And you as well.

That's 'cause when God said "Let there be light," she hit the switch!...

*scurries away*

Check, check and check. You nailed it.

Oh... crap.

Let's see, I can definitely be;

A people pleaser, quite possibly a renter (though it's the years of lousy sacrifice that fits more), and a conflict avoider.

The only thing that kept me from straying was full recognition that I was vulnerable to it, and ownership of that fact. I coupled that with forward thinking, and realizing that my actions would definitely affect my W as well as my feelings for my W.

However, none of that stopped me from withering and withdrawing.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo, none of it is good.

Wow. This thread has been great, thus far. Pep, you are truly a gift to the board.

So, if I can chime in... to what extent do you think ignorance has to do with the beginning of an A? Ignorance on how romantic love is created, and ignorance regarding the normal ups and downs of marriage.

My W stated specifically during the A, that she needed to keep seeing POSOM to "figure out whether her feelings were real or not" (and of course they "were real" after she spent more and more time with him). I know at the time she really meant that, but I wonder if now she's still using that as justification so she doesn't have to delve inward and face the real betrayal of self she initiated.

Oh, and on betraying God... my W and I went to church together a few weeks ago for the first time since her A. She was so uncomfortable, and literally squirmed in her seat so much, a lady in the pew behind us gently put a hand on her shoulder and said "Are you all right, dear?" WW had to leave several times to "use the restroom." My siblings joked that she had to stay away from church, because she'd probably burst into flames as soon as she walked in. Hehe.

Ooh, I'd say quite a bit in many cases. I'd say ignorance/immaturity can certainly be a factor. If you throw poor or nonexistent boundaries into the mix, you've got a recipe for disaster.


We know feelings are mutable. We know basing actions solely on feelings is what got us all here in the first place, (whether as the perpetrators or the victims). Who was your W during the A? Was she a noble, morally upright, good person? Were her feelings the feelings of someone right with themselves and God and the rest of the world? We all know the answer is no. Why would she want to hold onto that as "real" or "true" or however she may be thinking of it? If your W is using her "real feelings" as justification for her affair, I hope she learns that no matter how real they were, they didn't make her affair okay, and that there are fundamental issues she needs to address to prevent anything like that happening again.

I'm not a wise one here, but those are my thoughts.

HUGE! Ignorance is not bliss.

"feelings are real" always cracks me up

Feelings just ARE.
They have no IQ.
They have no reality.

For example:

People can have unfounded fears.
Fear that a small innocent spider might chase them down the hall and BITE them!

Their feeling of fear is damn real Skippy!
Their heart pounds.
Their palms sweat.
All the real feelings one could hope for.
But, that real fear is not a fact.
The fact is that no little spider will chase someone down the hall to bite them.
Spiders mostly want to be left alone.

ALL feelings are real.
No feeling has an IQ.








That image is from the "Burning Man" event, in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada

My WH was my "godparent" as I was preparing for my baptism.
The entire time he was supposed to be my spiritual mentor, he was screwing OW and drinking more alcohol as a result.

This was just "one of" my major beefs after D day.
I felt my baptism had been tainted.
My Deacon Jack (God love the Irish Deacons) straightened me out.
He told Mr Pep ( and this is a direct quote ) "You're a jack-ask."
Only he did not say ask. Yanno?

This is a very legitimate fear. Spiders are evil. Very very very evil.