Semantics aside, LM, you're in defacto Plan B now.

If you haven't read the guidelines yet, it would be useful to do so now.

You might as well put the rest of the controls/restrictions in place - NC, IM, etc.

no i dont want it to be a vacation. Im thinking like a christian retreat type place. Maybe even a workshop or something. I've not given up, just switching gears. ive been at this so hard and gone nowhere that im tired of spinning wheels. I let her know that we still need this to work for the kids but she needs to get to the right place. if people show up at his place it will just drive her to a worse place. I do know how this girl works inside and i think a problem now is that people are pushing her farther out.

i think a problem now is that people are pushing her farther out

No, she's doing that by herself. No one bought her another (3rd? 4th?) cell phone to call 1-800-Cheater. No one forced her to flee her parents' house to go get boned at OM's. No one forced her to pick POSOM over her children.

BTW: I assume you've been in contact with her V-ball team, explaining how she was using their team activity as a screen to go get her pipes snaked? (Informing their husbands would also be a powerful ploy.)

gotcha, i stew on this for a while. I know your right, but the steam to get me there is gone.

Remember, your guiding principle is to RUIN HER LIFE as long as she continues to follow the cheating lifestyle!

• What she likes, she can't have!
• She likes V-ball? Make it a living hell for her!
• She needs funds? Close off all access to your accounts!
• She needs a car to get around? If possible, take it from her!
• She wants a sham-maternal relationship with her family? Slam that door shut!
• Will she seek religious/spiritual comfort? Pre-arm them with a list of her transgressions!

Her newly crapped-on personality and emotional state will make her REAL attractive to POSOM, too.

thanks, im looking for motivation

Lost - I suggest you step away for a little while from all this. Somehow distract yourself, work, play, gym, but not anywhere near a computer monitor. If you can do something physical it'll help - you'll be forced to focus on your activity. Then come back and take a look at the situation. I was fit to be tied yesterday afternoon - vented here - and was much better. It was just the downward part coaster.

Welcome to the Evil Genuis Club.. Neverguesseo!

Thanx for the membership badge, CP!

Lol.. "Wile E. Coyote..Geeen--i-usss!!!" I remember it well.

Man will that put a cramp in her style, if all the other women in the VB club start on this.

Think on this LM..

Mark 4:20-22 (King James Version)

20 And these are they which are sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred.

21 And he said unto them, Is a candle brought to be put under a bushel, or under a bed? and not to be set on a candlestick?

22 For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad.

When you were about to get married, did you not hold each other up before the world and God in the light of day? Like you are now, calling wrong what it is, and vowing to protect each other from evil, whether is sickness or in health?

If her V-ball team has a variety of gals, some wicked and some not, some married and some single, she will have to deal with the ramnifications of being an adulterer.

The only ones who would be surprised will be the ones who live in the fantasy that marriages don't need protection, and that people are not falible and weak.

Then there are those who just makes excuses and will be on her side

Then there are those who live in conviction and won't make excuses for bad behavior, for themselves, or others.

Bring it out into the light, and maybe in the end WW will have the guts and conviction to see how dumb she is acting, and thank you for exposing this crap.

None of those people know her except one. I dont know any of them except one and that one person knows. The rest could be cheaters welcoming her to the club as far as i know. She came home for a short while today and repacked her bag and said she was staying with a friend instead of other man. She said its been a hard day and that she didnt think she could stay home and be with kids(odd this is her kid time). She was upset all the teachers at school now new and they stripped her of any duties at the christian school. She was teary eyed the whole time and left. I think shes having a breakdown moment. She called one of her friends that she has shut out and talked a little bit.

I'm sticking to my rules for the house, shes now exposed all over the whole christian school. The administrator even lectured her today. Now she doesnt want to stay at the om house. She was still open for me to send her out to a christian camp of some sort, but not just yet. I have people investigating some places for me. Felt like a good day for me.

Do you have (would you consider putting) in place special safeguards as regards the school alerting you if WW shows up asking to take DS "home"? I know this is an ugly thought, but for some reason, I'm getting a "sixth sense" warning on this issue.

Sadly, she has worked herself into a corner where she'll let NOBODY of good-will reach her. People in that position think the unthinkable. (I know, I've been there.)

I'm probably just having a reaction to my flu medication, but it would only be a phone-call.

Grats , and the research into a good Christian Retreat is also a good idea. Try to find what they teach as far as marriage also..

The point in that is..for me.. as far as I can see..Most marriages get bogged down with the details of life, and lose the faith, and desire, to keep working on love with the other weak and frail human being involved in the marriage union.

We will never be perfect beings, but we vowed to support each other as God supports us, also knowing we will never be perfect, ever. We are to guard our heart, with all dilligence, as our most important person we care for is our marriage partner we swore to love before God.

The marriage itself is a living breathing life of its own, entirly unique from any other marriage. It can be both pulling together, supporting and making both strong, or it can be the most painful experience in our life. Such is the power of faith, truth, and life.

You don't have to be rich, or succesful, or healthy, to have a good marriage. You just have to work on it.

Matthew 6


31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Sounds like your getting there LM

Oh, that was her idea then? I thought you were trying to push it on her or something. Sounds like a good one if she'll go with an open mind.

Looks like the consequences are really hitting hard this time. Hope she learns something from it. I'm guessing she's trying to blame all the fallout on you? Or has she been quiet in that regard?

Did you expose to the school or was it just word-of-mouth?

Point here is, we will all make mistakes, but making them together is way better than making them apart. Sharing everything, even to the depths of our soul, is required in a marriage, even our failures.

It will take time to forgive her, reguardless if you recover or not, and we will be around to help you when and if you start to either way.

But I highly recommend it, even if she remains a fool, because you must rise above all this crap. For Gods and your childrens sake.

I hope this helps with your peace of mind.

Thanks for that. I had safeguards in place yesterday. As that was the day i was really worried. I talked to the school adminstrator today and told him she could take them at the moment but i would let him know if that changed. I have covered most things i think.

I think the reality and devastation of what she has done is begining to set in. She has not said much to me, i think im just seeing signs.

I told her that she needs to go away from everything last night and she agreed she needed to. It was a little bit of an arguement at first, but she said god was the only one that was going to change her heart and not people. I think she is starting a new phase.

Yes she was still blaming me for the fallout yesterday. today she seemed more like she was taking her medicine.

Lostman - hang in there. It does sound like she's thinking about things and in your case, her faith, will help determine the outcome. I heard my WW tell one of her sisters yesterday that she hasn't had a relationship with God since the day of her first surgery last year. We are not a religious family per se, we do not attend services on a regular basis, however, we do believe in Christian values, mores and ideals. So, this lever, unfortunately, is not available to me. I wish WW would rekindle her relationship with God; I went to a church just after I found out about the A and sat there in my own thoughts, looking for guidance and peace. I couldn't think of anything else to do.

I would recommend you both to go to church and make friends there. That is one great support group in times of need and People need god to help them get through these things. We have been in the process of finding a different church and things have gone to crap.

Im hanging in there at the moment. Not sure if her breakdown today is a positive one or a negative one. time will tell.

Lostman - thanks for the insight. The optimist in me (and I'm naturally inclined that way) says it's a good sign. Regardless, it's change and in this case, you WANT CHANGE. Now, at the end of the day, she may leave you and that's not the change you're looking for, but at least you will have reached an end of sorts instead of being caught in some bizarro groundhog day scenario that just repeats over and over again.