But I'm scared of identifying details. It's a colorful story and this is a small town. Would anyone be willing to talk to me through PM? I typed out the whole story just now, I just have to copy and paste it from Word.

Sorry for the paranoia...desperate to not become a BW (but may already be).

Yeah, but this is a big internet, southeast. Go ahead and post what you've written. Just make sure to leave out any identifiers like names and cities.

(You'd be surprised how similar your story will sound, surrounded by all the other stories here.)

Go ahead, you don't have to be fearful. Just eliminate any references to the actual location. They won't be able to tell the difference.

You're right mb, I guess I don't have anything to lose.

Here it is! Sock it to me.

I�m not sure what to do.
My husband and I got married in the fall after a fast, whirlwind courtship. It�s both of our second marriage.
When I met him I was astounded that I could meet someone who embodied SO MANY of my ENs � namely affection, conversation, having things in common and SF. He�s adoring, puts me on a huge pedestal, takes care of my every want or whim. In fact I always would tell him he was �too good to be true.�

Before we met I was sure I would never meet anyone that I was extremely attracted to, who was smart and successful, and meets and exceeds all my needs.
Everything was great the first few months of our relationship. Then warning signs started to creep in but I was too enamored to really see the problem.

First he started lying to me about doing drugs. He was getting high once every few weeks, and as soon as I would get home I could tell. Then I would confront him and he would lie. This happened maybe 4 times over a span of 3 months. I should mention that HONESTY is extremely important to me, more than many other qualities.

A couple months ago he and I were supposed to go out together to a concert. That day I woke up feeling sick and it was the last thing I wanted to do, so I suggested he call his buddy. The buddy comes to pick my husband up, and my husband went to the bathroom before they left. When he came out, I could tell he was on drugs. I told him I knew, and basically said bye, see you later tonight.

He didn�t come home that night. Apparently he consumed tons of alcohol and didn�t want to come home and �fight� because he knew I was �mad� (about the drugs). He never admitted to the drugs and denied up and down. After that night of him not coming home I installed eblaster onto his phone. I just wanted to see if he was being honest about no more drugs in the future. I decided I don�t want to waste time in a marriage that�s going to be doomed from the start due to dishonesty. I just wanted to know exactly what I was dealing with.

During these last 8+ months, we have been talking and exploring sexual fantasies we have. One of his was that I would have sex with another girl and he would watch. At first I tried to be open because I wanted him to have the experience, but my own personal beliefs got in the way so I put the kibosh on that (and any future sex involving anyone but the two of us). I�m pretty �vanilla� as far as other people joining our sex life and I am proud to be. Sex is only good when it�s between two monogamous people in my opinion. And it�s damaging to be done any other way.

A few weeks ago we�re out on a date and he says he thinks it would be awesome to have another couple to hang out with, and maybe have sex in front of too. I didn�t make a huge deal about it because I didn�t want to ruin our night. I was simply neutral. Well the next day I start seeing Gmail emails where he created an address and Craigslist ads which he posted seeking another couple for hanging out together and �anything else that might happen.� I monitor these, shocked and alarmed, and see that he�s sending pictures. I start to freak out inside about the prospect of someone else seeing naked pics of me. Unfortunately, I couldn�t see the pictures because of eblaster, but I did confirm on his computer later when I checked it, that he had sent a topless photo of me.

I found his CL ad and made up a story about my friend showing me one, and I happened across his and I can tell it�s his writing. Well, he admits it. Says he just wants to see what�s out there. But doesn�t admit sending pics of me, in fact denies that up and down. I make it extremely clear that I am NOT interested in doing anything sexually with anyone else present except for us. He understands. It takes me a few days to get over this hurt but I do, like every other time. Despite knowing he sent out pics of me and lied to me about it.

Last night he tells me that he�s been fantasizing about being with a man for awhile � like his whole life. I�m the first person he�s felt comfortable and open enough with to share this with. I�m turned off by this. He wants to �experience everything� and he would only do it with me present. I�m sickened by the idea of my husband having sex with someone else, man or woman, in front of me or not. I have jealousy issues as it is. This morning we discuss it more. I say what if you like that better than me? He says nothing compares to your soft warm body. I ask has he posted any ads or thought about posting any. He says no, he hasn�t thought about it.

Then he leaves for the day, and I go on an errand and come back home and log into my email to see what�s happening on eblaster. Guess what, a new Gmail address has just been created. And, it looks like he forwarded himself some emails from the ad he posted seeking the couple for both of us. Like maybe he�s going to contact those people again and see if the man wants to hook up? I have no idea.

I�m at the point where I just want to tell him I see everything he does, and I am not going to be in a relationship where one person is doing stuff behind the other�s back, to �see what�s out there.� I deserve a lot more than that.

I�m not sure what to do. He doesn�t know about the eblaster, and seeing this stuff makes me want to lay it all on the table that I know everything. What good does it do knowing about this stuff and having to just sit with it? It makes me really bitchy toward him because he�s being so dishonest. Tonight he�ll come home and I�ll know he posted an ad and I won�t be able to let on. It�s just bad on so many levels.

He hasn�t, to my knowledge, actually met anyone in person, but that doesn�t matter. He�s LOOKING INTO IT. Even if he came home tonight and said �I found a man I want to try this with�, things would still be totally messed up. I am not ok with this and I have told him that.

I guess I�m looking for hope that this marriage can be saved. I don�t want to waste time in a marriage that doesn�t have a chance. I just want love, honesty, and a wonderful partnership. I stayed wayyyy too long in my first marriage and I won�t be making that mistake again. As timing would have it, I am phasing out of my current job to start my own business. Things are super tight as it is right now. The timing of this is not good! I can ask my parents for money but that is an absolute last resort.

the strange thing is - this whole morning he's been acting wayyyyy more in love with me than normal. We usually have a great exchange, but today he's really laying it on thick. Is this so I don't suspect something? I'm new to all this.

he has a highly addictive personality, and has always lived life "on the edge" and taken a ton of risks. I'm a lot more mellow. I like things to be "easy going" while he likes them to be exciting and intense, all of the time.

We need some more info but first, no...what he's doing is NOT ok.

You said this is a second marriage for both...why did each of your first marriages end, and were you both fully divorced when you began dating?

Do you have any children?

How old are you both?

I'm 30, he's 39. We have no kids together; he has a 4 year old from his marriage. He has custody every other weekend and one afternoon per week.

I was married to a guy I dated in high school and it should have stopped there, but we lived together and marriage seemed like the "next step." We never should have gotten married in the first place, but I was young and stupid. We were together for 13 years, married for 5. I was fully divorced when I met my current husband. I had zero of my emotional needs being met by my first. We were basically roommates.

He was married for only 4 months, and basically he was used as a baby making machine for his ex. They didn't have a good foundation - there wasn't much love there from what I can gather. They were fully divorced before we met.

Thanks for answering the questions.

Basically ~ NO, what he is doing is not ok. I don't see the point of all the intel you have if you aren't going to use it and confront him. He is pressuring you (or going to) into doing something that is against your moral code ~ not ok.

As I see it, your options are to confront him and demand that he stop, since this is the beginning of a type of "affair". If he refuses, separation would be your next step, IMO.

I guess once I tell him I know everything, I'm worried he'll get the program taken off his phone and I will be completely in the dark to any other future issues. What about that potential problem?
Thanks, MarriedForever.

Don't tell him you have e-blaster on his phone, just tell him that you have seen the emails.

If you have a shared computer and/or access to his phone, that would be easy.