Google her husband's name. You might find him on a business networking site or listed as an employee on a business web site.

Or call the house and disguise your # using *67 and ask for him.

Tried that, no luck

Oh.... how I do that. Dial *67 before dialing the number? I'll probably call from a payphone and not my cell. The OW knows my cell from me calling her.

I don't know if you can use #67 from a pay phone or not. Any number showing up with your area code would probably make her think it's your WH and hearing a female voice asking for hr BH would alert her that it might be you.

Using a prepaid calling card might work, though.

You don't have to do any of that. Just use your home phone or cell phone and type *67 before her phone #. It will come up "Private number."

LadyMist, you can use *67 from your cell phone.

Thank you! Good to know.

Tonight, H left his FB open. I checked his privacy settings he he did block the OW all together.

I'm glad about that! I knew he removed her but had no idea he blocked her too.

It can unblocked in 2 seconds.

True that but knowing he did this on his own without my asking him to do it says he is willing to work on things.

And if you read my previous messages... Him telling on himself to his Dad is HUGE. My H has a lot of pride and I'm stunned he would even tell his Dad knowing he would have to pull his Dad's shoe out of his bottom afterwards.

You have been getting great advice. Just wanted to throw more support towards the notion that your H still being on FB is a big EP that you are skipping over. Please be advised that the risk of them communicating again is VERY high. OW can just sign on with a new name or use someone else's account and, like Mel said, he can unblock it in two seconds.

You sound like you are very confident in your H's ability to resist the temptation for xxx reasons (exposing himself, etc), but if you hang around here a while longer or check out the FR (false recovery) page, you will see that ALL loopholes need to be sealed up as tight as possible. The fact that he isn't being completely honest about those ILY msgs has me a bit concerned as well...

Has the OWH been exposed to yet?

Your H's will power did not work in the past - or he wouldn't have had an affair - and it will not work in the future.
Just because he took the step to block the OW one day, does not mean he won't unblock her tomorrow. And he will probably be battling that in his head every time he goes on facebook because it will trigger him. "should I?" "Shouldn't I?"

This is why alcoholics stay out of bars and remove the booze from their homes. It is the same with adultery. The environment must change in order to recover from an affair. That hasn't happened if your H is still on facebook. The conditions that made the affair possible, one of which is facebook, has not been eliminated so the risk here is still very great.


here

So, your agenda is set, for the moment. You need to raise that recovery bar and tell your WH that FB needs to GO. And then, you need to expose to OWH.

This is a crucial time for you. You need to set that recovery bar HIGH so you don't suffer a False Recovery. False recoveries are more harmful to you, and your marriage than the affair itself.

Get a recovery plan sorted out, following MB of course, and follow it. My WH's A started as an EA too. What I did after I found out about the "friendship" led me to where I am today, you don't want to walk that path.

Ohhhh... not at all am I confident in H's ability to resist temptation! I was just happy that he does want to go into recovery. Like you said... I don't want a false recovery. I agree the FB needs to to go too. But that is one of my fears right now. He can ditch the FB. But what will keep him from creating another FB account with some bogus name to contact OW? He has been transparent with his email and phone. But what's to say he doesn't create another email or even get a pre-paid phone. I'm installing keylogger but I can't monitor his work computer. I noticed many of the phone calls seemed to happen while he was one his way back and forth to work and sometimes on lunch breaks. So I think it's good idea to put a recording device in his car. The OWH gets told tomorrow. I couldn't do it over the weekend. I tested out *67 on my daughters phone to be sure it worked and it did ok.

Wish me luck!

You can't STOP your WH from doing ANYTHING. What you can and SHOULD do is raise that bar HIGH.

Your WH had an affair and he is LUCKY that you want to stay with him. He should feel lucky that you are giving him a second chance and he should be willing to do ANYTHING to make this up to you. A WH who "returns" to the marriage without this is a false recovery waiting to happen.

I hope you are able to get in contact with OWH and that you tell him about the affair.

Good luck

Thank you Scotland. I have done just that. I just really need to get this one reveal to the OWH out. Not only has that bar been set High by me.... but also from those who know. My Family, His Family, My Daughter. I'm blessed to be so close to my family and his. This has really been great ammunition.

Lady, has this been exposed to the OWH yet?

I'm slow at getting back. To answer the question.... Yes! And pre-exposure to the inlaws because I knew they only got a watered down version. WH had finally had a breakdown and realization of his actions. We are currently in recovery.

In recovery and WH is doing everything right. The problem currently is with me. I constantly paranoid and have so much resentment. I don't hash it out with WH because he knows when I'm having a bad day (the pain of the EA effecting me) without my telling him. And I don't want to make withdrawls from the Love Bank by constantly hashing it up so I stay silent. I did already read what Dr. H has written about resentment but it really hasn't helped me with relieving any of it.

I find myself still logging every move my WH makes and comparing phone bills, computer use, etc. to everything to be sure the affair has indeed ended and has not gone deeper underground. I'm thinking this is an EA caught very quickly and if it was an PA I seriously doubt I would even want to work on it.

So my question is, what's the normal time frame for my resentment to last? I hate feeling this way.

Excellent!



You are NOT "paranoid".
You are wounded and you do not (yet) trust the man who wounded you.
There IS a huge difference.
Please, do not call yourself names here.


Go ahead and say it out loud.
A frank/honest discussion about your pain does not mean you are love busting.
Plus, if you discuss it with H, together you can come up with ways to help you feel better.
Suffering in silence is not recovery of love in your marriage.



Write confusing/angry/hurt emotional stuff in a journal.
After a day or so, if it is still an important issue, then bring it up with your H.
Sharing your deep feelings/concerns with H is a sign of intimacy !!!! Think about it.

When you say "constantly hashing it up" .... this is hyperbole, right?
I doubt this is constant. It may very well be frequent, but not constant.
Don't exaggerate please.



There is nothing wrong with surveillance and necessary reassurance in your current early recovery time frame.
Relax.
This is expected.
You may find the need to check his whereabouts from time to time for several years.


It's funny, nothing you wrote previously was "resentment".
Your fears and distrust are NOT resentment.
You pain and hurt are certainly NOT resentment.
Your need to check and double check his activities are NOT resentment.

So? What exactly is this resentment of which you speak?