Obrivey, I have to agree with what Mel says here, killing the affair has got to come first, and your husband wanting space just means the opportunity to continue his affair unobserved.

The alcohol thing is a problem, because Plan A doesn't work well with substance abusers. Your husband has to acknowledge that knocking back close to a twelve pack per day IS a substance abuse problem and stop drinking because he's obviously lost control.

You're going to have to make a decision regarding your priorities regarding your school, family and your marriage. You may want to consider taking a semester or two off.

If it was a "perfectly good marriage" there wouldn't be an affair for me to snoop for. Honestly, I am at the point where I believe I will be far better off without him as my husband. I have a signed legal document regarding the money he has to give me & all of our rules for this separation, and he has just come to the realization that he has hardly any furniture for his new place, and with the money he has he can't afford to buy any.

He's asking if he can back here in the evenings (am sure he's missing having tv service & internet connect - and a comfortable couch to relax on). HAve told him no, its not fair on the children & only confuses them. He looks like hell (probably because he has no bed either) and I think he'd look a lot happier if he had another woman on the side. Also have in our agreement, no dating or sexual relations of any kind during this 6 month trial separation. So if he is caught cheating, he will be destroyed.

So I'm not snooping in his life. He has to face the consequences of his actions. A bit of misery is what he needs. There is no way I am going to let him destroy my future. What am I going to do if I take the semester off? I already have day classes & do all my work when the kdis are at school & he would be at work. I'm not going to take a semester off to sit home & cry, or tail him around.

You came here for advice, guess you didn't need any after all.

I did come here for advice & appreciate the help you've given me. But I don't see how planting a GPS in his truck is a solution.
Have an appt with a counselor so will see how that goes.

obrivey, I suspect this will be lost on you, but placing a GPS is a solution because it will help you uncover his affair. You can't save your marriage if you don't uncover the truth. See, many of the folks here have saved their marriages this way.

Take it or leave it; its all the same to us.

I wish you the best.

Thank you, I will think about it. Especially now that I will have some money to actually buy a GPS.

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster with the range of emotions I am going through. Am sure you can all understand where I'm coming from throughout this thread.

obrivey, they sell a very effective little GPS tracker at Best Buy that should be real easy to put on his car this weekend. It costs about $50. Little Buddy

I'm confused. Why are you seeing a counselor? Do you feel that you have a problem that requires counseling?

Don't see how that confuses you. Both of us want to go to counseling. My husband has a huge problem, and now our marriage is in the tank. Maybe it can be saved, but he needs help first for that to happen.

My husband has a drinking problem, has never dealt with the stress that came from having a critically ill child, he's resentful of me because , ahh jeez I dont really now why. He told me yesterday that he is toxic & that's what the problem is.
I dont know, am just trying to be strong for the kids right now.

Thank you Melody, I will get one on Monday. And try to find somewhere good to hide it in his pickup truck.

Is he an alcoholic?

Yes, counselor asked him at our 1st session & he said he thought he was, he has an appt tomorrow by himself to address that.

Was a good session, got him to open up quite a lot, he has been jealous of all of the time I have spent with our sick son. That was the root of it all, he felt that I was stronger & handled it better than he did & that bothered him.

Got a long ways to go but its a start.

I am sorry but all this is a complete waste of your time if he in an affair.

Well you were all right (But you knew that already).

Yes he was having an affair with a woman he works with, she is his supervisor. I got in touch with her husband to expose it, he had suspected something was going on but not positive. My husband told me it started in January, 2 weeks before he moved out. Said they never had sex, just fooled around. I know that is a outright lie as found hotel receipts & her husband told me she was out of town on those same nights. Husband says they ended it because of the risk of getting fired, and also because of the people they were hurting. She has two children aged 1 & 4. Her husband confronted her & he told me that they are going to work on their marriage.

What the hell do I do now?

Obrievy, I'm so sorry but better that you know the truth so you know what you're dealing with here.

I suggest you notify the mods and ask them to merge this thread with the new one you started. It's better to keep everything on one thread so people can keep up.

Glad you can see that the first lie that comes out of a wayward's mouth after getting caught is "yes, we were together but we never had sex."


Obviously your H can never work around this woman again. You need to expose this to their work.