Also does anyone know where the sample letter for FB exposure is? I need to work on that and send it out to stomp out this A.

Here's the facebook letter, space your mailings out 30-60 seconds apart so you don't get flagged by their system for spam.

Hope today goes ok for you.

---------------------------------
Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

Here is the revised Plan B letter:
Dear WH,

This is the hardest letter I have ever written.

I apologize to you for my part in creating the environment that helped make your affair possible. You know I love you and adore you with my heart, my mind and my body. When we married I thought it would be forever and have never considered that we would be apart one day. The thought that we may not grow old together truly pains me. We have had great times and we had bad times, but we had each other and for 13 wonderful years it was enough.

I commit to you and our marriage. I cannot do it alone.

I am asking that as long as you are seeing HOE woman, I do not want to see or speak to you. All contact will be through XXXX for visitation, taking care of your family as agreed, and other family matters. Do not text me, call me, or try to see me unless you stop all contact with HOE woman.

I want to have a marriage that we both deserve. As long as HOE woman is in the picture this will not happen and I need to protect myself.

I do not want this divorce. I want to be your wife, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you and share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you.

I just wanted to bring up a memory for you. We were in the Anna Maria Islands. We were in our room overlooking the ocean. You had just gotten operated to reverse your vasectomy. You were standing at the balcony leaning against it. I was in the bathroom. When I walked out I saw the curtains blowing in and saw you. You looked so handsome in the moonlight. I walked over to you and touched your back. You leaned down and gave me a kiss. I said are you in pain? You said no, I�m okay. Then you said �BW this is the beginning of our journey. I would have never dreamt in a million years to be here in this moment with you. I knew you before; you are my life�..�See WH I remember�..



I hope we will be together again one day.

Your wife,

ME

Thanks Northwood. I appreciate it . I will do this tonight after kids are in bed. Plus I know OW is working so she wont have access to a computer.

I have posted my revised plan B letter. Please let me know what else I need to change or is it okay to send? Thanks again

Free bump for you and, for what it's worth, here's my take. Mainly, (1) why remind him that there were bad times and (2) tell him (don't ask) that continued contact with the Ho is the reason that he will not be contacting you.

Otherwise, sounds good. I bet it'll give him the reality jolt that he so desperately needs and that he'll immediately try to test your resolve in this. I would say stay strong on that, but I have this feeling that you will

Thanks so much. Now a question. Is this a letter I handwrite, email, hand in person, How do you deliver it?

I guess handwritten is nice, but it probably doesn't really matter.

You should get it to him such that there is no time after for a discussion about it. Make sense? If it's in person, hand it to him and leave immediately. Or mail it. Or leave it for him to find when he comes home. The point being that his getting the letter is the last contact that he has with you.

Good luck, hope things start looking up for you soon.

Thanks for posting up your Plan B letter- I've been checking out other samples to help me out.

TBA, I haven't been back on your thread for a while as you were being very well counselled by folks without my involvement. I just wanted to kick in saying I'm impressed with the efficiency(?) with which you are engaging this process.

Hang in there. There can be no guarantees about pulling him back to your marriage, but you are guaranteed, if things do not work out, that you will be at ease that you did all that you could to restore the life you had.

Let me catch up it has been a long 3 days. After revising my Plan B letter I hand write, get my ducks in a row and am hand delivering it on 3/26/11. I exposed to OW fiance again.OW fiance states it is my WH doing because OW is very gullible. Whatever!I tell him to let OW mother know and my cell #.
Thursday night I am showering raise left arm to shave and fell pain in my breast. I start to palpate and find a painful lump. I kneel in shower and cry . Why ? I feel the walls are closing in. I call WH after setting up mammogram on Friday for next week. He is so nonchalant. "It is probably nothing, you will be fine. " I call my family, they comfort me. I am terrified to find out, I think it is not going to be good news.
Saturday WH arrives to pick up his his two older stepsons and takes them out to lunch.I do not go outside . He texts to remember our 6yrolds asthma meds. I had already packed. He arrives to drop off older boys and pick up younger two. He will have them for a week since he has no employment and I have full time school and no daycare til next week. He walks in and hugs me , I fall apart. He wipes my tears and I stand there clinging to him. I now feel so weak . He then proceeds to kiss my cheeks and to apologize for all he has done, but he still wants a divorce. I pull myself together and start putting kids things in his truck . I give him letter per lawyer for permission to have little ones in Illinois . I put boys in car, say goodbye. He then calls me to his side of car and kisses me on mouth. I start to cry and go inside. I spent the whole day crying, I am scared. I called IM and she is ready to start on Saturday when he drops off kids and I hand him letter.
That is it for now.

