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Well she got home and told me her game was canceled so they went to wild wings. I asked who and she told me the vball friends. I asked why did you lie(father in law not here yet) she said i wouldnt of let her go if i knew the truth. I said your lying, pack your bags your out of here(i here father in law pull in). She blew a gasket and made a mad dash for the car and i followed. She was going to split town. We even wrestled for the keys! I asked her for the names of the friends and she told me. I called them up and no they werent with her. She admitted she was with OM and that me and FIL were being crazy to make her go with him. She then started spouten that she hates me more than ever and now it will be a fight for the kids. Thats when my FIL said he will have the best lawyer money can buy to make sure you dont. It was nasty, and i somewhat enjoyed the fact that i didnt have to try to make piece at that moment.
No harm was done during the wrestling, just frantically trying to get those keys out of the ignition while she was trying to get car started. I thought it was quite comical the way she was lying through her teeth. So much for this going the right way. Bravo to you, sir! CLANK CLANK!
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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The lies just kept coming and coming. She has gotten quite good at it. I dont ever see trusting this woman again. I had my BIL running all over town looking for her. I think he was getting a kick out of playing PI. I should be pissed right now, but im glad she was nailed red handed. I also got in her car after she left and found yet another cell phone box and a new bill she activated yesterday. wow do i have cell phones now. Couldnt find the phone so i imagine she has it. Gave a call to the inlaws to tell them beware. Good Grief will this madness stop?
Now for a sad note. My poor kids, to have a mom that keeps doing this. What are the chances of me gaining custody if it ever goes that route? Her whole family, I mean every one of them has told me she has no right to have our kids and they would back me to the end. This is a tight family and she has betrayed all of them.
I'm not saying this is where it will go, but man shes dug a big whole.
Last edited by lostman101; 03/02/11 03:36 AM.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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LM, I know the last thing you need right now is a we-told-you-so, but look over my post from 23 February.
Two points on it remain valid:
"What is the commitment to stopping this ongoing contact?" It's not her commitment I'm asking about, it's yours.
Tell her, and if you don't mean it, stop wasting your own efforts, LM, that any violation of these will mean the end of recovery attempts and initiation of dissolution actions....If you don't need this contact ended, stay on your current path. We're here to read your posts on the subject.
Reduced to its simplest form, right now WW believes that she can play this little game of "Catch me if you can", slipping away and shagging OM, and return to you, even if caught, with no negative ramifications. (Okay, now "Dad" is pissed too, but still....)
She's right.
Two elements are need to bring about change - knowledge of what to change, power to make the change.
We out here know that her life must be destroyed right now, because a large part of that life is concerned with getting with OM. We can't do it. We have knowledge but no power.
Do you have both elements, now?
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I hate to hear that LM but at least now you know the truth. My WW has always had a problem with lying anyway. She can get caught red handed and still try to convince you that your eyes are lying lol. One thing I have learned about liars is that they getting pissed if you don't believe them. They just can't understand why you don't believe their lies. Maybe because you're lying? DUH!
Thankfully you have the ILs there to help. I wish I did. Keep fighting the good fight!
Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
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We out here know that her life must be destroyed right now, because a large part of that life is concerned with getting with OM. We can't do it. We have knowledge but no power. Agreed, her life needs to come crashing down. I'd be hesitant to allow her back home for some time. Let it really hit home, especially when she isn't there to see her kids. Sorry, Lost. It sounds like your FIL is an honorable man, I'd be proud to call him family. Are you going to contact OM? Might be time to schedule a visit, taking FIL and some friends with you for support. Nothing violent, but a good conversation telling him that he will have NO place in your childrens' lives and that your wife's parents will hate him. Tell him he doesn't stand a chance and that he's going to get the hell out of all of your lives. The idea being that your wife becomes too much trouble for him to fool with, and that he sees that he has no future with her or, more importantly, her family.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Two more things.......
