Politely explain to her that Dr Bill Harley, the founder of Marriage Builders, clinical psychologist who specializes in infidelity, says that exposure is the best way to save a marriage from an affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy so getting them out there is ruinous.

Just go ahead and do your exposures and if this comes up again, give her this explanation.

Oh yeah, I want to embarrass that tramp to all of the people who know her. My friend is getting in touch with her friend to let her know what OW is up to.

Thank you Harleyduck :-)

Did you expose to her facebook friends and family?

Just a select few, friends in the local area & her sister.

Things are about to get ugly!

I wouldn't stop until FB says you're over doing it!

I didn't make it through the "A's" in his friends list after I sent off to 6 of his family members!

I think I sent close to 20 messages altogether... The more I did the funner it became!

Keep up the good work! But don't hesitate to "over do it"

Remember you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I felt SO strong after the bomb went off, and I heard the shrapnel falling. It was less than 24 hours to full impact! That was so fun! If you can what we are going through fun... Gotta find solace wherever you can.

Good job, ob. Keep it up!

Yep, your MIL SHOULD be ashamed her son is behaving like a rutting pig along with the ow.

Realize that a fabulous exposure plan makes the ow and the WS FURIOUS! And that's good! You see, in affairland, they have a secret goal. Wanna know what that is?

To somehow end their marriages whilst remaining friends or more with their betrayed spouses, and then pretend to magically hook up say..um..the day after their divorce...with the affair partner and present the new relationship to the world as something worthy of a shred of dignity.

That's what my WXH wanted. When I found out and exposed, he was madder than he((! So was the ow! I exposed so well, I accidentally even exposed to ow's ailing granny. Apparently the granny threatened to cut ow out of her will if she kept behaving like that!

That is what you want! Them to get maaaad! Why? You have SPOILED their little secret plan! No honor for the ow. No being friendly. The whole group of family, friends, and coworkers will SEE the affair for the truth of what it is. It is a horrible, shameful lie and systematic abuse of their marriage partner and it also rips apart families.

So let them get mad. Heck, in my case, I did such a WONDERFUL exposure, the xow, aka Monkeyho (my little skank name for the skank)DIDN'T EVEN ANNOUNCE her OWN WEDDING in the newspaper back home for fear of further exposure to her hubby! She won't have a public facebook page. She has nothing public about her you could even find. It's BEAUTIFUL. I shamed her for LIFE! Now could she redeem herself? Well maybe some other former ow can do that, but not monkeyho. She skanked around with a few more mm after my xwh.

Let your WH and OW fume! I will bet that ow will get fired! That's what I'm crossing my fingers for anyway.

Things aren't getting ugly obrivey..they're getting CLEARER. The fog will be blown away by the truth of the ugliness of their sleazy behaviors.

An affair isn't romantic. It's not pretty. It is anything but beautiful when you add in the lies, the gaslighting, the emotional and mental abuse to the spouse, the time missed in being a good parent to the children. It's horrible. It is a cowardly and selfish thing to do.

Like I once told my xh, "If our M was so bad, why were we trying for a new baby and why did we build our dream house? Can you clue me in on that?"

You see, rarely do affairs happen because the spouse is deficient. In cases (most) of WH, it's a praise/hero worship thing. The ow douses the WH in lots of praise and hero worship and if the guy has poor personal boundaries, that's when they happen.

That's what happened to my wxh anyhow.

Just remember to plan A your WH during this. When he comes over to fume at you and is angry, have his favorite dinner cooking in the oven. He screams, "How DARE you tell the company about this and OW's friends and her grandma back home!?" You simply respond (while holding a delicious plate of food), "Oh sweetheart, I love you and am committed to making our marriage work, it can't when there's a sleazy affair going on. I made your favorite lasagna dear! And for dessert, there's apple pie! Have a slice!"

It's hard for a man to be angry when his favorite meal is staring him down! Plus, most skanks are too busy sleazing about to actually even learn how to use an oven.

or you could just give him a nice cookie.

Just got this email from H

there was no affair, stop. We have had a problem, unseen by us , or actually you.
I'm not going to fight with anymore. Go ahead and continue to tell everyone our situation. Or actually may be its my time to start.
I want a divorce and I want joint custody of kids. I am not abandoning them.
Your terms.

And Peachy - LOVE YA POSTS!!

He said WHAT? Your first post here outlines his admissions! What, did that never happen? Or did he hit his head and get amnesia?

You are feeling the first brunt of the exposure holocaust! This GOOD ob.... very good!

Let it all wash over you now. You have done the right thing.

