Loved the story about the little birdie. Sad, but true.

P.S. I was gonna edit my post but since you made a whole 'nother post of it, I think I'll leave it.

I agree

I'm glad I have not a speck of mud on me....or in my house...or in my hair....and I shook the "mud" from my feet and snapped in Z formation

And then I told it to bite me

Okay, slightly off topic....

One of the really bad (and stupid and infantile and high-school-mean-girl-queen-bee) about growing up in AL is this absolute fanatical INSISTENCE that some Alabamians have that you decide and write in blood whether you are for AL or Auburn....really??? It's....football. Football. It lasts a few months a year, and yes it's fun and tradition and all that crap......but it's a little brown pigskin and a lot of popcorn and beer.

Family, Husband, Faith....in the Word God acutally inspired....yeah, THERE's a legitimate loyalty issue.

Roll Tide vs. War Eagle? Might we grow up and get our shoulder pads out of our arses?

Whew.....that felt good

I grew up in small town Mississippi. Change the names to Ole Miss and Mis'sippi State and it was exactly the same.

I knew people who had ROOMS in their homes decorated to honor their chosen team. Aaaarrrrgh!

DH has a cousin who separated from his wife as a result of a fight during the Iron Bowl one year GMAB

Bravo, good for you

New rant coming tomorrow. Watch this space. Bless their hearts! I had it all typed up, hit the wrong button on my IPod and poof, it was gone. Will try again when I'm not trying to type on Ambien.

Oh I hate it when that happens

You get it all fresh in your head then type it out and till you feel like you've got it in the right heat of the moment....like you wouldn't know how to express it better like that again..and poof , you look away and the cat jumps on your keyboard or you hit submit and don't save it first to the clipboard and its lost in the process..

Its so disappointing, and so frustrating you don't have the attitude to re-type it all. Heck I forget what I even said I get so mad, and now I am mad at myself.

I key-peck and go slow when I type. I barely made 30 WPM when I was trying to qualify years ago. I probably do 15 WPM top speed now.

You can imagine with the lengths of my posts PM...

I really wanna hear what you gotta say PM, so please God do something to get PM really fired up tommorow K? Unless it would be better for her that the situation is resolved. But I have a feeling it will be good solid wise observation if it comes from PM

Just want to clarify because it came up in the posts somewhere.

Once you realize the crap that hurts your marrige, you know the thinking and ideas and behavior, and realize thats the enemy, then you give it the old "heave ho".

And in TBs case she told the enemy "to bite me"

I think all good marriges and people have this quality of humility.

OK will look in tommorow PM

Okay, here's my rant.

It seems like when some people come to MB as a wayward, they expect that they will get support for their "feelings" and just how bad their marriage was to cause them to cheat. When they don't hear what they want to hear they become irate and refuse to listen to the advice that they are given to STOP their behavior, make amends and place extraordinary precautions in their marriage. They would rather blame their spouse, God, their children, or even the lamp post for their adultery. Heaven forbid that they stop their selfish entitlement for even a minute and gaze into the mirror at how ugly they've become. Sin does that... turns a beautiful person into an ugly soul that can't be hidden, even under the best makeup.

Then after they slither off (or sometimes are asked to leave when they won't shut up with their stupidity) they go looking for other places that will support their wayward ways. But then they start the lying and the gossiping about how badly they were treated at MB. It becomes a mission (or obsession) with them because no one at MB would get down in the mud with them. Nope, it ain't gonna happen. They rant and rage and lie and gossip trying to tear down MB because they KNOW in their KNOWER that they heard the truth.

I say fine, you choose to continue to destroy your marriage, go forth. MB will be fine, is fine without you. In fact, I've noticed that since around the fall of last year, MB has become a much better place. The advice is now more streamlined and geared towards MB (proven) methods. I've watched our membership increase daily with newbies coming EVERY DAY for help and (gasp!) actually getting great advice. There have been more breakthroughs lately when people follow the MB plans and don't cherry-pick bits and pieces of it. Great job my fellow MBers!!

Yeah PM I hear ya, and it reminds me of that scripture that asks us again where were we when God set the foundation. Does He need our counsel? But yet people find ourselves in situations critsizing the way things work and others try to help them out of the hole they dug, only to see them stay in the hole insisting the hole dissapear.

This place is great but only to those who can recognize help when they see it or will accept it. Such as it will allways be I am afraid. We hide in the darkness.

Im with ya, Grats MBers

All right, this is a self-rant:

Educating waywards -->

And this is a general rant (driven by anger at someone having all of the tools available to avoid the many mistakes that WILL lead them into infidelity misery and NOT USING THOSE TOOLS):

Sticking one's head into the ground -->

It's like whack-a-mole on both fronts. Ugh.

Well it never ends and they just don't get it.

Rant about bullchitters and messed up people.

A struggling ex addict who fell back into addiction after his wife passed away came to my house today and asked if I wanted to split rent with him on a new place, (I am moving outta here soon because my boys have thier own places now)..

Long detailed story of how bad he got I won't bore you with but he is at least now functional and working for his son is his business.

Well this is the guy who took in the wayward teen girl that became a crackhead years ago. The same girl I didn't trust or want my wife to hang around with because of the same addiction issues W had with Alcohol. Years ago when WW was clean and wanted to get back together.

The same girl that introduced my wife to heroin years later..

I suppose he would rather have me forget that also and not blame him, but he was not much better, just full of different crapola, and was a scam artist, also taken in by scam artists, and using Gods grace to continue on in life with the same weak heart of desparate acts and justifying his lack of accountability and integrity.

But here he is, after losing his wife one year before my wife went home, and then falling apart and back into drugs pretty heavy again, now two years later, getting married to another drug addicted girl that squatted with him at his house that got forclosed on.

