I recently found out my husband has been sexting with several different people. He has also posted a personal ad on a website. When I confronted him he feels its not an affair and that he says it ok if I do the same thing. I feel this is an affair even though no physical contact occurred. I am not sure what to do but I am very hurt by his actions.

Welcome. I'm sorry you have to be here.

I'm not one of the local experts, so no advice, but they will want to know the following:

How old are you? How old is your wayward spouse (WS)? How long have you been married? How many children? Is this a first marriage?

Background information will help them give better advice.

Hi jayhawker, welcome to Marriage Builders. There are several issues your post brings up. The first is the inappropriate behavior your husband (H) is displaying. The second is his reaction to your disapproval.

Both of these are serious issues. You have come to the right place, and help is available here. You must do some things first, in order to get the best possible help.

The first thing you must do, if you haven't already, is to familiarize yourself with the basic concepts (see my sig for a link). We also use a lot of abbreviations and acronyms (again, see my sig for a link). These will help you communicate with posters trying to help.

You should also provide us with some background information, as Kirby has mentioned. Your ages, how long married, children, previous issues, and that sort of thing will help put things into perspective.

I can tell you that no one who finds himself or herself here ever wanted to be here. But this is the best club nobody wants to join!

Hang in there, help is on the way!

Jayhawker: these behaviors are not appropriate in a marriage. What kind of ad did he post?

W:40
WH: 40
Married 21 years
DD:20 DS:17 DD:13 DS:10
First marriage, married at age 18

We have had issues with money through our marriage and in the romance department. His mother passes away two years ago and that has changed him. He is now on several medication and one is an anti-depressant. I am the primary bread winner and do work over time when I can.

He placed a personal ad and said it was just to talk with people cause I'm never around. When I am off work we are together. We do stuff as a family but not much as a couple.

jayhawker, one of the crucial components of a happy marriage -- and even more so to one in jeopardy -- is Undivided Attention, often abbreviated here: UA.

Dr. Harley recommends 15 hours per week -- 20 hours or more for couples attempting to recover or build their marriages!

UA is not "watching TV together," minding the kids, attending soccer practice, or routine stuff. It's dedicated time a husband and wife put aside where they give each other -- you guessed it -- undivided attention.

You might want to get a copy of the book His Needs, Her Needs. The best way UA works is when the two of you have each identified your top Emotional Needs (EN) and work to meet them.

You might also want to read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA), the Policy of Radical Honesty, and this article, "How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage."