And you, MrsW! This is the second time this foreigner has got one over on you today!

Don't do it again!

Also, laying in bed last night I had a thought. I think Steve (marriage builders, whomever) should host a "couples retreat" or something so that we can put a face with a name and meet all of the people who give good advice. They could hold little seminars just to help enforce the "guidelines" and keep a couple on the right track once a year. I think it would be a great idea! Sorry...totally random, just throwing it out there.

I believe the MBW are now extinct....in it's place is the DVD program.

...I got the OM out of my mind and started focusing on my husband and his wounds and it wasn't nearly as hard as I had anticipated. ...

When discussing EPs, Dr. Harley addresses that the following areas need to change:

A) Blocking all communication with Affair Partners (AP�s)
B) Accounting for all of your time
C) Accounting for all money
D) Spending your leisure time with your wife.

EP�s are put into place to protect your spouse.

Protection = Care

EP�s are also designed to ELIMINATE the opportunity to have a secret second life.

Ok, so let�s talk about two different categories you need to create in your list of EP�s.

The first category is a list of one-time EPs that you will need to make sure you complete quickly.

The second category is a list of EPs that you will follow for a lifetime.

So let�s start with the first category items.

(what follows are SUGGESTIONS, remember this is going to be YOUR list)


A) Change cell phone number and give password & account access to your spouse.
B) Change email account.
C) Eliminate all social networking accounts (i.e., Face book, Classmates, My Space, etc.)
D) Take a polygraph
E) Make a copy of my vehicle keys and any other keys my spouse does not have and give to them (i.e., safe deposit boxes, business keys, storage cabinets/lockers, etc.)
F) List out passwords for all business and personal computer logins, and any other passwords my spouse does not have access to.
G) Give my spouse access to any banking/financial accounts, business and personal.
H) Install software that tracks all internet use, giving my spouse administrative access.
I) Install a webcam/security cameras for while at work that my spouse can access.
J) I will contact an attorney that will work on my spouse�s behalf and write a post-nuptial agreement.
K) Sell the house/purchase a new one.
L) Sell any vehicle AP was in and replace them.

Some of these things you may have already done. But these are one time things that you set up and they stay this way with little or no maintenance.

Include completed items on this list as well as items still in process on your list.
_________________________
tst

Category #2 is a little more along the lines of EPs that you need to maintain on a continuous, consistent basis.

A) I will protect my spouse and their feelings above all else.
B) I will not participate in any one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex.
C) I will not discuss my personal marriage issues with anyone of the opposite sex.
D) I will not attend clubs, strip joints, or any such establishment
E) I agree to use POJA as a basis for all decisions.
F) I will be open and honest with my spouse at all times about the past and present.
G) I will provide my spouse a daily schedule of all appointments and contact information.
H) If I need to make an adjustment to my schedule, I will notify my spouse of the change immediately.
I) I will make my spouse�s phone calls my highest priority by answering them or returning them immediately.
J) I will avoid all chat rooms, porn, member sites, etc.
K) I will trade phones with my spouse at any time they request, NO questions asked.
L) I will leave my phone accessible to my spouse at night/or anytime I�m home.
M) I will commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with my spouse to meet each other�s ENs every week (time working together does not count toward those 15 hours).
N) If AP finds a way to make contact, I will immediately end the contact and notify my spouse about it immediately after.
O) I will install a keylogger, GPS, or any other tracking system my spouse may request.
P) Anytime I have the thought, �I don�t want my spouse to know about��.�, I will call my spouse immediately and tell them my thoughts.
Q) Anything else my spouse wants as a boundary.

Mrs. W...I don't really know what you mean by "noodle"...but yes, the feeling of losing a piece of myself is in my mind right now. It just hit me last night as someone called and mentioned to me about a concert and it hit me that I may never be able to go to a concert or anything that I love, for that matter, by myself again...and yes, it did bother me. I feel a little bit like I have to give up EVERYTHING that is "me" to try to sustain this marriage. As I have mentioned before, this idea is completely foreign and stops me in my tracks once in a while. Any advice is welcomed!

Why Should a Couple Plan to Be with Each Other When They Are the Happiest?

Introduction: One of the most controversial positions I take regarding marriage is that a husband and wife should be together for their favorite recreational activities. Whatever it is they enjoy doing the most, they either do with each other, or they don't do it at all.

Some feel that I am out to destroy marriage with that suggestion, not save it. After all, how can a husband and wife survive each other in life unless they are able to get away once in a while to have some fun.

"You are meddling, Dr. Harley! I need something to look forward to, and _______ is absolutely essential to my survival," is the response I often hear from spouses when first introduced to the idea. "There are some things a man and woman simply cannot enjoy together, and yet are essential to their happiness."

But my advice is not based on ivory tower speculation. It's based on years of observation. Couples who spend their most enjoyable time together tend to have great marriages, and those who do not, tend to divorce. Furthermore, I have witnessed hundreds of couples who have given up activities that only one enjoyed for activities that they both enjoyed. None went crazy, and almost all of them were very happy that they made the change.

Mrs. W...I don't really know what you mean by "noodle"...but yes, the feeling of losing a piece of myself is in my mind right now. It just hit me last night as someone called and mentioned to me about a concert and it hit me that I may never be able to go to a concert or anything that I love, for that matter, by myself again...and yes, it did bother me. I feel a little bit like I have to give up EVERYTHING that is "me" to try to sustain this marriage. As I have mentioned before, this idea is completely foreign and stops me in my tracks once in a while. Any advice is welcomed!

...It just hit me last night as someone called and mentioned to me about a concert and it hit me that I may never be able to go to a concert or anything that I love, for that matter, by myself again...and yes, it did bother me. I feel a little bit like I have to give up EVERYTHING that is "me" to try to sustain this marriage. As I have mentioned before, this idea is completely foreign and stops me in my tracks once in a while. Any advice is welcomed!