Today, 19 years ago, Bampot and I started dating.

Oh Scotty, I am so sorry that you are having to face these reminders. I understand how hard it is; I have no great words of advice.
But know that you are a strong woman, know that there are so many people on here and IRL that care about you, know that you can be proud of who you are and what you stand for.

Scotty, I'm sorry about your bad day yesterday and your struggles to not look at OW's FB page. Please don't beat yourself up about a few breaks in your nearly impeccable Plan B.

I know you didn't like seeing her (if I saw Dumpy, I'd have to be hospitalized!), but I bet she didn't like seeing you, either. The 85-lbs.-lighter-and-more-confident-you had to make her feel bad about herself. Had to.

Hey Scotty,
Just checking in and making sure all is ok in scottyland.

You coulda just checked on FB.

DS8 got the flu on Sunday and it lasted until Thursday, when it decided DS10 and I were better hosts for it. It hasn't been a great week at Scotty's place.

Other than that, nothing much has been happening. Still trying to read Harry Potter as much as I can, while taking care of the kiddos and keeping up with people here.

HopeandGrace has me on a mission to figure out what I want to do, career wise. MF has my head still spinning about my M and Bampot BEFORE the A. Sometimes, when I think about things, I actually start to cry, remembering the good things about Bampot and how I don't have those anymore. But, at least I have those memories. That I don't regret.

I watched P.S. I Love You last night. One of my new FAVE movies ATM. I never realized that I was a romantic person before.

You know that is my neice's fave movie and she made me sit and watch it with her. I cried my eyes out mainly when I saw it (I was dating my H early-on at the time) b/c Gerard Butler looks like Darth (my xh).

But the meaning of the movie to me was that it is ok to let go. It is ok you remember those wonderful things, because that was who your HUSBAND was. Bampot is somebody else. He is not the same man he was, sadly.

It is now up to the man known as Bampot decides the character known as Bampot must go, and he realizes he was better as the husband, that is fine and his duty now.

You are Scotty. A brave, wonderful, lovely mother and friend. You're still who you are, but a bit more strong, loving, and resilient woman who isn't afraid to walk thru fire for those she loves. Unlike bampot, you are STILL the same woman, but a slightly better version now.

That's at least how I saw things with me, when Darth (the man now he is, formerly known as my ex husband) went down what I'd call a path of no return.

Bampot isn't there yet. But that's not your deal right now. YOUR healing and having a fabulous recovery and doing things now for you and your family is what is at hand right now.

And yea, if it were me, I'd have a fabulous photo taken of the slimmer sexier you and it'd be up there for the world to see on FB! You can guaran=damn-tee that the ow will be lookin'. Know you shouldn't worry about that..but bet the bampotster would too.

They can't see on FB. They have been BLOCKED. I sometimes wonder if my MIL shares some pics of the kids that I have on FB. I can't control that.

Thanx Peachy, it's good to know that I AM on the right track. There were a few things in the movie that I thought about. There was some good advice on there, even for me. I have actually watched it 4 times since Bampot left. Last night, it had the most meaning for me, now.

Sorry about the flu, but glad you are all on the mend. Funny I never think to check FB for updates. I try not to be on there too often, if I am then I am tempted to check SS's status.
I am glad to hear you are considering career options, personally I think you would be great at teaching or counseling! It will be a great journey to embark on.

85 lbs lost!!! REALLY??? Girl you are MY new hero. Rock that look, now!!!

Thanx GF, I still have more to go, but dang I look so much better.

I have a confession, and I can't remember if I confessed this already(don't worry everyone, it's not about Plan B). I am now a JEAN addict. For the longest time, I didn't own jeans. After losing the weight, I now own about 6 pairs. And every time I see new ones, I just WANT them. They do look GOOD. HAHAHAHA I think I need to attend JA.

One more recovery day from the flu. Scotty land needs a good cleanup, but it'll have to wait until I can bend over, and stand up without feeling like I am going to pass out. That's the problem with having one well kid running round when the rest of us are sick, he makes a real mess.

Friday night, around 1030pm, DS8 woke up. He went to get a drink but we had run out of milk, and me not being able to go out due to sick kids, I couldn't replace it. Apparently, he felt it was the only thing he wanted to drink(could be worse, ya know). My dad called me to ask if I needed a ride to work on Sat. I told him I didn't need to work on Sat. Then he heard DS8 crying about the milk. So he came over and brought milk and cookies. He said that milk always needs cookies(a real GRANDPA thing to say, dontcha think?). DS8 was HAPPY. Gotta love my dad.

This brings me to an update on my parents. I am trying to stay out of their marriage, since I can see that they are heading for a disaster if they continue this way. My dad tried to confide in me his frustration. My mom keeps trying to complain to me, about my dad, but it drives me NUTS. I again told her that she should come on here and give MB a shot.

She said that my dad always thinks that she is going to leave again. I tell her that of course he does. Then, I told her that she keeps thinking that he doesn't want her there. She admitted to that. Then, she made me so angry yesterday. She brought up the "counselor" that they went to see. Obviously, this counselor knows NOTHING about saving marriages. It is evident because my wayward mom LOVES this woman. She latched on to things that this woman said and repeats them over and over again. How the woman doesn't believe my dad will ever forgive my mom, with all of his anger(really? does she not think he SHOULD be angry?). I told my mom, that from reading on here, I know that it is perfectly NORMAL for my dad to be angry 6-12 months after she moved back home.

I don't know if she has been in contact with OM, she stopped telling my sister and I long ago. I wouldn't be surprised though. She is worried that OM will never find someone again. She is worried that OM will die alone. I think OM is a loser, and I could really care less what happens to him. I just don't understand a wayward mind. And I'm not trying to figure it out.

You know, I have given thought to becoming a MB certified MC. I will add it to my list. It's not at the top, but it is up there.

Scotty,
You'll do well with anything you decide you want to do. Obviously you are dedicated and have the discipline to excel at any job or career. You have met some life experiences that will make most any job challenges appear to be very manageable. Any employer will be very fortunate to have you on their staff; again regardless of the field.

Opt

I'm catching up on your thread. You are doing great. Just keep heading in the right direction. And congrats on the weight loss. YOU are FABULOUS. Just think how JEALOUS OW was when she say you at the bus stop looking all skinny and such. And Bampot? What an idiot. That's what I say about D!ck now days. What an idiot.

And as for the "what if they get engaged" thought? Who freakin cares. D!ck and Bimbo are engaged and have been for a while. (She text me that she didn't care how long the D process lasted because she has her engagement ring to keep admiring.)

Talk about added pressure. Marriage to you and I does not mean the same thing for the OW-hos. Marriage to them means "winning" as in the Charlie Sheen rants. "Winning" means talking the "prize" regardless of the consequences and the bloodied bodies left on the side of the road. OW care nothing about us or our kids or the family they destroyed.

Scotty -- we need to keep our families together. To keep being the people we were -- we ARE -- for our kids sake and OUR sake. Keep doing the right thing. Keep parenting. Keep believeing in justice. Keep PRAYING. The influence of OW in our WHs lives is toxic to THEM. THEY need to see this. And the longer it continues, the more I SEE that WE are doing the right thing. We just have to keep our head above water.

Remind me -- has either of you filed yet? If not, do what you can to stock pile money and gift cards. If he's paying the credit card bills, add on a $25 gift card when you go to Target or the grocery store. ANYTHING will help in the long run.

I pulled quite a few money bunnies out of my hat over the past two years. My motto -- outwit, outplay, outlast. It's a game and you have to strategize sometimes.

Keep doing what you're doing, Scotty. YOU are FABULOUS in your jeans and all. Try to always look your sexy best because you never know when WH's car will drive by you again. Next time -- BLOW HIM A KISS. lol.

Wow, wow, WOW! I'm new here and I spent all of Thursday & Friday reading through this thread. Scotland, you are an incredible lady and a true inspiration. I cried and cried for you while reading and can only imagine the pain you have/are experiencing. Makes my situation seem tamed. My WH had an EA with an ex-GF. I caught it really quick (was going on for little over a month). I put the hammer down strait away. Shined the light and watched the roaches scatter.

In my favor was mine & WH's relationship with both side of our families. We are all very close. His parents and mine are still married to their original partners for many years and family is very important to all. Plan A thankfully didn't take long. We are in R right now. I just found this site so I'm adding Dr. Harley's curriculum to what we are currently doing. It may even surpass it since I think it's a better plan of action. Of course WH is on monitored status still. Eyes are everywhere unbeknownst to WH.

God Bless you and your children and I pray your WH comes out of his fog.

