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My MIL keeps telling me to hang in there for the 3 counseling sessions, she says ww is just lying to herself. That sounds great but i dont know if i believe it or not. I just want to call lawyer and go for full custody and get this female dog out of my life at the moment. But society probably wont see it that way. maybe im seeing things the wrong way but i need to vent.
She sent me a message earlier "your never just going to let me go are you".
It struck a big nerve.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Don't even reply to that, let her wonder.
Me = BH
DDay Dec. 2010
D filed Oct 2011 (by me)
D final 3/16/12
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oh i told her she could have a d tomorrow, she would just have to hand the kids over to me. She said i will never come home to u and i will never leave the kids. what a f'ing mess
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 4,653
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Yeah, I wouldn't count on her giving you full custody--or a court granting you that unless there is something really bad going on with her to make her unfit--drug abuse, etc.
Does she have a vision of OM replacing you with the kids and her family? That is, OM going to holidays to her parents house, etc. I'd certainly get her parents involved to dissuade her of that, if you haven't already done so. Her family is going to be your best weapon if you even want her back now.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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..Does she have a vision of OM replacing you with the kids and her family? That is, OM going to holidays to her parents house, etc. I'd certainly get her parents involved to dissuade her of that, if you haven't already done so. Her family is going to be your best weapon if you even want her back now. From what I gathered when LostM had the convo with POSOM he wasn't interested in WW, and he broke it off right after. This sleaze is not man enough to carry the clothesbasket, and he doesn't want to either. I don't think he ever plans to see WW parents. WW would have to live with OM in some fantasy world, and OM is a POS, and she will see it someday, when he treats her like one too. Lets hope its pretty soon. Have you spoke to a lawyer about your chances of getting the kids and house, if it comes down to it? Do you have your Inlaws support after 3 sessions or a certain time limit?
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Lost - You just need to reframe that a little with her the next time. Tell her that you believe in her, your family and your marriage. I told my WW that I'm a pretty easy going guy, but when you reach my core principles I will fight for what I believe in. I believe in her, DS, my family and my marriage. Bottomline, she knows I'm entrenched in my position and that I will not give up or give in, in the foreseable future.
..just my 2 cents worth..
BS(me)- 45
WW - 41
D-day 1 - (PA) 01/2011
DS - 6
Exposure: early 02/2011
Started Plan B - 7/11
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Family and friends are really kicking in for me right now. they are giving me so much support it would make you cry. Im trying my best to keep at this and they are helping so much. One day at a time.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 4,653
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It's really good that her family is in on this with you. So many times they just shrug their shoulders and stick their heads in the sand. I hope they keep the heat up on your wife as they can do so much more than you can at this point.
I remember telling my WW once, in the worst of it, that I wished that she would just leave, disappear and never come back. To just leave the kids with me and not look back. That I would raise them right. Surprisingly, it ticked her off big time. In her foggy mind, she took that to mean that I was threatening to take them away from her which was so stupidly ironic that it would have been funny if she wasn't so serious.
I forget--is the vehicle that she is driving titled in your name?
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Family and friends are really kicking in for me right now. they are giving me so much support it would make you cry. Im trying my best to keep at this and they are helping so much. One day at a time. Yeah remember boys don't cry, but men do.
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Having family stick up for you in a nightmare can be a very humbling experience--it was in my case. Makes you rethink what you really value in life.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Everything is titled in both names. Makes it hard to take it away.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 2
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Ironic that I should read that post now, I was just thinking about a time when my family banded together behind me during an extremely messy break-up.
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If it's titled in both of your names, then it's as much yours as hers. It's a pickup, right? Well, maybe you need it this weekend for something around the house. Then just don't give it back, stall and say you still need it for something.
What's she going to do? Say you stole your own truck? Let her rent a car or call a cab.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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thats funny north. You have to pick your battles you know that one.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 393
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Its been a rough day for me at work. I had friends take me out last night and we had a good time, but then i had to go home and reality crash down even further upon me. This chick is lifeless to me and its just flat getting me today. I asked her if she even thinks about coming home and making things right and she says no she wants a job and her own place. I feel as if im in a canoe and my job is to paddle across the ocean in a day.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 6,352
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Sometimes "recovery" is defined by "dissolution".
NOT the solution we all wish for, but occasionally the optimum of two or more LOUSY outcomes.
Regardless, there is NOTHING you're going to do to affect it today. It will play out to its own schedule, and you'll have decisions to make as they arise.
PREPARE, don't ANTICIPATE.
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i have no expectations and i have been preparing myself for the worse and hope for the best. Some days are good and some are bad but today seems worse than bad. I feel as it was the first day this hit the fan. Its a roller coaster that's for sure. I know there is absolutely nothing i can do at the moment, but damn i wish there was.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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Posts: 691
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I feel for you because she should be taking care of your kids. We both have large young families and that makes it all the harder.
Married 1/2000.
D-Day 3/7/11. WH moved in with OW and they married in 2013.
Single mom of 4.
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LostMan101 Just wondering if I can ask a few questions. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Are you, her parents, or other friends or relatives providing any type of support to your WW in any way. I am talking money, vehicle, insurance, food, pretty much anything what so ever? Do you totally understand this article? What is Plan A & Plan BJust curious. Tell me to butt out if I am too nosy. nESRE
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The only thing she has from me is my pos truck. nothing else. Today is the first day i let her stay with the kids while i work. Hands are tied there sorry MB, no more vacation and i have to pay bills. We have our first counselor session today together and i have little hope there, but were are going none the less.
I guess miracles do happen, just haven't seen one yet.
Last edited by lostman101; 03/18/11 09:48 AM.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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