Awesome words Bob_Pure. I concur with GH31, your story spurred me on in my early days.

I certainly can�t speak to Arpeggi�s perceived surpluses in WWs/BHs around here just the last few years, but I can say that scholarly research does clearly indicate that female/wife-adultery has vastly increased over the last several decades in the US.

It used to be that the term �affair� applied overwhelmingly to a husband who was having an extra-marital relationship with a (usually) single woman at work. That has changed radically. It is true that, counting by each individual marriage, men/husbands are still more likely to have an affair (est. 60%) than women/wives are (est. 45%), but that gap has been rapidly narrowing for many years now and will disappear fairly soon if the current trend continues.

Basically, adultering-wives are becoming more frequent while adultering-husbands have remained relatively stagnant on a percentage basis.

Well, not sure what this thread has accomplished in resolving any concern about tepid WH's or more aggressive WW's!

SDCW, I am just glad I married my wife in 1969! That being said, she is honest, loyal, dedicated, demanding (in a wise way), silly at times, sexy, passionate, devoted, courageous, intellegent, attractive, and has deep values that she does not compromise. I had Char home the past five days and I actually showed her this thread. She is not that computer literate in terms of using the Internet - she just has a tremendous block egarding computers for some reason, which we have not been able to help her with - but she read a few of the posts. The first comment she made is that it is simply sad that most divorces result from not communicating. I know that she meant that most affairs do too. We talked just a little about IF we had had affairs, and besides her comment that would not happen it was that she Would divorce me, or that she would expect me to come after her - not in terms of John Wayne, who she has always accused me of in terms of my swaggering, but in terms of just "making yourself known that you love me" (her words). To clarify, she did have a relationship with a guy in the nursing home she is at a year ago, and I know now that was due to her vulnerable situation of having to be placed there and her resentment toward me at that time. She also asked me why I am on here and when I explained to her that I want to learn how to elevate our marriage she seemed to understand.

Right now I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, paraphrasing Lou Gehrig. I found one of those 'diamond in the rough' women to share my life with.

Tom

In our culture we are taught that this is the right thing to do.

It's against our nature as men to be deferential to anyone, to ask anyone's permission.

That doesn't mean it's true, and in fact it's not true. My experience is that often what women say they want isn't the same as what they actually respond positively to. Before anyone flames me for that, emphasis on "often", I didn't say "always".

Often a bewildered BH, experiencing the most excruciating pain of his life will believe the vile lies and justification spouted by his WW as to why she's having an affair.

The trouble is that some BHs then turn into supplicating, grovelling, enabling saps, deathly afraid of exposure and doing what's right. This is just plain old unattractive to women, including and especially his WW.

I have never regretted exposing my W's A. Not once, but I do regret not doing it sooner.