Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
G
gammies Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
An Update...I ordered 2 Sim Card Readers and they did not work on ANY cards not even the one in my own phone. I am done with the idea of reading Sim Cards. There has been NC with my H and the OW...I am positive. I read the letter he wrote his friend in Minnesota and he told her they could no longer be friends because he valued our marriage and that was what was most important to him and I believe he realizes that friendships with single woman are wrong. He has set up boundries and realizes that he did not do this before. He has said over and over that what he has done was wrong, that his life was spiraling out of control. Everyone knows what he did now and I believe he is remorseful. There will never be another chance for him with this issue. He has been incredible to me...like a new person. He actually listens to me and I feel like we are learning to love again. Most of the time when I don't think about the EA I am ok. It is never far from my thoughts however and I am so sick of that feeling. Sometimes I feel so relieved to go to sleep at night so I can stop thinking about it or picturing her ugly face then I wake up and its a horrible reality again.When will the pain go away? When will I trust again? I feel like if I don't get over these feelings, we will never heal and I try so hard to make them go away. Is this normal? I have read so much on the subject and I feel like if I keep bringing up the EA it will be more damaging then letting go and moving on. What is your opinion on that? Should a spouse stop bringing up the EA to the WS? Is there a time when that in itself becomes damaging to the recovery? I still feel the need to talk about it sometimes. Is that wrong? I need to trust again...how can I do this? Like this week my H is out of town on business. I cant continue to feel this way everytime he leaves...its not healthy.I feel like we are meeting each othersEN now. We are talking, spending time alone, learning new things about each other and I see a new person emerging from my H but I still feel so hurt and betrayed. I still have those thoughts of why wasnt I good enough for you? He told me that he realizes his behavior was wrong and I truely believe he is changing so why cant I make this pain go away? Sometimes I feel like even though I love him I should leave because I dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life and only being with someone new will I ever have that innocence again...that he destroyed. Is this right to feel like this? How can you love someone and hate them at the same time?Craziness...

Last edited by gammies; 03/09/11 10:48 PM.
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
G
gammies Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
Well just to let you all know that after I posted that last night I called my WS.
He's in SF on business. He answered his cell and he was in a bar and said I cant here ya....seeya. That was I guess around 7 their time. I called back at 2am their time. He said he couldnt here me and went into the bathroom so he could hear the phone and talk which he preceded to be pissed off and rude to me. I reminded him of our agreement when he goes out for business that he calls and texts then calls when he gets back. I left him 6 very nice please call me texts at 1:30, 2:00 AND ON to please call me. No calls no texts. So I am done and its not that I think he was cheating....its the behavior.

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
Originally Posted By: gammies
Well just to let you all know that after I posted that last night I called my WS.
He's in SF on business. He answered his cell and he was in a bar and said I cant here ya....seeya. That was I guess around 7 their time. I called back at 2am their time. He said he couldnt here me and went into the bathroom so he could hear the phone and talk which he preceded to be pissed off and rude to me. I reminded him of our agreement when he goes out for business that he calls and texts then calls when he gets back. I left him 6 very nice please call me texts at 1:30, 2:00 AND ON to please call me. No calls no texts. So I am done and its not that I think he was cheating....its the behavior.


Go over the Operation Investigage forum and use some other snooping techniques.

Once you find out for sure that he is having an A, you can fight it and end it. Until then you are in limbo. Please look at a keylogger, a VAR, a GPS, etc. You can even hire a P.I.

You don't need to give up now, but you do need to act.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
G
gammies Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 35
Thanks for the advise but I cant do it anymore.

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Hi there,
I know it seems impossible right now but it's not, this is a step by step process, a slow road to recovery, if you want to save the marriage stay around and get that help, follow the plan and you will at least have a shot.......
Right now the most important thing to find out is if the affair is happening...
Then you fight it with a good thought out calm plan...........
In any marriage one partner has to be the stronger one for a time, this is your time. Don't take anything your husband says to heart, it could be affair fog babble. Look that up, something very common in affairs.........
You can have your self pity party later, right now you have work to do..........


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,490
Originally Posted By: gammies
Thanks for the advise but I cant do it anymore.


It's up to you but honestly, you're kind of an anger high (and rightfully so) right now.

Just know that he is like every other wayward out there. And despite the cruelty they can display during an affair, with the right steps it CAN be reversed and your M can be better than ever.

In case you change your mind. smile


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 24 guests, and 69 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ella Paradis, Lethabo, Livn1dayAtaTime, widup, Reggg
71,683 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,528
Posts2,322,563
Members71,682
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5