I caught up with an old friend over the weekend. Her marriage is in the dumper, and she was very open to my recommendation to counsel with MB and wants more info. But it turns out her husband is a drug user, so I told her they won't really be able to help them recover their marriage until he tackles his addiction issues.

My friend realizes the drug use has to stop first and that an intervention is necessary but needs guidance and hand holding. She seems paralyzed by fear.

Would Steve or Jennifer be able to help this woman? My take is that she needs direct, customized, step-by-step guidance rather than a general support group about what she "should" do.

I don't have knowledge about this topic.

Delta, you'll get more answers on 101. And although this isn't an affair situation, more people on SaA have coached with Steve or Jennifer, and might be able to advise you of how it worked when there were other addictions present.

Delta, early in his career, Dr. Harley owned and operated several chemical dependency treatment centers. He is not without expertise in this area.

However, he is the first one to tell you that when someone is addicted, the addiction comes before everything else. This means that treating an addict for anything other than his addiction is useless until the addiction is first addressed.

There are three stages to addiction:

• Fun
• Fun, with some consequences
• Consequences

Until an addict gets to the final stage (known as "hitting bottom") it's very difficult to make progress in any other facet of that person's life.

Many of the posters here are recovering alcoholics/addicts. They will be the first to confirm what I've just said. I'm inclined to think Dr. Harley's response to any question regarding your friend would be to hold the intervention, get the addict into treatment, and make sure that person has a verifiable period of sobriety (six to nine months) before attempting to address any other issues.

Some spouses here are advised to Plan B the addict while that person is in treatment. Whether or not that applies in this case, I can't say.

Perhaps asking Dr. Harley on his radio program might give you a better perspective.

Thanks, Fred.


From what I've read, I agree.

I'm wondering whether MB (Steve/Jennifer) can be of assistance with this process.

My thought is that my friend will need to be coached about the benefits of Plan B and coached through the process.

I'd love to hear from those who've used MB counseling while dealing with this issue.

That's why I'm suggesting you go to SaA. There are simply more people who have coached over there!

Thanks, I'll request that this thread be moved there.