So I got one facebook response from person in their circle but not mine that said, I understand you are going through a hard time but this is not a good thing to do, please don't communicate with me anymore.

mehr

Sounds like you played this just right. I will keep my fingers crossed.

Keep up the plan A work. Remember, the exposure fall out is going to be dramatic.... but will blow over.
The angrier and more drama... the better. (Tho it will not seem like it at first - you will be blamed for EVERY COTTON PICKEN THING WRONG WITH THE WORLD!)

He WAS going to work on the M... but big old bad you(fill in the blank)
You broke the TRUST.

It is all fogbabble cr@p. Put on your orange nuclear protective gear and suit and wait it out.

You'll probably get a few comments like that, typically made by people who don't want to 'get involved' or who don't understand how to kill an A. Don't be distracted by that. Your goal is not to win some stranger over to the proper way to stop an A, it's to get the word out to anyone who can put pressure on the APs to end the A.

Yeah, its hard to get responses like that.

tighten your seatbelt, when the news hits crap will hit the fan.......don't worry about anyone but yourself and just keep saying you will do what you have to save your marriage and family and that you love him with all your heart.

Who have you all exposed to??

unfortunately it came in two waves because right when I found out I told his family and my family and my circles of friends and our church, so he has been completely avoiding all of those people..... but then just now it was his work and her circle of relatives/friends that I could manage to find...

I had the oddest response. Hold on and let me type it up.

I had typed this to a friend, I altered to remove the names. This morning he was coming over to visit with the kids and watch them while I went to counseling:


I was thinking about exactly how the response to the exposure letter came from WH.... see, first he came into the house and he said "I was sleeping good until 5 am when her exh called to say he got a certain note. He said he didn't really care but he wanted her to know about it." I smiled and said nothing.

He brought it up at least two more times before I left for counseling, like "Man I am tired. After that 5am call I had trouble getting back to sleep."

In my opinion he was fishing for some sort of response and I gave none except to appear politely interested.

Then when I came back from counseling and he was leaving and on his way out the door and he says "He read the note to us and she was really mad, but I was trying not to laugh because it was so you." I said, "Oh?" and he said "Yeah but she was mad so I tried not to laugh." I said joking, "Yeah. You know you like me." He just smiled like he agreed and got into his car.

The more I have thought about it I think that he sounded proud or admiring about the note.... that was the feeling..... is that not the most bizarre thing EVER?

Well, I'd say he doesn't really give two bits about his girlfriend if he's laughing at what limited exposure has hit her. Since it didn't affect him personally, then it didn't matter to him and would make sense. Now, since OW is reported as mad, then that's a good thing. You want her to be catching hell from her folks as well.

I'd say so far, so good.

Wait until he gets it from his employer, friends and family. If he's like most, he'll change his tune real quick once it starts happening to him and will start blaming you for having the audacity to get upset that he's an adulterer. That's ok if he does that---just try not to laugh in his face.

Have you had any response or indication from others that anyone has said anything to him?

To WHOM did you expose this week? Did you expose the affair to their workplace like we instructed?

This is not bizarre. It is an admirable trait to exhibit self confidence. To stand up for your M "is" impressive. Even in this wharped situation, your WH knows a good quality when he sees one.

He called an hour ago on the way to his counseling session and says he woke up this morning and was really thinking about things. He says he misses us but is in so deep he doesn't know how to get out. We talked about these things while he drove there. I am praying the counselor has the right words.

Try not to engage him in this fogbabble. Next time try

WH: I miss you but am in so deep with OW that I don't know how to get out.
You: So you feel bad, huh?
WH: Yeah.
You: Then quit cheating on me.

Don't let him try to make you feel sorry for him. His line about being in too deep just translates into "I want both of you in my life and am trying to figure out how to make that happen." He wants to you say "Oh, I understand and am soooo sorry that you're going through this, awww, poor pitiful you." Gimme a break!

So did you expose this to his workplace? Anyone else? Have you seen or heard anything to indicate that the exposure is having an effect on him?

Well, hopefully its more than fog babble, but it may not be. We talked about moving, and he said "but the kids like their house, and this will set us back for years" and I said, I don't care we can live in a shack, the kids do not care about this house as much as they do you...

yes I exposed to his workplace.

We are in Plan A if it matters.... so showing that I care about his feelings seems to be important at this point, but that doesn't mean I am going to "accept" the affair either. I still am carrot dangling.

Yup, he called after counseling and was effectively bargaining.... said it would be too hard to leave his job because we need the money, and if he broke things off with her it would be over... blah blah blah.... I told him it was non negotiable.

What do I do next?

Stick to your guns, don't buy his justifications he is cake eating don't let him, it's her or you and your marriage........
No Contact with the OW for life. it's the only way that is acceptable, if he refuses, Plan B.
If you stop meeting his needs he will be forced to self reflect and live the life he has chosen.......the longer you engage him the longer he will think he has the right to continue the affair..............He won't have any reason to stop if you still care about him, you and the marriage and kids have to come first........
hang in there...

You let him know that NC is the first step to recover from his "being in too deep." You are willing to do whatever it takes to repair the M, but you will not allow him to have two women meet his needs. Your H is a junkie that needs help, and that help starts with complete NC.

I remember someone who once said "When you're digging yourself in too deep, put down the shovel." Simplistic, but accurate. Tell him to put down the shovel. Tell the OW "It's over."

What did he say when you told him it was non negotiable? Does he know you exposed at work? Did you REALLY expose at work? How did you do it?