His first wife was a heroin addict and got clean when they met, and he was a coke=head and alcoholic when they met also. His first W accualy got clean and changed her life with God. He changed too, but it was all because of her, not because of God, she became God to him. I guess it was easier to fool her than to fool God so...

Anyway he told me he was gonna get married again and that he could not be alone and when he left he told me he was going home and "grabbing a beer" on the way.

He also lied to me and said, "I gotta find a place because I sold my house", yeah except I know it was forclosed on years ago and he was able to squat there after being kicked out numerous times by the bank, hooking up the electric illegally more than once, letting it become a crack-house, and even getting jumped by the people who lived there. Even his Son who he works for now called me once and told me how bad he had become and how he dissapeared for days once he got money.

So his answer is to get married again? Some people never learn. The only reason I even talked to him was because my wife was friends with his, and his wife was instrumental in helping my wife recover from drinking after I left the first time.

Can't be alone? Wake up call, when it comes down to integrity and personal accoutability, we are all alone. I wish him well and told him I would look for him but would rather live alone. I am done trying to help people who really don't want help and have put my life and my families in peril in the past. I feel for him but let God handle it, he is much stronger, forgiving, and able than I to be there for him. My grace has a limit and my understanding and mercy has run out in that area.

He hasn't "got it" in the past and I have no faith he will "get it" now and he is still lieing. I wish him well and put him in Gods hands,,

C, you know, of course, that the only reason he wanted you to move in with him was so that YOU could pay ALL the rent and so that he could steal your money and pawn your belongings. My ex-SiL was so bad that we forbade him from coming over because things would disappear. It's pretty bad when you have to follow someone in the family to and from the bathroom (which we kept stripped of anything of value) just so he won't steal something on the way!

PM, good rant!

Ha...Mrs_V, I know the wayward you are referring to.

Yep...

I think she will defog one of these days, long after her H has moved on. She'll regret it. But she doesn't want to hear that.

Lol Ah yes LC, I spotted the bullchit in this guy a long time ago, how they were users and really had problems, and every time they would let my late W down, I would sat "OK, so we know what they are about now, so we wish them well and deal with them little or none at all" W would be hurt and upset by them, but would not let it go, and sometime in the future history would be re-written and all would be forgiven again..."Oh it was what God would have wanted", but the same thing would happen again..So I say it was NOT what God would have wanted if people didn't learn from the first time. I just operated above the slime and waited till they could see...

My W just kept getting sucked back in, was upset when she couldn't help the woman with her struggle to find recognition in the "Inner circle" of the church that she thought my W was in, and I feel it hurt my wife because of the focus on that also. "The blind leading the blind". The priorities were all messed up. It helped keep my wife in that desire to "save" people who did not want to change and were so insecure, looking for nirvana from other peoples attention and approbation. It was truly as the scripture implys IMO.

I can't find the scripture, but it talks about when people latch onto other people, trying to fit in, and count that as their salvation, but do not seek Christ individually. They become bondservents of the people then, and miss the freedom gotten from full submission to Christ. Then they were as strong as the person they clung too, so they missed the point. That connection to people over personal accountability to God can be hard to negotiate when you worship human beings.

The real reason he wants me to move in with him is he wants my credibilty. His GF he is gonna marry,(not sure if she was in on rolling him a couple years ago or not, yup, its THAT bad), if she is the girl I met before in his familys home that was turned into a crackhouse after his W died, would probably steal from me, but the Guy would just lie to me like he allways did in the past. I would not trust them around anything of value, and I am of to much value myself to put myself in that prediciment either.

I think there are many good approaches and respect is due for the heart and intention. I think the 12 step program follows an excellent modus: what is shared here, stays here. It works for many different boards. I think it's disingenuous to leave this board and gossip over there. However, it's equally bad to go "there" and read, then gossip about it here. There is broken trust both ways when that happens.

This board is a good place, with structure and purpose. Bashing another board doesn't serve either place, wherever its done.

PS - I miss some really good folks who don't post here very much and MB loses when someone who has lived it, embraced it and recovered - leaves.

I miss them. I acknowledge the impact they have had on my life.

Interesting choice of words, broken "trust" and "disingenuous". Disingenuous means "lacking in candor; also : giving a false appearance of simple frankness : calculating" and trust means "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something". (ref. Merriam-Webster)

I agree there are some disingenuous and untrustworthy people out there. I'd say that's mostly what my rant was about.

The rest of your post about bashing boards is a straw man. That was clearly not my intention and not once did I mention any names or any other boards. My rant is about people, particularly waywards, who come here and ask for help, and then run away mad that they won't be coddled or have their waywardness "validated" (using that word is for a different rant).

But since you brought it up, what people post on message boards is not private and there should be no expectation of privacy, unless it is a by-invitation-only board hidden from the general public. That's why people post anonymously.

I disagree further that there is an expectation of "trust" by board or boardee not to reveal what is posted publicly. Nice try. What is posted publicly is open for anyone who wants to read it. Heck, these days a person doesn't even have to go to a specific board, they can just use Google.

When someone lies and distort the words of posters here at MB (some of who are my very good friends IRL), what they post ANYWHERE publicly is fair game. When they do so about the printed and published works of Dr. H, then they may be crossing over into the bounds of slander and libel. Regardless, whether it's about my fellow MB members or Dr. H, in both cases, I will defend the truth. Every time. Any place.

But thank you for your concern.

There are people I miss as well who have lived "it", embraced "it" and "recovered". But I understand it and wish them well. It may or may not be a loss to MB, depends on the person. Sometimes people just choose to move on for many different reasons. Sometimes it's too triggering to stay, sometimes they feel they have nothing left to offer, and sometimes they become unhappy with forward progress. It's life. It happens.

My rant wasn't about good people.