all on coming to the table to work things out or even say I'll be here for X months just to get my head on straight and then make a decision. She is very determined to leave as soon as she can get some money. While we aren't poor, there is nothing extra for her to take and find a place to live.

One question, should I still be snooping on her? I think I can get into her computer from time to time to check on things... I hate doing that as I want to build up trust with her again. I will need to do it no matter what happens because we will be linked together for the rest of our lives no matter what because of these kids.