So sorry to hear about the latest development and your husband's non-supportive response. Is your family nearby or could someone come stay with you for a few days? Try to spend some time with them and be around friends until you see what the doctor says.

We'll be thinking of you, try to take care of yourself, ok?

Torn,

I'm praying for you as well,

I'm in a different place with my WW, ( I filed for D 10 months ago) and I have found the more distance I get from her the better I am.

Plan-B is all about you, it helps protect you from the emotional upheavals you have every time your around your WH. I find that the more distance I have the less I miss my WW and the less I think about the crap I've been drug through.

Imagine, this response, you find a lump, you call your husband, and he comes to your side, comforts you and tells you that he will do everything he can to help you through it.

That's what was suppose to happen

What happened is a sad commentary of where your marriage is now. All the more reason to be in a Plan-B. Your WH is the last person you should be looking to for comfort through this process. He will disappoint you.

Thank you NW and SC . I have since yesterday found 4 more smaller lumps. I am terrified . Go to doctor tomorrow @245pm. I want to run and hide, don't know if I can handle anymore . I know I have to be strong for my four boys, but I am scared . I want to finish school, graduate in May, move out of this town and heal already. I don't know how to handle being sick and this bomb that went off in my marriage. I do feel abandoned by my WH. He knows I have an appointment tomorrow and he says he will not be here. It would give me false hope, he wants to be my friend. Well I cannot wait to go into Plan B, because every time I talk to him, my heart breaks even more. I don't know why I cant be stronger.My mother will be here Tuesday. But WH is dropping off our two little ones on Friday .

I am a little more composed now. Have been talking to family and got some support. I am sad because my family is far and I am here.
I do not even have the urge to speak with WH. He is lost . Can someone please walk me through Plan B again.My letter was posted and I modified it with the suggestions I was given. What do I do next? Give him letter,IM is in place for Friday, what else?

That's about it. Find a way to give him the letter so that it is the last contact that he has with you...on your way out the door, before you get in your car and drive away, etc. Something like "Oh, almost forgot, this is for you", hand him the envelope and leave.

Then go dark, with no contact from him so that you can get through all of this with as little drama as possible. No reading or sending emails, no reading/sending texts, no checking phone messages, no checking up on him. Delete any received communications without reading/listening to them.

You have caller ID, right? So don't answer the phone. If, by some way, he gets through to you, just say "Talk to IM" and hang up.

If your house answering machine (or cell phone) uses your voice as the recording, change it so that he doesn't get a "fix" by hearing your voice.

Even though you'll probably want to, either out of concern or morbid curiosity, don't ask your IM how WH is doing, if his relationship with skank-ho is faltering, if he's happy, sad, anything--it doesn't matter and you don't care as having him in your life is just too damaging at this point. And ask your IM not to tell you anything about WH other than information pertinent to your children--or if he's going to dump the skank.

This is all to get you into a better place where you are removed from the conflict and drama and can start a personal recovery so that you'll be ok should the divorce go through. It's primarily for YOU and if it knocks some sense into your husband, well, then that's a bonus.

I've never done Plan B, so this is off the cuff reading what others have done. I'm hoping someone with a bit more experience will chime in, but the above items are a good start.

Lean on your family, Torn. They're going to get you through this. And, by all means, concentrate on your health and feel free to vent on here as well--we've just about all been in a similar boat at one time or another.

If you get a chance before Plan B, and if it comes up, I'd make no bones about telling him that you two will NOT be friends if this goes to divorce. I mean, really, you treat me like crap and expect me to be friends with you?!?



Typical wayward thinking, my wife said the same crap. Best disabuse them of any thinking of that sort.

Torn,,

Back from the Doctor appointment yet?

How'd it go??

We care.........

It was not good. Dr says in his opinion it is likely cancer. He feels that we caught it in time, early enough. It is causing puckering of the skin so he has referred me to a Breast Clinic to have further studies and test. Doctor he referred me to is very good he says. I am scared. WH called and acted unconcerned, hung up , then called back to say he will be here for my next week appt. I wanted to say no, but should I? I wanted to Plan B tomorrow when he brings kids home from Illinois. Does anyone know how we deal with health concerns while on Plan B? WH called and says he wants to make us dinner when he drops off boys. Is this a good idea? How should I behave? I am confused. My doctor prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. Says I need to be thinking clearly in order to make decisions by myself. I feel numb, this cant be my life. What happened?

(((((TBA)))))

I will pray for you tonight.