ONE
Have you read the "Vindictive, Cheating Wife........" thread on this board? Do so.
If you haven't yet, go out now and get yourself a micro-recorder. Without it, your WW's increased level of desperation seems destined to have you writing to this site from a jailhouse library.
Think not? Play this one out: She kicks you hard in the nuts; you respond by slapping her; the police are summoned; they need to separate the two of you. Who do you think they choose to leave home to manage the children, and who do you think they arrest?
TWO
Is "her" car in your name? Pull the plates and turn them in. (Flatten the tires if you must!) Get your keys from her ring, and lock your car. If she's got the strength to do the "infidelity mambo" with OM, she has the strength to walk there.
Remember: Your goal now is to ruin her life. (Although, for her to have her father basically call her a slut, without being affected, shows it's going to take a lot of "ruining" to make an impact.)
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Two more things.......
ONE
Have you read the "Vindictive, Cheating Wife........" thread on this board? Do so.
If you haven't yet, go out now and get yourself a micro-recorder. Without it, your WW's increased level of desperation seems destined to have you writing to this site from a jailhouse library.
Think not? Play this one out: She kicks you hard in the nuts; you respond by slapping her; the police are summoned; they need to separate the two of you. Who do you think they choose to leave home to manage the children, and who do you think they arrest? OR in the latest chapter trumped up child molestation investigation by CPS.......Instigated by the WW nESRE
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Remember LM this has become her passion. It is engulfing her in every way.
Listen to the advice about covering yourself, and don't ever be alone with her, until proven repentance.
I tend not to say, "She sounds like my WW" , because my WW was also an alcoholic, but all the childish stuff she is doing sounds like the same, and it has not only been with my WW I have seen it.
Be ready for her to try anything, protect yourself and the children, and trust God for the consequences of your obedience to Him.
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Yesterday i closed my bank account and reopened another, canceled credit cards, Talked to school admimstrator and told him what was going on and that i was to be informed if she showed to get the kids. I talked to lawyer to find out my rights with the kids at the moment and developed some good scare tactics.
Last night she came home with an attitude with me and wanted to see the kids. I informed her of the new rules and that i was well informed by my lawyer. I think there was some shock going on. She wanted to spend the night at home and i told her no. She wanted to be here for the kids in the morning and that she would come back and again i said no.
I told her she needs to take her bible and leave everything behind for a few weeks to start working her mess out by herself with god and she agreed she needed to. I dont know what is going to happen, but i scene a different person last night.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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You did the right thing, LM. It was time to set some boundaries or she'd think she could just come right back home and you'd forgive like before.
Well done on the finances, that should sink in pretty soon and also protects yourself. I know it's early, but if she's still out of the house when bills come due, you should insist on her paying half of everything.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Forgot to ask, have y'all contacted OM yet?
He should know that everytime he talks to your wife, you and her family will be talking to him.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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no i dont care anymore. i said what ive needed to say to ww and she needs to make her own decision. if she comes home i dont want it to be because he kicked her out. i want her to decide for the right reasons. I took responsibilty last night for my lack of support, EN, and taking her for granted before A. Said that if she came back these are things i knew i would need to address and that i would work on changing them. I needed to give her the understanding that things could be better if she does right thing.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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no i dont care anymore. i said what ive needed to say to ww and she needs to make her own decision. if she comes home i dont want it to be because he kicked her out. i want her to decide for the right reasons. I took responsibilty last night for my lack of support, EN, and taking her for granted before A. Said that if she came back these are things i knew i would need to address and that i would work on changing them. I needed to give her the understanding that things could be better if she does right thing.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Since you seem to be a responsible, well-organized person, I'm going to assume you had the recommended mini-recorder with you and "on" during the doorsill confrontation with WW. If not:  "NO, you can't see your children," is NOT the kind of communication that engenders rational behavior, even in the WORST, most fog-clouded, WW. If she had decided to physically push herself in, you would have been in an exposed situation. But, here's a bouquet, your strength is inspiring, and the mandate to "take her bible and leave everything behind for a few weeks to start working her mess out by herself with god" was BRILLIANT!
