I am absolutely in plan Family. My soon to be exwife will most likely be in jail till my youngest (14) is in college, maybe longer. My 16 year old daughter went to counciling for a couple of months. She no longer feels it necessary. My son is adamant about not going. The councilor I have begun seeing (our former marriage councilor) said I should not force him.

The older 3 girls have been coming home most weekends and we are healing together and working on building new, good memories. We had a wonderful "first day of spring" party. We had a huge bonfire and watched the huge moon all night.

My chilren are amazing, and together we are carrying this burden and healing through each others love.

My wife is not at all a serial pedophile. She had a mental breakdown as a culmination of emotional problems. She spent a lot of years being a wonderful mother in many ways. It's a tragedy that she threw away the rest of her motherhood and limited in the extreme her future grandmotherhood. Not to mention our marriage.

I am so sorry for what you've been through but I'm glad to see that you and your children are knitting together. I can not imagine the pain from all of this. I'll be praying for your entire family in the coming days.

pdc,

Your youngest son is NOT an adult. Frankly, this is too serious for him to decide whether he should see a counselor or not. He is just starting the age where when you ask him anything, "how are you doing? how is school, how is...?" you will get "FINE". His arm could be falling off and you will get its "FINE". Girls are different but your son does and will need help. The fact that he is ademant about not seeing a counselor is a sure indicator that he is not "FINE".

Find someone for him to talk to, he needs it more than he realizes and perhaps you realize. The boy your W was with was his age, this is not good.

It sounds as if you have a wonderful family, take good care of them and take good care of yourself. Your soontobe XW, is going to go through some very tough times. I hope that she can get some counseling help while she is in jail.

God Bless,

JL

I agree with JL about your son. Please get him some help.

I'll also add that his mother's actions, and even your reactions, will shape how he views and treats women in the future. The pain and trauma from all of this could very easily carry over into future generations if not addressed.

pdc, what an absolute tragedy for you and your kids. I agree that this would have been one of those cases that need much more than we have to offer here. I am really amazed at the strength of character you have shown through this whole thing. You truly walked through the darkness and carried your family on your back. May God Bless you and keep you, pdc.

As far as counseling for your son goes, I went through this with my younger son [age 16] when his brother was killed. He also refused to go to counseling and I didn't make him go. He adjusted just fine to his brother's death and has turned out great. To my surprise, there are studies that show grief counseling actually causes more harm than good. I know I sure avoided counseling and healed much faster than other folks who attended grief counseling.

I wanted to thank you in particular Melody. I really appreciate the advice you gave early on and I have read much and respect greatly the advice and truth you have presented to so many here. I may not have seemed like a presence on this site, but I have been here every day. It has helped me in many ways.

The councilor that I have talked to said that by no means should I force my son against his wishes into counciling. I shall not. We have some remarkable support within our family and with some close friends.

The focus of my life is now to be a father.

PDC, your strength is amazing. The world has some really great people in it, and you are one of them.