I've noticed a lot of repeat performances in betrayments. I was wondering is that because the same problems exist at home or is it because the spouse has started to love the hidden, forbidden aspects of the affair and now continues to seek that kind of love ?<P>Any thoughts ?

Here are my thoughts:<BR>I think that a lot of us NEVER deal with the issues of an affair. By attempting to "sweep it under the rug" we never resolve the problems that caused it...<P>My husband and I didn't get counselling the first time - I was going to buck up and get on with life, he was never going to cheat on me again. I didn't hold up my end and neither did he. I held the affair against him, used it as a weapon occasionally. I also fell into depression - I don't think the first affair had anything to do with this, but I do think that the depression had EVERYTHING to do with the second and present affair. I believe that I've very likely been cyclically depressed since early adolescence or even earlier.<P>At any rate, I do believe it has much to do with never resolving the issues surrounding a first affair.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>No, I'm not a Marriage Counselor,<BR>But I did sleep at a <BR>Holiday Inn Express last night...<BR>

Any other thoughts out there ?

Well here goes,<P>This is Val and my third seperatation. The first one very brief. I believe growing pains. Second lasted for 5 months. Neither one of us meeting each others emotional needs. Didn't know that until finding this site. OM involved at this point. I was not aware of that either. We both promised to be the best H and W. The next day reality set in. We didn't know how to.<P>9 months later, I felt a disturbance in the force. Tapped the phone. Suspitions confirmed. Present day separation into 7 months. The problems we faced were never resolved from the earlier seperation. We tried a marriage councelor or two didn't help our situation. <P>I now have the knowledge and power to make huge deposits into W love bank if she would only have let me. I could have been a good H. Divorce papers will be ready to be signed in mid January 2000.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic