Oh yes!! Madder than a wet hen. It is wonderful.

However, if you do this while in Plan B you will never know which is the beauty of Plan B!

My suggestion would be to go into Plan B and THEN expose the OW to her family and friends. That way you won't have to listen to your H's outrage. Your WS and the OW will only have each other to lovebust since you are not around!

Make a list of the OW's family and friends ranking them by importance. Start with parents, sibs, family - then move onto married friends.

Before you do this, change your facebook picture to one of your and your husband. Open up your family pictures on facebook for all to see. A couple of days after your exposure, I would call the OW's mother and try and enlist her help in busting up the affair.

Send out private messages, SPACED ONE MINUTE APART,[or facebook will shut you down for flooding] to your selected target list. Here is a sample letter you can use.

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It is with great regret that I send this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for XX years and have 3 heartbroken children. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence. The affair is common knowledge amongst our employees and family.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW

Will they be willing to be completely NEUTRAL? The role of IM is a completely neutral position that screens messages and passes on only pertinent information about finances. Everything else has to be withheld. They would play the role of a spam filter. If your H sends something inappropriate, they should tell him it won't be sent to you and never mention it to you.

Can I ask you too, when WH is making financial decisions that are bad, do I let him bring those consequences on us. For instance,he is at a casino with OW right now, either that or he is taking a cruise. He is at the Port of New Orleans where you can gamble or take a carribean cruise. Either way sounds expensive. My human nature is really wanting to take measures to lessen damage but my spirit side is telling me that letting him come to the end of himself is most important whatever the cost.

Anyone who would accuse you of being EVIL for exposing evil is a crapwit whose approval you do not need. There will be many people who will condemn you for standing up for your marriage, but their opinion does not count. You will be surprised at the folks who do step up and support and defend you. They are the ones who count.

I will see them in church tomorrow. I dont know if they even want to be involved. I know they are deeply grieved. Considering what the wife went through and the length of years I have known her, I would think she is really irked with this whole thing. Also, her sons are my sons' ages and she uses WH as her veterinarian. They are both experienced school teachers so they can detach I think.

Your responsible side should take steps to ensure he does not squander your money by separating your money. He can do whatever he wants with his money, but you should see an attorney and get a legal separation in place that protects you financially and separates your money and forces him to pay you income. It is best to separate your finances and you should not even SEE what he does with his portion.

I was sort of referring to my WH. He is mystified as to how I can calmly discuss this garbage with him and tell him that if he would end the affair, we could rebuild. I just wonder if I appear to be attacking OW, I will confirm any thing he has created in his mind against me.

It is really a very easy job if it is done right. They only pass on pertinent financial information and nothing more. The only time IM's run into trouble is when they fall for the manipulative fogbabble of the WS and act on his behalf That is a disaster. And let me explain. Almost EVERY WS tries to get the BS to stay in contact with him. They do not like losing control, so they will hammer the IM with messages about how "we can't resolve this unless she will talk to me" "she needs to stop being so immature and talk to me!" It is all an attempt to get you to break Plan B. Your IM must protect you from that.

In Louisiana, there is no separation. If he lives apart from me for six months he can file for a divorce and get it real fast too. If I file for divorce, it immediately freezes all action on our assets. I really dont want to take the first step toward a divorce. I am gathering all the financial statements I can think of and contracts to have in place with the attorney in case WH takes action, but I always felt he was telling the truth about not wanting a divorce. He said as long as he isnt having sex and is married he thinks he hasnt broken his vows!?

Thats ok. It doesn't matter what he thinks. NOT ONE BIT. What matters is that you do everything in your power to ruin the affair. Your marriage can recover his temporary anger, it can't recover from an ongoing affair.

Oh, I think this couple is well capable of that. She is a high school teacher, close to retirement and he is a retired teacher and school administrator. They are very sharp and used to having silly, foolish kids and parents try to manipulate them.

You might need to file for divorce to get legal protection. That doesn't mean you will GET divorced, just that you will have legal protection. You can file on grounds of adultery and then drag things out. It is doubtful the affair would outlast a long, dragged out divorce. Many folks here have done this to great effect. Filing on grounds of adultery has an added benefit of forcing the OW to come to court and give testimony under oath about her affair.

He says he isn't having sex?? Did you laugh??

That brought the biggest smile to my face all day long. I will wait for Plan B to kick in before progressing to that tactic. According to WH she is going to a neighboring state to a cancer research hospital this coming week. If his truck stays parked at the port in New Orleans I will know that she has been cleared of her "cancer" and that she isnt even going to have a hysterectomy. If she has surgery, I'm not going to kick a dog when its down. I'll wait til she's back on all four legs. :-)

Well, his prostate surgery left him debilitated. I was content to stay married to this guy I love forever even if he never could get function back. I do think they have crossed physical lines now. He likes to bring up her heavy bleeding and his inability to sanctify the relationship, but he has become more callous lately and I think he is getting more out of this than at first. Also, with OW being an Aids counselor, I think she knows ways around any issue that would communicate disease. I think she is creative. I think she's been married a couple of times too

You will do great, Debbie. You are smart, strategic and resolved. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will feel much better in a few short weeks of no contact. You will be surprised at how much peace comes your way in Plan B.

The odds of his affair with skanky lasting are very, very slim. Only 5% of affairs ever make it beyond 2 years. The very traits that made it possible, thoughtlessness, dishonesty, selfishness will eventually destroy it. My money is on YOU.

He wouldn't be leaving his marriage if they weren't having sex, I assure you. There are many ways to skin that cat.

What do you know about her past? Are you absolutely sure she is not married?

Thanks. I feel better having a plan for sure. When you all say Plan D, are you speaking for filing for divorce and is that really something recommended? If it comes to that, it is going to be a tremendous wake up call to WH. I have just been adamant that I would not initiate, but I am tired of paying for dinner, trips and whatever else. And I guess I would wait a bit in Plan B mode and use the family contact tactic to add pressure before filing. I really want to do all I can and give God the latitude to do that thing He does so well.

She is not married right now. Her last husband left her with about 15 thousand in debt which supposedly has paid off. She lives in a tidy trailor house in a rank section of town. She has at least two grown children both with different last names.Her mother and brother live up north in a state with the second largest witch population. She claims to be a Christian but her fb pictures show her friends to be mostly homosexual. (Those guys are customers at our clinic too) I am hoping my friend can friend her so we can see if WH is in her photos. Thats all I know about her.

Plan D can be very effective in that it a) protects you financially, b) can shock the WS into reality - they often believe the BS will wait forever and tolerate any abuse. IF the WS doesn't meet your conditions in Plan B in a certain amount of time [as determined by you up to 2 years] then you will be prepared to finalize the divorce. And if he does meet your conditions, you can drop the action. But either way, you benefit.

Doing this will protect your assets from your H's party with the OW. WS' are notorious for squandering life savings so this is a protection for the BS. Believe me, he might very well desroy your credit and run through your life savings if allowed.