Holy, thanx for the advice. No, neither of us have filed yet. Our money is separate now though, he pays what I asked for in my Plan B letter. I'm getting by, but it seems Bampot is not too happy with the financial sitch. He often tells DSx2 that "they"(him and the boys) don't have much food because he doesn't have a lot of money. Also, he would mention the times I would take the boys out to eat. He was mad, but i get to do with my money what I see fit, he gets no say. And if he wants more money, he should come home and stop trying to support two households. It's just a part of his consequences.

So, I am going to wait at a different bus stop from now on. They drove past me again this morning, although I was prepared for that possibility this time. I wasn't caught off-guard, and actually was "watching" for them. It wasn't until I got to work that I decided my new plan of action. I will walk further and wait at a different stop, one that he can't "accidentally" drive past. I don't know if they saw me, but I saw them, and it was enough to knock me off my good mood.

On Thursday, I saw the original IMs. I had to send some mail to them for Bampot, from the government. She told me that he still hasn't picked it up. It was supposed to be returned to the government by Feb28th. I think, and I am just throwing it out there, since that's my style , that Bampot thinks it is D papers and that's why he hasn't gone to get them. He thinks that I would have waited for a year to file, but he doesn't realize that I could have filed day 1. Silly silly wayturd.

Lately, I have been getting quite mad at Bampot. I have actually WANTED to move on, get a boyfriend and make him jealous. That ISN'T something I am going to do, so don't worry about me. I am just throwing it out there to let others know that these feelings are normal and that you don't have to stoop to that level.

It is so tiring sometimes when I hear people talk about affairs. I heard the, "Obviously, if someone stooped so low as to have an affair, they weren't happy in their marriage." I said, "You might think that, but that's not really what it is. It all boils down to weak boundaries." Being on here, knowing what I know, it is sometimes hard to remember what "normal" people think. Just putting the good out in the universe and hoping it grows somewhere. you never know.

That's how I feel about my WH, too, Scotty. If he has to pay me spousal support and child support (I'll find out on the 14th), he's going to have to work a lot of overtime in order to maintain his big spender status with Dumpy. Back child support, paying for an expensive divorce, and having to pay thousands more in taxes this year are going to take a financial hit on him that he will dearly feel. I have no pity. I'm loving it.

I've considered doing this, too, but it would negate my complaint of adultery for the divorce. Also, I'm not ready to move on, just ready for someone to appreciate me. I want that someone to be WH. I miss him so much.

I think my WH's insecurities (about looks and personal value) led him to be particularly vulnerable to flattery and pursuit. That's what caused his boundaries to be so weak. I know that the rest of the world, even some people I'm related to by marriage, think that if I'd been a better wife, he wouldn't have strayed. I now know better.

H&G, I don't know if you understand how HUGE it is for me to even consider "dating" someone else. Sometimes, I get MAD at Bampot for that. That's not what I wanted for my life. I was supposed to be with him, FOREVER. This wasn't what I wanted for my life and I was so completely "into" him that I couldn't even imagine being with someone else, EVER. I actually discussed that on this thread.

Sometimes, it comes out in a way that I would LOVE to have Bampot see me with someone else. That it would HURT him. I dunno if it would or not, he might not care, but that's where it comes from. It's most likely my TAKER YELLING at me.

I have decided that living a SPECTACULAR life, without him, is where my focus needs to be. I am a work in progress, but at least I am progressing and not crumbling.

Last Tuesday, while I was talking to my dad, I said, "You know when the moment will be when Bampot wants to come back to me right?" He said, "The moment you don't want him to anymore." I said, "Yep. And that scares me." It does.

I am going to listen to some music and watch a movie. I need to get a little "lift" today.

Of course I understand how huge it is--it's huge for me, too. Thirty-two years of marriage and then all of my assumptions about my life and the love of my life are taken away by an unrepentant WH. I think I've thought about moving on because he filed for divorce. Whereas before I only allowed myself to believe/hope that this nonsense would end soon, now I'm forced to think about a future without him--I need to accept that he may never come back and that I may not want him if he does.

Do you remember my threads? How devastated I was and how unable I was to go to Plan B because I still wanted to be in contact with him? Agony, pure agony. It's not what any of us, in this club no one wants to join, wanted.

Hugs to you, Scotty. There are better days ahead, but it's like waiting for Christmas--if only we could predict our own futures! If we knew, one way or another, how this would end, it wouldn't be so traumatizing to endure.

Enjoy your evening.

I know that you understand. I was talking about how it was for ME. I was just letting you see, that recovery, while it is a slow and long process, DOES happen. It will happen for you too.

I do remember your threads. I remember yelling at my computer screen when you would post certain things. I KNOW that it is harder for you. I never thought that I would be divorced but I ALWAYS said that if I were to get divorced, that I wouldn't date again. I am NO WHERE near ready to date(even if I got a quicky D TOMORROW) but what I AM doing is actually seeing myself with someone else. Seeing the possibility. Of course, right now, that vision still has Bampot in my future, but now I see that it COULD be someone else. Progress. Steps in the right direction. That is my mission and my goal.

HnG and Scotty,

I went thru this exactly during my separation and time until the D was final. It was excruciating b/c I was a married woman, who acted and lived as if she was married, although living as a single mom and alone (except for my child).

If it helps, YES your WH's will regret everything and it is true..when you do not want them they do return. And if they are indeed single, then you can decide ON YOUR OWN TERMS what you want.

I remember the first time I was actually single and on a date. I felt as though I was actually cheating. It felt odd to move on. But you do and you take baby steps when it is time. You both will know if and when to move on or not too.

And my xh got engaged to the pregnant ow well before our D was final. I remember struggling to pay any bill, having an eviction notice put on my front door at my rental home with my child, and hearing she had gotten a FOUR carat diamond ring. Grrrrr.

poor poor waywards. They complain about less money, losing assets which have to be divided, but it is THEIR FAULT. Let them own it. Never listen to crazy whining. My xh actually told the judge he couldn't afford to pay me the six months of back child support he owed me (I had barely begun to go back to work and was left with all the joint bills b/c he basically abandoned my son and I). Of course my attny found that he'd actually spent over 12k in Vegas and bought over 30k in furniture for his bachelor pad (our old house) and couldn't find the time to write me the child and spousal support check of 1,500.

And multiply that by 6 months, and me having to start all over again with a new job and only 32 hours a week employment.

I burned inside when I found out about her ring. I cried. I fumed. But it was all fake and it wasn't a real engagement at all. How the hell can you be engaged when legally married? Well maybe if you're Bill Paxton from Big Love or something, but the real world says this is borderline illegal.

They are now officially divorced. Yep. Happened recently. I still shake my head and wonder "why" he did all of this. If your WH's continue forward and never change or see the error of their ways, they are 100% bound on the same path that Darth is/was on. Future for them is written in stone.

Just know that God heals the deepest of wounds. He has risen the dead. He can heal a broken heart easily if He could raise Lazarus. In time all of this will make sense to you, but I sincerely pray that your WH do not ever get to the point that Darth did.

I heard a song on the radio that so reminded me of how I felt during that time of my life from one of my favorite bands. Maybe you can go listen to it. By Linkin Park. Called "Waiting for the End". Awesome song. I actually thought of both of you when I heard this.

I am going through the same thing also....as you guys...I am a married single woman...while WH is out living it up.

My WH was staying at his brothers condo for free and recently BIL has rented it out so WH moved in with his mother....WH was putting pressure on me saying I need to make some money because he shouldnt have to move in with his mother, he deserves a life too???!!!!!!!! What?!!!! I replied....well you had a "life" with your family, in a nice house, that you left...Now you are still living the "life" that you alone chose....living with your mother.....That IS your "life"....

I also said "why dont you just move in with your mistress?" "She has a good job and makes good money." I got no reply....see how bad I am at plan B...but we are not gonna get back together at this point anyway...

THEN....the lease was up on my care and his old crappy car was dying....so of course "I" needed to make money, according to him. He said if I didnt he would have to take money out of his 401k to pay for a car....I said "Do what you have to do to finance your new life with OW."....He said he was gonna leave me with the old crappy car....I said that was fine...but if it was gonna break down, then that wasnt fine..all I do with the car is drive DS around and go to the grocery store and a judge wouldnt find it to favorable if you are driving a new car and you leave your wife and son in a dangerous car....

He leased me a new car....Waywards love to threaten and scare you into doing what they want....but usually, not always, but usually, what is right prevails....I just REFUSE to work to pay for HIS single life.....I Just cant do it, I cant....WH and his Pig make good money, let them figure it out!!!!!!