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No, didnt think of that. I'm beat and running out of steam. I'm about done with the fight inside. Decided to make things right on my end and cover my bases and let her know the choice is now hers. I have done all and more than i've should and i'm to the point where something needs to change in her. Nobody can do that for her and she told me last night the only person that can change her heart was god and she seemed like she was about to the point where she wanted him back.
She was stuck in OM house all day yesterday by herself with no car. He went to work and left her alone lol. Talked to OM wife and she thinks that my WW will or may already be becoming a burden to him. i think its funny and sad all at the same time.
Glad ive done something right.
Last edited by lostman101; 03/03/11 10:53 AM.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 4,653
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Did she spend last night there? I had thought her parents had her.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Dont know if i mentioned she split in the middle of the night once they had her. She bought another cell phone and had it on her when they took her. I was off this site for a while as i had so much going on. OM brought her home and dropped her off yesterday. I gave her the worst vehicle i have and I dont know where she went. After i told her all i had to say, she didnt seem to want to go back to his place but in reality im sure thats where she went. i wouldnt give her money, shes spent enough.
I told om wife and she said it probably upset him to ge get her in the middle of the night. I think he might feel he's loosing his newly gained freedom from splitting with his wife.
like i said i no longer care where she is. Nothing will change until shes ready.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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like i said i no longer care where she is. Nothing will change until shes ready. Are you serious when you say that you don't care where she is? Because, he was probably boinking your wife when she came over. True, nothing will change until she's ready--but she's not going to be ready as long as she has free reign to see OM, which she apparently does. I take it OM and his W are not divorced? Just worried that you're getting complacent, but having trouble gauging whether you're ok with that. Personally, I'd be in OM's face right now with as many people as I could gather...not advocating violence, but putting as much interference as possible into this affair. Plan B?
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Yes i do really care, but,im tired of the lying. she cannot tell the truth at all. She admitted it is a big problem and she needs to stop. I cannot stop them from being together. Ive tried no contact, ive tried reason, ive tried kids, ive tried family and friends and some counseling. I've tried my hardest and it hasnt stopped them yet. I told her all shes doing is staying in a fog and she will never get straight until she gets away. Im trying to figure out a good place to send her. I think she would agree and go as long as its somewhere she could come to her senses., I cannot keep babysitting her. Its time for her to get straightened out and there is nothing else i can do
Boinking. Probably. Seems she will find a way no matter what and the harder i try the more she runs. last night when i backed off was one of the first times she seemed more confused on what to do. I took it as a good sign.
I meant it when i said im beat. I need to find some sort of a retreat place for her to go. Any good advice that is reasonable in price in midwest?
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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I meant it when i said im beat. I need to find some sort of a retreat place for her to go. Any good advice that is reasonable in price in midwest? You mean like an old-time sanitarium or something? Or a spa retreat? Shoot, she'd just talk to OM while getting her nails done and probably wouldn't abide by your desire that she use the time alone to not contact OM. I know you're flat worn out, been there before, too. But you've come this far, why not keep going?? I'm wanting you to get pissed off about this OM and not let him off so easy. Until there's conflict in their relationship, she'll still be with him. You and her family being up in their business EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME THEY ARE TOGETHER will not make for a romantic evening. You have his home number? You and her folks call it non-stop when she's there. You have her cell number? Call that,. too. You know where he lives? Go by there with her family and ask to speak to her. Do it in the middle of the damn night if you have to!! Get this POS to realize that there is NO FUTURE with your wife or your kids. That his "future" in-laws will despise him and he will never fit into their lives. Oh, and you wife should realize this as well. Become a serious pain in the [censored] to this guy and ask his wife to do the same.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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