Helpful link.

why don't you start with this...

tell us why you can't leave your job and why you can't tell your husband.

I would like to point out that people at work know what you're doing. These are the first rumors to spread around an office, a company. Someone saw you together in the parking garage or having lunch or holding hands in the elevator or noodling in his car, etc. And that person told 1 other person and so on. No doubt OM bragged to a buddy about his sexual conquest and that spread too. Believe it - AFTER TWO YEARS EVERYONE HAS KNOWN ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR FOR AT LEAST 18 MONTHS. GUARANTEED.

Chances are the woman will not return to MB under this name.
However, this thread is AWESOME and any LURKERS are blessed to receive all this information.

KUDOS to the MB community!

I am truly blown away by the absurdity.

You find him sexually irresistible, are afraid you will continually fail, but believe you can continue to work with him after ending the affair.

Your husband is a good man and doesn't deserve this, but you place him lower on your priority list than your career AND the other man's feelings.

You cannot imagine leaving your husband, but you can imagine boinking some tall, older man in the break room at work.

Do you see the incredible selfishness your post is displaying?

If you leave this post you are just running a way from the truth. Take your beating and open your eyes and your heart.

Fog translation:
More selfishness and deception is the only option for me. My H's feelings aren't a factor. Can you support me?

I don't know how much more foggy you can get.

I agree, I don't think she will be back!

dont worry the words she had read on this forum will eat at her every time she see's her husband she will think of these words that she had read on this site.

She might never come back but she will NEVER be happy and poor husband has no clue that his wife is ruining his life.

OR

Her husband will be here and his topic will be "Cheating wife for 2 years with co-worker kicked her @$$ to the curb"

If you are still here why don't you take some advice from woman who had been in your shoes...here is my two cents worth as a FWW.

You will never be happy, unless the truth comes out, even if you think hiding it will make it better...it wont, it will just get worse. You came here for a reason, and I believe because you were not happy and you needed help. That is the first step, but unfortunately its not the step that will make you happy.

Good luck

She will be back...she probably wont respond though she is still thick in the fog and even US who has been in her shoes wont listen to our advise. It will though help others who are lurking

I just hope it's not too late where she ends up getting something from this guy and passes it to her husband because really she is putting her husband in DANGER!

Folks,

Can we please not call people names like W****, S*** and etc. This person did not sound like someone addicted to having random sex with multiple men but someone addicted to one person.

Allow people to be honest as well, OM1 was taller than myself and that was part of his appeal, some of us do benefit from hearing the unvarnished truth from the other side.

I hope to God this person comes to her senses on her own for the sake of her H and children, before this OM infects her with some STD.

I in no way approve of what she is doing btw.

God Bless
Gamma

As both me and my wife found out, having an A will eat away at your insides and destroy your soul. No affair feels good when you are lying awake at night, sleeping next to your spouse, wondering how you managed to destroy your life.

I don't understand what benefit there is in hearing this kind of babble. What, reasonably, can you do about your height?

And how about when he says (to me, the BS) that he got fed up of the way I stuffed things into cupboards and they fell out on him? Am I supposed to take that as a serious reason why he had an affair? Did he crawl into bed with OW because she kept her cupboards tidy?

He said that to me around the first D Day. Later, when I had lost a lot of love and wanted him gone, he told me that I was wonderful 6 ways to Christmas. Not only did he love me he said, but having had the cold water of exposure thrown upon his delicious, secret affair, he knew he had no respect for a woman that would sleep with another man (in her H's bed) while her husband worked hard to provide for her, and who would neglect her kids. Oh, she was beautiful and sexy (and I agree, having seen her photos) but so was I, and I had been faithful and devoted to him for two decades, and I thought being married and being a mother was a privilege. He was lucky to be married to a woman like me. A comparison between me and OW wasn't worth doing, he said, many months after D Day. In truth, she had behaved like a ho and a skank and I never had. How could I benefit from learning about why he wanted her?

He wanted her, and went with her, because she offered herself to him. He could have gutter sex with her and not have to pay the mortgage or put up with the boring in-laws or cut the hedge. That is the long and short of her appeal - she was a free ho. The only benefit I can gain from knowing that is to be sure that I will NEVER behave like that as a married woman (or a divorced one, God forbid).

How do we benefit from hearing the words of an entitled, unapologetic, spoilt, indulgent "it's all about me" attention addict shortly after D Day? The only benefit is learning how pathetic their rationalisations are, and learning how we are not in the same universe as the skanks with whom they defile their marriage vows.

No thanks. I pledge to continue to use accurate language when speaking to foghorns on this board. I don't care if she is putting out nookie to one guy or 50, it is all the same to me. If they don't like it, they can change their behavior. But I won't be changing my verbiage to accommodate those who are running from the truth. The very suggestion is offensive to ME.

Look, I am a former wayward who has been dealing with other waywards [alcoholics] in AA for 26 years. In order for a wayward to straighten up and recover, they have to GET HONEST with themselves. They won't get that way if the folks around them are not honest either. This is why foghorns gravitate to coddlers and non-caring individuals who will blow smoke up their backsides.

Waywards are always high on their own fantasies so it is real important to use very accurate language to WAKE THEM UP. If you want to see the end result of beating around the bush and whitewashing go over to gloryb or any of the other boards that coddle terrorists. They NEVER wake up. Which is why waywards, who are not sincere, seek out fellow coddlers.

They have gone to GREAT LENGTHS to minimize and rationalize their crimes, so it is SHOCKING for them to hear the realistic opinions of objective outsiders. They have been living inside of their own sick heads for so long that they are very disconnected from reality.

Many of these wayward wives, for example, have romanticized their filthy affairs and liken themselves to that tramp on Bridges of Madison County and other such trashy, low brow movies. They don't see it in a realistic light; they don't see that they are pigs in the pig pen.

It might be harsh, but it is what they need to hear. It is a cold splash of water to a fogged out person.

I have nothing but gratitude for the AA members who handed me my [censored] back in 1985 when I came into AA all full of fog and crap and self pity. They told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth, they didn't want to hear my bullcrap. I was talking crap and living the life of a degenerate, and thank GOD they cared enough to be honest with me. I needed someone to be honest with me since I WAS NOT.

And that is what I fully intend to offer to waywards and betrayed spouses alike who show up here. If anyone does not like that, please click on "notify" and report me to the moderators.

^^^^^
Excellent post! I agree. What is the point in Tiptoeing Through the Tulips?

I guess she didn't like the real TRUTH about her actions. She needs to come clean and leave the her "dream" job. So [censored] selfish. As for name-calling- "If the shoe fits..."

Thanks. I haven't visited this site for awhile due to the harsh comments, but I was glad to read your advice.

Were they more or less "harsh" than your actions against your husband? Was there anything said here that is as "harsh" as your actions? Even close?

So what have you done so far regarding the affair and your husband?
Like others said, when you chose to have an affair you put your job on the line. So if your dream job was so wonderful and you did not want to risk it, you should have thought twice about it. You do not want to risk losing your husband, that's another thing you should have thought twice about.

If your husband and marriage matters to you, quit your job and confess to him. Tell him everything he needs to know and answer all his questions openly and honestly. Go tested for STDs right away. And hope that he will give you a large gift and forgive you and be willing to work on the marriage. By cheating, you have given him a reason to walk away (the harsh reality that I have to face every day).

If you have not been open and honest with your husband, you are not doing anyone a favor. He should know what has happened and be allowed to be make his own decisions. You chose to have an affair and actions have consequences that we do not always like. In addition, you are putting yourself and him at risk of STDs.
You really should watch this video. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html

By the way I am a WW so I am not trying to be harsh or mean towards you just telling how it is from my view as WW.