In my own battle here, my WW is still p*ssed about what I did, but she's wising up now. The financial ruin, the pain she has caused me, the guilt, all of it is finally coming through. I know by her actions around the house. She has no desire to go out, call her friends or anything. All she can think about right now is how incredibly hard it is going to be for her to follow through with her decision to divorce me. My WW has no job (other than working the books at our auto repair shop) and she is actively seeking employment (good luck with that!). She cannot find an apartment or townhouse she can afford (see: no job). And she cannot purchase a home or townhouse because of our deep debt. She know I won't leave the house so all the weight of divorcing me is on her shoulders. I have done SO much to show her that I can and DID change, and the home she is in right now is where SHE BELONGS.

I am told be reading here that she should "see the light" one day, and make an attempt at reconciling with me. I have my doubts if she will, she is very stubborn and may have too much pride to back down now.

I believe she still loves me. The OM is gone. It's been almost 2 weeks. No divorce papers (yet) but she has them drawn up (this I know from my super-snooping)... If she serves me it's on to plan B but for now, I'm full on Plan A!

ob - how have you proven that they had an affair? If you were to try and convince me as a family member, what proof do you have?

The only evidence is the valentines card she gave him. I had his phone for all of 1 minute before he wrestled me to get it from me. There I saw confirmation for a hotel, and an email between them where she had mailed him her horoscope which was all about a sexy upcoming encounter with a new lover, & his reply was looks like the stars are aligning for a great weekend.
I know from talking to her H that she was away for the nights my H was away while he was still living here.

I really don't have much actual hard evidence. Which is why I am trying to get the $$ to hire a PI.

Plus he did admit it after I found the card. I emailed him back & said that but he ignored that when he replied.

That's pretty good evidence. His testimony to you is the most valuable piece. You say he admitted it. Can you be more precise? What exactly did he admit to? Having sex with her? Going to the hotel with her?

As far as hiring a PI - Not sure what you gain from that. I think you should steal his phone by whatever means and install Mobistealth on it, and return it to him without him knowing. It's $99 for 3 months and worth every penny.

A lot of my strength has come from info I could not have seen otherwise.

Can you get a hold of his PC? eBlaster is awesome too and is $100 for a year. Do it if you can. The info is amazing! Every email he sends or gets, every key he types (you'll get his facebook login and password). The more you know, the better you can adjust to his moves. Stay one step ahead of him.

He said it was nothing, they kissed twice, then it became they kissed 3 times, then he said well what does it matter as we were separated. He didnt send her a valentines card & it ended soon after that.

He hung his head in shame after I got the emails on his phone, wouldn't talk about it, refused to give me an answer. Kids woke up & he said he would talk to me when we were alone. He then said he was not with her at any hotel, the card was a joke, no affair ever happened.

He has a blackberry, it is password locked & never leaves his side. He goes online with it too. USes work PC, not sure how I can spy on him.

Did you expose to her family members? You will want to get the word out quickly with the greatest impact. Don't just do a little exposure. Expose wide and FAR!

Ignore it!

Here is the evidence you provide in case anyone asks:

"On his phone I saw confirmation for a hotel and an email from OW about a sexy encounter with my H. I know from talking to her H that she was away for the nights my H was away while he was still living here." <----this is as much evidence as you need!

Don't let it bother you one bit that he denies it. You don't need the admission of a liar to know the truth.

Can sneak a GPS onto his car?

I had already replied to him (OK I know, I know, Shoot me now...)

ME: So the problem, unseen by me, is what exactly?
And didn't you tell me that you guys kissed in the office. It happened a few times? That WAS AN AFFAIR despite what you might be trying to tell yourself


HIM:I'm not going round and round with you again. Not doing it. You can think and say whatever you want. You refuse to see my point of view and I'm tired of it. I'm truly tired. You say I'm controlling ... I've have bent and adjusted to your requests our entire marriage. Every single thing I asked or suggested was completely ignored and you did it your way. And now I'm done. We don't fight over kids and you let me know what you want from me.

And there are about 10 more where he danced around and tries to throw blame on me. Like I said shoot me now.

Can try the GPS, maybe hide it in a kids toy, they are always leaving crap in his truck.

I think I have found the problem!

HIM:I'm not going round and round with you again.... I've have bent and adjusted to your requests our entire marriage.

Ya see, all you had to do was simply "request" that he honor his marriage vows, and forego screwing his co-worker.

And did YOU initiate the request that he get "bent"? If so, BRAVO!

(Does anybody on this site keep a journal with the nonsense that WS's spew?)